Category Archives: breathing

Direct knowledge

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Today’s post is taken directly from my subscription to Ocean of Dharma quotes from Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. How timely! His writings are so clear and elegant.

In the study of Buddhist philosophy, from the start one tries to transcend concepts, and one tries, perhaps in a very critical way, to find out what is. One has to develop a critical mind that will stimulate intelligence. If one cultivates intelligent, intuitive insight, then gradually real intuitive feeling develops, and any imaginary or hallucinatory element is clarified and eventually dies out. Finally, the vague feeling of discovery becomes very clear, so that almost no doubt remains. Even at this stage, it is possible that one may be unable to explain one’s discovery verbally or write it down exactly on paper. In fact, if one tried to do so, it would be limiting one’s scope and would be rather dangerous. Nevertheless, one finally attains direct knowledge, rather than achieving something which is separate from oneself. This can only be achieved through the practice of meditation, which is not a question of going into some inward depth, but of widening and expanding outward.

In other words, you can know about something and you can experience something, and they are not the same. Critical mind and intuitive insight are code for left and right hemispheres of the brain, in my opinion. Much of the growth from meditation is actually experiencing more right-brain awareness, which is, hmm, not encouraged in most of our modern educational systems and workplaces and culture.

The yoking of left brain intelligence and right brain intelligence is perhaps a “side effect” of yoga and meditation. Or perhaps the real purpose. Who can say?

If you want more brain balance, you can start with a pranayama practice, nadi shodhana, alternate nostril breathing. 

To subscribe to Ocean of Dharma quotes, go here:  http://oceanofdharma.com.

To learn how to do nadi shodhana, there are small distinctions, but this video teaches the gist of it in two minutes: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1849263/breathing_practice_for_stress_nadi_shodhan_pranayama/

Dark skies, meteor showers, nightwalking

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I am going to West Texas in a couple of days with some friends. We will drive out Thursday, perhaps taking US 90 (the southern route), which is an unknown part of Texas to me. I’m looking forward to that.

We’ll be staying at the Stone Village Tourist Camp in Fort Davis, where I have reserved a “camping cabin” — good for the budget traveler, it has no AC and shared bathroom facilities. Balmorhea State Park was full, and I don’t even try Davis Mountains State Park any more because most of my compadres are not into camping, we don’t plan far enough ahead, and…the stench and noise of javelinas right outside my tent at night is unappealing.

Thursday is the peak of the Perseid meteor shower. Look toward the northeast after full darkness. We may check in, take a little nap, eat, hang out, and then about 10 pm drive a little south of Fort Davis to have a stupendous view from the heights out over the flat plains to the north.

Friday perhaps we’ll swim at Balmorhea, do some hiking, and in the evening attend the twilight program (new for me) and then the Star Party at McDonald Observatory, after which we will do some nightwalking on a dark, deserted country road under the darkest skies in Texas.

For more about nightwalking, read here: http://www.navaching.com/hawkeen/nwalk.html. For our Austin peripheral walking meetup, go here: http://www.meetup.com/Austin-Peripheral-Walking-Meetup/.

Saturday, we may drive to Marfa for the farmer’s market, visit to the Chihuahuan Desert Botanical Center in Alpine, return to Marfa for dinner, and then go out to the viewing area for the Marfa lights. I’ve been a couple of times but have not seen these mysterious long-known lights yet.

Sunday, drive back with perhaps a stop at Sonora Caverns — so isolated, so clean, so cool and damp and fascinating.

All in all, it’s a much needed break from work, a time to spend with friends in the clean air, big skies, spaciousness, and pleasing views of the Davis Mountains. Will bring my yoga mat and zafu and keep up with my yoga and sitting practice and my 5 minutes of pranayama practice, breathing in that good clean air.

Mostly it will be a wonderful change in energy. This trip feels like I’m being called. What awaits me? I’ll tell you when I get back.

New sense of purpose

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I’ve been mostly playing and experimenting with the direction my meditation teacher gave me back in late December, whole body awareness, off and on for this whole year. I’ve tried different approaches. It hasn’t come easily, and I haven’t given up.

Early on, my intuitive way to experience my whole body at once was by using the breath, just attending to the whole body sensations (or as much as I could) of each breath.

I notice how easy it has been for my attention to be drawn to this part or that part, usually because of sensations such as pain or the pleasure of my chakras opening. My attention would flit from body part to body part, switching unbidden into internal dialog and losing all awareness of my body, then deliberately returning it to my body upon becoming aware.

I’ve tried visualizing my whole body, seeing myself sitting from various perspectives and then uniting the visualized self and the felt self by having the image merge into “me.”

I’ve had a sense that “whole body awareness” is always present even if not in the foreground of attention, that it is actually much closer to my consciousness than I would have thought.

I read in Buddha’s Brain that whole body awareness is simply right-brain awareness, which is visual, spatial, and likes gestalt. Well, then, that explains why it seems so close! Duh! It’s just my right brain.

And all these experiments with whole body awareness are nice images, words, sounds, and feelings projected upon the big screen, Awareness. Or maybe it’s all shifting between Big Awareness and small. Everything is awareness!

I’ve had more of a sense of purpose in my meditation lately, more determination to be able to maintain my awareness of my whole body for longer than a few seconds at a time. Once again, breathing helps.

I learned from yoga that each inhalation activates the sympathetic nervous system, and each exhalation activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Inhaling stimulates, exhaling calms. I tune in to my whole body to attempt to discern this.

Not really, not yet, but something is different, and practicing this does hold my attention on my whole body for longer than before.

