I did a biodynamic craniosacral session yesterday with someone I cherish. In years past, I’ve participated in several of her workshops exploring life and death. As in my life, unexpected violent death visited her life early on and made a lasting impression, so we both have a long acquaintance with death and mortality.
This was our first session doing biodynamic work.
(And by the way, biodynamic work may have been first written about by cranial osteopaths who spent decades working with people, mostly in silence, listening intently and deeply, who finally had the courage to say, “There’s something else going on here.” However, in my opinion, this work is timeless, and another label for it, that goes back to ancient times, is hands-on healing.)
I dreamt in the middle of the night that I was dying. I had been told that I had a terminal condition and that nothing could be done to restore my health. I was on my way out of this life.
In the dream, I was around people who were going about their everyday lives, not thinking much about death or mortality, and they didn’t know I was dying. I hadn’t decided when or if to tell anyone. I was simply savoring the ability to peacefully come to terms with my pending death and accept it in my own time without having to take care of other people’s reactions.
I felt some fondness for these people just living their lives. Their innocence felt sweet and adorable, their concerns minor. I also felt detached.
I awoke and immediately knew it was quite a significant dream. My biggest question was, was this dream a rehearsal for something I’ll face in the future? Many of us will at some point take in words from a doctor that bring us face to face with our mortality. Others of us will leave the planet quickly, without warning. A few of us will find a way to deliberately end our lives.
I can’t know which way I’ll die, if this dream is predictive, but in a way, it was a good dream to have, simply because there’s so much denial of death in our American culture. I’ll be 63 in a few weeks, and I imagine that other folks over 60 have dreams similar to this. But I don’t know. Please share if you have, and your age.
If nothing else, having a dream like this will lessen the shock when you do hear those words, “There’s nothing we can do.”
There was a place on my outer right breast that was tender in the dream, and I believed I was dying from breast cancer. I felt the area when I woke, and it didn’t feel tender at all. Still, I remembered that my insurance will pay for a physical exam and a mammogram.
Also, my friend Sunny Markham has just gifted me with a bottle of Earthsong Pomegranate Breast Oil and an invitation to watch her video on breast self-massage, which I’ll be watching as soon as I post this.
I also thought that I’m not the type of person to automatically take a doctor’s word for it that I’m going to die soon. I know people who have lived far beyond some doctor’s prediction.
My mind spun with these thoughts as I laid awake. I know that I’m not ready now. My intention has been to live healthily into my 80s or beyond, as long as my mind and body hold up, and to do what I can now to sow those seeds. It just may be that I have reached the 2/3rds point of my life span. I hope so.
I plan to continue doing biodynamic craniosacral therapy/hands-on healing until I can’t.
I should mention that when I did my Tarot reading for 2016, I drew the Sorrow card.
The freaky kicker? I finally went back to sleep, and when I woke this morning and got on my computer, one of the first things I saw was the news that David Bowie had died, from cancer after 18 months, and apparently no one outside those closest to him and his doctor even knew he was ill.
He released an album on Friday, making art of life to the last. I became a huge fan later in life and am sorry that I never got to see him perform live. Amazing, brilliant artist who delighted, amused, touched, and impressed me deeply.
Here’s a link to his last video.