Still point, interruption

Today I sat about noon. Three sun salutations, then to the cushion, with blanket, socks, no heater.

My body scan was partly deliberate, partly spontaneous. Sometimes when I first bring my attention to my crown, my third eye, throat, and heart chakras open when my crown chakra does. It seems nearly simultaneous. Then various energetic pathways make themselves known. It’s not exactly a linear scan from head to toe.

Then on to whole body awareness. I’ve been exploring active approaches and passive approaches. Sometimes I’m “successful” for a short time, and sometimes not.

Today I felt sick of myself before sitting. I felt a little frail and confused and discouraged. Something in me wanted to retreat from the endeavor of whole body awareness, and I allowed my mind to seek comfort in a familiar place.

(I have internal places, and they may or may not correspond to my physiology.)

My familiar place is dark. My eyes are closed, and I am seeing the inside of my eyelids. My pupils are gazing slightly up and toward each other. This seems to activate something. (I did peripheral walking yesterday.)

Sometimes colors and patterns arise and shift against a near-black background that strangely enough has vague features in it. Sometimes I see only darkness. Sometimes my attention is not on what I see.

It’s as if the center of my consciousness is somewhere near the middle of my brain. My awareness radiates from this place.

I notice that when I’m in this familiar place, my breathing changes and becomes more automatic.

This is my still point. It feels safe and warm here in the darkness. I feel loved and comforted.

About 20 minutes in, I hear a key in my front door and voices. My daughter and granddaughter are back from their trip. They are coming in. They don’t know I’m meditating.

I greet them cheerfully when they come in, but I don’t get up.

They see I’m meditating. I used to not respond when this happened, and then I realized that was not necessary (it would be if it happened often, but it doesn’t). Isn’t part of meditation being present with what is?

They are quiet and respectful anyway and say they’ll come back. I say goodbye, get with you later.

I finish my meditation in peace. Then I call them to welcome them back.

One thought on “Still point, interruption

  1. “Sometimes my attention is not on what I see,” I love this line. This certainly resonates with where I was working to be conscious yesterday.

    I love your blog and the snow bubbles that fall onto the page.

    Love the way you describe the meditation and your process.

    I like blogging with you.

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