Enneagram communication styles

Posted on February 10, 2012 by

Did you know that some people never ask questions?

Some people are very talented at telling stories and anecdotes.

Some people are fabulous at flirting, raising it to an art form and practicing it on everyone they meet.

There are those who crack really funny one-liners and hilarious nonsequiturs.

Some are good with groups. Some prefer long, one-on-one conversations.

Some talk compulsively. Some experience silence with another as a kind of communion.

And sometimes there are holes in conversations, gaps in communication styles.

Sometimes anecdotes seem random, disconnected from what came before, and I find myself wondering (usually later) where the other person might have been going with that or what brought it up in the first place.

Sometimes I’ve put words in others’ mouths instead of letting them tell it their way.

And interestingly, sometimes when I am getting to know someone, a part of them that I’ve never met before will enter the conversation. It can be startling to me, while the part is so ingrained in them they’re not even aware of it.

I find communication — and people — fascinating.

I don’t read minds. I do what I call fake mind reading, trying to understand other people’s motivations, hidden emotions, directions, and so on. Yep, I make up stories about people and why they are the way they are. I’m working on letting go of that desire. It’s not that easy, I tell you! I am addicted to “understanding”.

To refresh myself and share with you, I’m consulting one of my favorite books on the Enneagram, The Enneagram of Liberation: From Fixation to Freedom, by Eli Jaxon-Bear. (Eli is Gangaji’s husband, if you didn’t know, and an expert on Enneagram as a spiritual growth tool.)

Below I’ve provided a brief description of each Enneagram type’s talking style. You may recognize yourself, or more likely, someone you know well will come to mind. Those who know you well may be able to tell you what your most characteristic communication style is.

Please keep in mind that these are generalizations! Twos do not give advice all the time!

Ones’ talking style is preaching, lecturing, sermonizing.

Two: Giving advice.

Three: Propaganda, selling, “the bottom line”.

Four: Lamentation, gossip, responsive to others’ moods.

Five: Systematic discussions (like this blog post! ha ha! ; ) ), investigations, silence.

Six: Setting limits, needing to know the rules, questioning authority.

Seven: Telling stories, charming others, improvisation.

Eight: Laying trips, challenging, pushing buttons.

Nine: Telling a saga or long story, putting listeners into trance.

If you are interested in using the Enneagram as a tool for personal growth, I recommend getting a copy of this book.

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Buddhist art, ancient and 21st century

Posted on February 10, 2012 by

Somewhere between Facebook, Twitter, and web surfing, I came across this article and slideshow about an exhibit of Buddhist art in Hong Kong.

The show juxtaposes ancient and modern Buddhist art, drawing on the Rockefeller collection of Asian art and works by modern artists.

Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, is probably the single most influential individual on the face of this earth in terms of the number of lives touched and awakened toward peace.

Like Jesus, so much has been attributed to the Buddha and projected onto him that the actual man might be nonplussed  if he could come back and see the religion he founded now.

(I think of spiritual masters like the Buddha and Jesus as having so much equanimity that the word horrified wouldn’t apply to them. That’s my projection.)

Many people, including me, have Buddhist art in their homes. That serene face, the eyes half or completely closed in introspection, sends an energy into a room of peacefulness, equanimity, compassion, and presence, and reminds me that those treasures lie within.

From the Asia Society’s website:

Transforming Minds: Buddhism in Art showcases Buddhist works from the world-renowned Mr. and Mrs. John D. Rockefeller 3rd Collection of Asian Art along with contemporary works by leading Asian and Asian American artists that draw inspiration from one of the world’s great religions.

 

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Science discovers how massage affects cells after exercise

Posted on February 9, 2012 by

I love it when science deepens our understanding of something people know from experience to be true. The latest such finding to catch my eye is in my own field, massage therapy. People love massage and not all that much is actually known about how it affects the body’s systems or its long-term benefits.

Canadian scientists studied what actually happens at the cellular level when someone who has vigorously exercised gets a massage. Here’s an article explaining the study, and here’s the abstract for the research findings.

In short, massage applied to muscles after vigorous exercise reduces inflammation and promotes growth of energy-producing units (mitochondria) in muscle cells.

“The potential benefits of massage could be useful to a broad spectrum of individuals including the elderly, those suffering from musculoskeletal injuries and patients with chronic inflammatory disease,” said Tarnopolsky. “This study provides evidence that manipulative therapies, such as massage, may be justifiable in medical practice.”

