It’s been a few days since I posted. I’ve been enjoying this a little break from the near-daily blogging. I usually like writing, but the sitting practice, the job, the sangha, the family and friends, the garden, shopping, eating, sleeping, relaxing, and other activities I do all take time.
I was doing too much. I have been feeling tired. I perceived something going on that I didn’t have words for.
These few days of silence have helped me realize that I’m undergoing a shift. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly what it is happening. Not yet. Sometimes it’s good to just be silent and let it be. Let it unfold.
Something, some thought, some realization, is moving toward awareness. I sense it. I feel it. I know it in my bones. I know it means change. I feel myself surrendering, preparing for it, not knowing what it is.
What is truly important? Job? House? No.
Truth is important.
I am being shaped by this practice. I am letting go of plans. I am letting go of who I thought I was, of what seemed to give me security.
This was a scary place to me, but now I see it’s inevitable, and all I can do is surrender and allow it to unfold and appreciate the process.
Trying to find words for it. It seems to be some kind of reclaiming of myself, or claiming myself, or releasing myself, freeing myself. Moving into the unknown.