I don’t love sitting/I do love sitting

Folks, I’m sorry for not posting for awhile. I’ve been busy at work, did some weekend travel, and have been skirmishing with a sinus infection, which after I post this is getting all my attention.

I do seem to have made it past that hump of skipping some days of sitting. I think I just needed to approach it from a different point of view. Instead of being so rigid (“You have to meditate every day–you publicly committed to doing that and you’re a failure because you’ve already missed–you should be humiliated” yada yada yada), I needed to relook at why I want to do this, and how I could make it easier to walk my talk.

I do this because it makes a difference in the quality of my existence. What I’ve learned since I started at the beginning of this year is that specifically meditation increases my awareness, and it increases my equanimity. Meditation is how that happens, for me, now.

I’ll be honest. I don’t just love sitting. It takes time, and it can be uncomfortable (though I am past the initial pain, thank goodness). I often feel like I don’t ┬áhave enough time already. I work a full-time job, have family and social commitments, have other plans for my life. Yada yada yada.

But I do love what sitting has done for me. That awareness, that equanimity. And, sometimes I do love sitting. I love experiencing a shift into expansion, a release of tension, a moment of utter dark stillness, a new awareness, an insight, a surrender, a chakra blossoming.

But not when I first sit. It takes time to get focused, to get present. And then…ah.

How I’ve made it easier to sit daily is to roll out of bed about 6:30 am, do three Sun Salutations to warm my body up, and then sit. Get it done early in the day, and I don’t have to remember later. It’s done.

And now I’m going to rest and let this sinus infection clear out.

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