The researchers also busted the myth that massage reduces lactic acid, which builds up in cells during exercise and has been thought to contribute to muscle pain. Massage had no effect on lactic acid build-up.

Here’s something to look forward to:

One future research direction will be to examine the long-term effect of massage after a workout.

 

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Six great things about making mistakes

Posted on February 4, 2012 by

For most of my life, I have been afraid of making mistakes. Even the “MBTI Prayers” mentions my type as being perfectionistic:

INFJ: Lord, please help me not to be so perfectionistic! (Did I spell that correctly?)

Yes, I am a good speller, and I am also a fear-based Enneagram type, a Five, somewhat evolved but still a Five.

Fear! Fear! Fear! Boo!

I can poke fun at myself now, but used to, I couldn’t. I was a good child, didn’t make waves, did well in school, was serious and well-behaved, was friendly and funny with my peers — but was isolated, not close to anyone emotionally. I had a lot of fears and doubts and no one to talk to. My fears and doubts kept me from talking to anyone! I feared they wouldn’t understand me and would ridicule me, and I doubted anyone could do or say anything helpful to me. So I didn’t reach out very far. Adolescence was particularly lonely. I was afraid of making mistakes.

My fear of making mistakes meant being tense before I even started something!

Wow. When I think about that now, I can see how I made myself miserable. I robbed myself of the joy of failing, trying again, and doing better. I didn’t understand the learning curve.

By the way, here’s a great video about the learning curve. Watch this baby learn about her body and what she can do, and notice how complex rolling over is, and how she learns to do it:

 

I’m not sure exactly when this happened, but I recently realized some Very Important truths in life that changed my mind about making mistakes:

  • Mistakes are inevitable. Every single person is different from me in values, history, habits, expectations, thought processes, communication styles, emotional make-up, priorities, and so much more. I can’t read minds. Also, I filter things out that I should have paid attention to, had I only known or really understood. I forget, get distracted, am preoccupied, and so on. As the politicians say, mistakes are made.
  • You grow more from making mistakes than you do from perfection. When you do something or see something done perfectly, you and others can appreciate the beauty, elegance, and righteousness of it. Perfection lets us appreciate that someone has reached an ideal. You can reflect on what made it perfect, respect the luck or skill that went into it, and then you store that memory and move on to what’s next.

When you make a mistake, well, there are all kinds of opportunities to develop yourself and grow as a human being:

  1. You get to reflect on your behavior and remember what you were thinking/feeling and (with hindsight) what you were distorting/deleting/generalizing about that led to your mistake. So you know more about your subjective experience and your behavior, and you understand yourself better.
  2. By understanding yourself better, you have an opportunity to develop compassion for yourself. If you can understand how making the mistake really happened, moment by moment, you can have mercy on yourself, be tender toward yourself for your limitations, forgive yourself.
  3. If you can forgive yourself, you can extend that understanding and mercy to other humans who make mistakes (and of course to all sentient beings). Next time you realize you’ve made a mistake, after you’ve held yourself accountable and developed compassion for yourself, think of someone whom you hold a grudge against or judgment about because they made a mistake with you or someone you care about. You can now understand that they had limitations and were doing the best they could at the time. Just like you. You can extend your tenderness and compassion to them. We all live in the human condition.
  4. You have an opportunity to understand how you could have done it better. With hindsight, what could you have done differently that could have resulted in a better outcome? Of course, there’s no way of really knowing what the actual different outcome might be because there are always innumerable variables beyond our control, but you can at least imagine moving in a different and healthier direction, and it can still be soothing to your heart and mind to retroactively right your wrong in your imagination.
  5. You now hold the key to actually doing it better next time. Imagine a similar situation in the future, and see yourself not making that mistake.
  6. Depending on the severity of the mistake and the person you made it with, you may have an opportunity to make amends and reconnect in a healthier way. You may want to talk about what happened, listen, apologize, reset boundaries, and/or make a peace offering. Who knows? They may have something important to tell you. You invite them to understand you better and perhaps to understand themselves (or what they project) better through seeing how you misperceived them. And mostly, you get to spend time valuing each other’s humanity, and that’s a simply awesome way to spend time with people.

There’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to make mistakes, because there’s pain involved. I don’t want to cause anyone pain or suffering. But I can’t let that paralyze me. Intent counts, and it’s more complex than that. This is where the Serenity Prayer comes in:

Mistakes are perhaps the best education available for the heart and the mind when it comes to gaining skill with life. They teach you how to be heart-full and mind-full.

