Emptiness in fullness

Just because it’s been awhile since I posted about how my meditation practice is going, and that’s the main reason for this blog, here’s an update.

A few weeks ago, something happened that I wrote about in a post, Sitting, Yoga, Oh, Yeah, and Breakthroughs. I experienced something new to me in meditation. Read the post if you like.

That experience felt familiar. Associations popped up about being a young child and having to take a nap (so our mother could take a nap) and lying on my bed awake, aware but not identified with myself.

I had that experience then. Several times. So present, peaceful, open, and unattached! Empty, and yet somehow sparkling with aliveness.

I have yearned for this state to recur.

I’ve tried to figure out how I got there, and all I can say is it seems to have something to do with perspective, like those figure-ground drawings where you see either an old woman or a young woman. You can train yourself to see both.

Or it has something to do with what’s known in NLP as “chunk size.” We all have a preferred chunk size. There’s an expansion into new awareness going on here. Maybe it’s what Buddhism calls “Big Mind.”

Or both of these are happening at the same time. Or something entirely different. Small Mind likes to have something to do!

Anyway, I have no skill with this! I found the state effortlessly and luckily, and then another state arose. And I haven’t returned, either with effort or without, so far.

So after a bit, I just gave up the desire. It will happen again when it happens. Or not.

Much of my experience of whole body awareness has become about experiencing fullness. Adyashanti spoke about this last night in his first satsang in Austin, saying his meditation teacher called it “the fullest emptiness you’ll ever experience.” (That was a very nice event. I hope he returns.)

I don’t know if it’s the fullest emptiness I’ll ever experience, but I recognize experiencing fullness in emptiness. It’s a presence, a way of being, and it seems to be at or near the core of my being. And it doesn’t seem to have boundaries. And awareness of it strengthens it.

And it’s good! Or, rather, it’s goodness!

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