Sat zazen a couple of hours ago. Long body scan, lingering on back of pelvis.
Last night, pain told me its purpose was stability.
I understand this better. When I was in that car wreck, back in 1996, my lap belt held, but my shoulder belt didn’t. My upper body was thrown around, while my lower body was held in place. There were two impacts, one to the left and one to the right, but not even. I had head injuries on each side and a terrific burning shock where my spine meets my pelvis. Nerves and muscles, tendons and ligaments and fascia, all stretched to the max from two shearing forces.
After, pain and feeling this is not my body. I lived and moved through days in a body that didn’t feel like me.
After a time, the pain resided somewhat. I wore the soles of my shoes unevenly. My gait was off. Sometimes one foot would drag a little. I had lost my poise and grace completely. I gained 40 lbs. over the next few years.
The allopathic medical people said “it’s only soft tissue injuries”. The ER doctor said I’d be good to go back to work in a couple of days.
I’m sorry, but I’m going to call them idiots. They did not have a clue.
I get it that I compensated. I learned ways to pull myself together, literally. Ways to provide enough stability to walk, sit, and move through my days. Ways that were in integrity with my body-mind system as it was at that time.
Fast forward to years later, discovering/re-membering that I had a slight scoliosis that was diagnosed years before the car wreck. Compounding the healing process of getting aligned and strong.
Fast forward even more. I have been doing yoga for years, and seeing chiropractors and many other body workers. My body is actually getting strong and aligned in all the right places! It can actually be better than before.
The task at hand, that keeps coming up in meditation, is pain. That pain is from structures that held my body together for years.
I can now communicate with these structures, recognize and appreciate them for all they’ve done for me, and ask them if they would like to do something else now.
Recently I posted something about becoming aware of an internal energetic column, running from my sit bones through the center of my torso up through my neck and head, out my crown chakra.
Today I began connecting the pain from the old structure to awareness of the new structure. The old pain now has another option.