With the attitude that mistakes are inevitable and there for me to learn from, and the recognition that I have learned from them and will continue learning from them, life feels more playful, free, promising, and joyful. I’m moving in the direction of Big Mind and Big Heart. And how much better can it get than that?

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What you can do to be happy

Posted on February 2, 2012 by

This article, 12 Things Happy People Do Differently, lists things you can start doing today to experience more happiness in your life.

Besides the usual suspects like gratitude, optimism, and forgiveness, some tips were unexpected, like this one:

Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous.  If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority.  Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made.  What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place.  If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

I also liked what it said about how just watching kindness in action increases serotonin in those witnessing it as well as in the person performing the kind act. By being kind, not only do you feel better, it’s contagious! 

Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.  Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely?  WHOA!  There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with.  We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.

Thanks to friend Shelley Seale for posting this link on Twitter.

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I’ve touched 100 naked people

Posted on January 29, 2012 by

I realized today after carefully counting that I’ve touched 100 naked people in the last 7 months. That probably makes you wonder if I’m a sex worker.

I’m not. I’ve been a student of massage therapy since June 2011, and I’ve worked on my fellow students and teachers, many of my friends and family, and clients at the student clinic.

I’ve worked on many of these people several times. When I complete just 10 more massages in the intern clinic, I’ll have completed the requirements for graduation and will have given about 150 massages.

Every person I’ve touched has gotten my full attention, presence, and skill. Even that one person who happened to be my fourth recipient in one day, when it crossed my mind that I felt tired and cranky — I pulled myself out of that mindset, got a second wind, and gave them my best.

A naked and vulnerable human on the table in front of me is a divine gift with whom I hold a sacred contract to give my best.

Every person I’ve massaged has contributed immensely to the intelligence in my hands, heart, instincts, and awareness.

Most people are fairly silent when receiving massage, their attention on their bodies or breath or my hands, I presume, or perhaps their grocery list. I don’t read minds, so I don’t really know.

Silence helps me work.

Some people stay mentally alert and present the entire time. Some sink quickly or slowly into a state of deep relaxation, that state of no effort where the body is being breathed, the mind is loose and free, and imagery bubbles up out of darkness. Some fall asleep. Their snoring tells me.

Sometimes I go into a trance with you, and those are the best massages.

I watch and listen to you breathing. I feel your pulses. I see your scars — the ones on your skin and the emotional ones like the chronically rounded shoulders, that one tight hip, the rigidity in your torso. Sometimes your bodies tell me stories, of weight gained or lost, an old injury with a long recovery, a recent injury complete with road rash, surgery, playing a sport, working out regularly, working at a computer.

No one — so far — has had a perfect body. I belief that’s likely a myth created by airbrushing.

I’ve learned that nearly everyone has some tension in their shoulders — in the upper trapezius muscle, to be specific.

The low back is also a popular place for tension and pain to hang out. It’s amazing that by working on your rectus abdominis (the abdomen’s six-pack), the front and back of your body become balanced and your low back pain goes away.

I’ve learned that due to handedness, no one’s upper trapezius muscles are exactly symmetrical.

Some people think they’re relaxed, but when I pick up their arm or leg, they have a hard time letting go of control, giving me the full weight.

Some people want more pressure, some less. I’ve gained strength in my arms and hands and can now deliver more consistent firm pressure.

I’ve worked on fat people, skinny people, people with chronic health problems, healthy people, a lot of people stressed out from office work (I’ve posted before about too much sitting), an age range from 11 to 85, people with tight bodies and loose bodies, and one pregnant woman.

All precious.

When I worked on my daughter, memories of her infancy arose, and I realized that everyone who gets naked on my table is just this:

an old baby
no longer tiny or quite so helpless
nonetheless innocent and vulnerable like a newborn

I’ve learned that some people are not very knowledgeable about their own bodies, misnaming their body parts, unaware of tensions, oblivious to the postural or movement habits that cause them pain — that they’ve unconsciously created for themselves.

Your body tells the truth. It can’t lie.

Why aren’t body awareness and anatomy taught at home and in schools?

There are certain massage strokes that tend to get sighs of relief and moans of pleasure. I’ve developed an opening routine that opens.

Receiving massage is all about you becoming more alive and your nervous system waking up, your body shedding tension and moving into relaxation and pleasure, not to mention improving your circulation, breath, brainwaves, mood, compassion, immunity, energy flow, digestion, posture, alignment, balance, movement, and presence.

In many ways, allowing me to massage you is like letting me to take your armor off — the armor you probably weren’t aware of putting on until you started feeling tense or in pain.

Everyone can benefit from taking their time getting up afterwards, not rushing off in their cars to get somewhere else, not re-engaging their left brains too quickly.

Yes, leave your armor off for a while and stay for a cup of tea with me.

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6 experienced yoga teachers talk about the anatomy connection

Posted on January 29, 2012 by

This group interview was originally published in YogaCityNYC Yoga Weekly. Because I couldn’t directly link to the article, I’m including it in its entirety below, because yoga and anatomy are two loves of mine that should go together like a hand in a glove.

Six Experts on their Favorite Topic

Quick Question: Where is your calcaneus?*

Anatomy is a complicated subject. Many yoga teachers and students are intrigued by the names of the bones yet studying it in detail gets passed over in most yoga classes – if it is discussed at all. YogaCity NYC’s Margie Suvalle sat down with six experts to find out how they learned more about their muscles and joints, why it is necessary, and where to learn more about anatomy.

Why did you get interested in anatomy?

Paula Lynch: My parents’ heart disease.  I had to learn a lot fast, so I studied the heart and cardiovascular system.  From there, I started to study physiology and then the muscular system.

Jonathan FitzGordon: When I started doing yoga I had a lot of flexibility, but no strength.  I got hurt and ended up having knee surgery. If I didn’t know how my body worked, then how could it heal?

Genny Kapuler: I took a class at NYU with Andre Bernard, Anatomy for Dancers, and I wanted a greater understanding of the body, so I continued to study for the next ten years with Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen.

Jason Brown: I got injured a few times early on in my yoga practice, either because of a teacher’s instruction or my own fault. As a teacher, I felt ill prepared to answer questions.

Amy Matthews: I was a dancer and we had a weekend on anatomy and I realized how much I didn’t know.  I wanted to know how I use my body, the movement, the muscles and the anatomy.

Joe Miller: My interest started with artistic anatomy when I was painting and drawing skeleton positions and continued to expand when I started teaching yoga.  I did several trainings that focused on anatomy and I ended up getting my masters in applied physiology.

Do you think the average yoga teacher knows enough about anatomy and how long does it take to learn the basics?

PL: People are more interested these days. The average training is just a starting point. But people need to pursue it on their own, really understand it. Are they interested? What are their students asking of them?  How much do you need to learn? The process of learning is ongoing.

JF: No. You don’t need to know anything about anatomy to lead a class, but you do if you want to teach. How long does it take – everyone is different.

GK: Without knowing too much you can lead students and give them direction and guidance. But Iyengar, where I studied, teaches a certain amount.

JB: Absolutely not! There just isn’t enough time spent on anatomy during teacher training. It takes a year.  I created a nine-month program where students meet for three hours a week and then can apply the knowledge to their teaching.

AM: No, because people come out of a 200 hour training with 20 hours of anatomy, which is only a taste. For each person, learning is individual.  You can be a great teacher and not know a lot about anatomy.  However, if you don’t know something, don’t say anything.

JM: You don’t need an anatomical background to be an effective teacher.  You do need to pay attention and know the basics of human movement, the alignment of asana.  The more you know the more it will enrich your teaching and give you more depth. The Yoga Alliance says a minimum of twenty hours gets you started, but you need continuing education and to study on your own.

Do you think that more anatomy should be taught in teacher trainings?

PL: During the 200 hour training there should be more integration of the information.

JF: It takes a lot of time to learn anatomy, so you need to be taught well.

AM: Yes, there should be more taught.

GK: The teacher trainer decides.  Different people are drawn towards certain knowledge.

JB: Yes, that is why I started my program Anatomy Studies for Yoga Teachers.

What part of the body fascinates you the most?

PL: The respiratory and cardiovascular systems and the physiology mechanism and muscular housing of it all.  Sensing more clearly, breathing.

JF: I am obsessed with the psoas.

GK: There is not one part that fascinates me because it is always changing.  I guess right now it would be my sense of smell.

JB:  The knee.  It is my favorite joint to teach.  It is weight-bearing and takes a lot of force, it is intricate, delicate and important.

AM: Embryology and the origin of tissue.  It starts one place and ends up elsewhere.  The muscles and the skin are closer than the muscles and the bones, so exploring movement from that place.

JM: The nervous system and relaxation.

What is the most vulnerable part of the body during asana practice?

PL: The lumbar spine is already compromised and vulnerable.  We ask a lot of that area and weaken it and then add the stress of asana.

JF: The psoas.

GK: It’s individual.

JB: The knee is very delicate.  The bones don’t support it, the muscles and ligaments support the soft tissue.

AM: It depends on the person and the asana. Where there is a lot of movement is the most vulnerable.

JM:  There is not one part.  However, the most common ones are the knee, the shoulders, the wrists, the lumbar and the cervical spine.

People constantly complain about lower back issues.  What should a yoga teacher do when someone comes into class complaining of back pain?

PL: Ask a lot of questions and listen.  The more information you have, the more you are able to help your student.  From the information, figure out which poses to avoid and which ones will stretch and strengthen.

JF: Instruct them to stop tucking their pelvis because it is compromising the ligaments and IT joint.

GK: If the SI joint is thrown out, then sync the hips in and keep the lumbar spine vertical.

JB: It is usually caused by tight glutes and hamstrings.  Show modifications.

AM: Back pain can be caused by many things.  Ask question about what kind of pain the student is experiencing.  Knowing the sensations can help them identify what it is and how weight travel in the spine.

JM: Think about long-term health, how are your movements creating the problem.  Is it extension or flexion?  Don’t push through the pain, find modifications and ask for help.

What role does anatomy play in the classes you teach?

PL: Anatomy is integrated into the whole class.  It is the environment, not the backdrop.  It is unavoidable because the body is the classroom.

JF: It is everything.  My classes are hard because I pound it to the ground, how it all works and more.

GK: It is the main idea that I use.

JB: Anatomy informs the sequencing and alignment cues in my classes.  It is under the surface.

AM:  Anatomy is the jumping off point.  It is something physical to check in with in all of my classes.

JM: It enriches my teaching and creates an understanding of alignment and instruction.  It is always clear and accurate.

What three books do you most recommend?

PL: The books by Dr. Ray Long, an orthopedic surgeon and long time Hatha Yoga practitioner. “Yogabody: Anatomy, Kinesiology and Asana,” by Judith Hanson Lasater. It is digestible and specific.  Lastly, “Light on Pranayama,” by BKS Iyengar because it is poetic and really explains the respiratory system.

JF: “Taking Root to Fly”, by Irene Dowd, “Human Movement Potential” by Lulu Sweigard and “Rolfing”, by Ida Rolf

GK: “Atlas of Human Anatomy”, by Frank Netter, “The Thinking Body”, by Mabel Elsworth Todd and “Primary Anatomy” by John V. Basmajain.

JB:“Kinesiology: The Skeletal System and Muscle Function“, by Joseph Muscolino.

AM:  Netter,“The Body Moveable”, by David Gorman and of course “Yoga Anatomy,” which I co-wrote with Leslie Kaminoff.

JM: Netter, Judith Lasater’s “Yogabody”,  “Yoga Anatomy” and “Anatomy Trains”, by Thomas W. Myers.

Bios:

Paula Lynch is a YogaWorks Certified Instructor and is affiliated with the YogaWorks Teacher Training programs. Her teaching style is influenced by the meditative flow and heat of Ashtanga yoga and the precision and playfulness of Iyengar yoga.  www.yogapaula.com

Jonathan FitzGordon has been teaching yoga since 2000.  He is a Level II Reiki practitioner and the creator of the FitzGordon Method, a core walking program.

Genny Kapular has been teaching yoga for over 30 years.  She is a Intermediate Junior III IyengarTeacher. As well as a practitioner of Body-Mind Centering.  Before teaching yoga, she was a modern dancer for many years.

Jason Brown is the creator of Zenyasa Yoga, which synthesizes Zen Buddhism, vinyasa yoga and mindfulness-based conditioning exercises.
He teaches classes at the Zenyasa Yoga Studio on the Upper West Side, as well as Anatomy Studies for Yoga Teachers & Movement Professionals.

Amy Matthews is a certified Laban Movement Analyst, a Body-Mind Centering Teacher an Infant Development Movement Educator and a yoga therapist and yoga teacher.  She teaches an Embodied Anatomy & Kinesiology course at The Breathing Project.

Joe Miller has been teaching at OM Yoga since 2000.  He is on the OM Yoga Teacher Training faculty and is the Dean of OM Yoga anatomy studies. He has his Masters in Applied Physiology from Columbia University.  Joe recently started an anatomy-related blog: Yoga Physiology.

*Calcaneus is your heel bone.

-Margie Suvalle

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