I’ve also gotten some nice Alex Grey-like images of my nervous system all lit up inside my physical body and energy body, and of sitting inside a sort of bubble of energy or light. If you’re not familiar with the name, you’ve probably seen something like this image: http://webpages.shepherd.edu/fmahooti/IMAGES/AlexGrey.jpg.

My image of myself is kind of like that, only without the grid, mountains, fire. The halo is just part of the bubble. It is from a perspective that seems to combine looking at myself and being in my body, a visual/kinesthetic synesthesia.

I have a hunch that really experiencing whole body awareness and being able to keep my attention there is going to be amazing, and it seems so close, just a tantalizing shift away…a shift I haven’t fully made yet.

Buddha’s Brain says that whole body awareness supports singleness of mind, a state in which all aspects of experience come together as a whole and attention is very steady. This is probably high-frequency  gamma waves.

For once, I know a little something about the direction I’m heading toward. And once on the zafu, I can forget that. Staying open to my actual experience – being present – is still the means.

Waiting for the love of your life

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We’re going on a little journey, so get ready.

First, find 20 minutes when you won’t be interrupted.

Next, find a quiet place to sit where you won’t be interrupted, perhaps in a chair (where you’ll sit with your back erect, not leaning against the back of the chair, and with the soles of your feet flat on the floor) or cross-legged on a cushion. You’ll probably want to elevate your butt about 3 inches. Use a zafu, a firm cushion, or folded towels or blankets.

Turn off your phone and other distractions.

Ready? Shake the tension out each leg. Shake out your arms. Wiggle your spine gently. Wiggle the tension and stiffness away. Shrug your shoulders and drop them a few times. Work your neck. How’s that?

Now sit, spine straight but not stiff. Close your eyes and open your mouth. Start checking in.

First, your breath. Feel the air entering your nostrils, expanding your chest, leaving your nostrils. Feel your body’s natural movements with each breath. Without any forcing, allow your breathing to become smooth, steady,  relaxed, and comfortable.

Check in with your head next. Feel all the parts. Especially notice any tension in your eyeballs and around your eyes, in your tongue and lips, in your jaw. Relax them. Let your jaw hang open.

This is important: I want you to get a look on your face as if you are in the dark, and a greater love than you have ever known is nearby. If you try to pursue it, you drive it away. It must find you, and the only way for it to find you is for you to be still, silent, and aware.

This love operates on s-l-o-w time. You have to match its pace for it to find you, so believe that for right now, for just this moment, you have all the time in the world to make this connection.

You are being patient and anticipating this connection at the same time. Your face has a look of wonder on it. Keep this look on your face. If you lose it, come back to it.

Now notice your neck and shoulders. Sometimes we collect tension in habitual places. Notice where these places are on your body today and relax them. Imagine each inhalation going directly to the tension, dissolving it, then each exhalation taking it out of your body.

Move down your arms, hands, fingers with your awareness.

While checking in with your back, also see yourself from the back in your mind’s eye. See yourself sitting there in silence.

Slide your awareness down the front of your body, releasing any tension you find.

Now check in with your pelvis — back, sides, front, bottom. Again release tension.

Move your awareness down your legs, feet, and toes. Notice how your entire body feels. Glowing? Lighter? More relaxed? Alert?

While you were scanning your body, love started permeating your cells. Now you are really starting to feel it. Each moment, you are becoming more and more immersed in love. Take your time and savor it.

Now, in your mind’s eye, view yourself sitting there from the front. See yourself with your eyes closed, jaw open, look of wonder on your face, suffused with love. You can move your point of view to straight overhead, to the side, wherever you want — just get a good look at yourself sitting there.

For the rest of your sitting time, let your awareness move as it will from noticing your whole body, to releasing tension from parts, to noticing the love of your life permeate your being, to being open to your experience.

(Thanks to Vivian, a member of my sangha, for having this look on her face for me to catch a glimpse of, thus inspiring my meditation and this post.)

5 minutes of pranayama a day

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Learning to teach yoga — there’s a lot to it. Learning the asanas, pranayama (breathwork), communications, the verbal/visual feedback loop, linking asanas, sequencing asanas, anatomy and physiology of the physical, energy, and pranic bodies…

Chanting, Sanskrit, philosophy, scriptures, teaching different levels of ability, teaching for conditions like pregnancy or disability, teaching different styles of yoga…

Whew. We’re probably going to go way over 200 hours, and that’s okay.

And probably in August or September, I will be teaching a four-class series. If you’re interested, please let me know.

I’m grateful that one of our first assignments is to practice pranayama for 5 minutes a day.

On Saturday Eleanor taught viloma breathing, inhaling into the bottom one-third of lungs, holding, inhaling into the middle one-third, holding, inhaling into the upper one-third, holding, and then one long smooth exhalation.

I observed myself trying too hard, overdoing it, filling my lungs up so full I had to expand to be able to exhale, holding by locking down. Just as I like to go to my edge in asana practice, so I was going to my edge in pranayama.

Eleanor said “different edge.” Aha!

At home I practiced taking deep full breaths, but natural deep full breaths, and holding with a minimum of effort. Actually, rather than holding, I just paused from inhaling.

Very gentle, very different experience.

I will be good at this when I finish my training.

Breather seeker

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Aw, one of the top searches that landed someone on my blog in the past few days was “how to meditate when I can’t breathe through my nose”.

I found it so difficult, I decided to meditate only when I can breathe through my nose.

I hope you get better soon and that unobstructed breathing returns quickly. Blessings!

Body scanning practices

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Twofer today. I was tired yesterday morning and didn’t meditate until about 8 pm. My granddaughter was there, and when she left, I felt tired and didn’t post.

Hannah spoke to me several times while I was sitting yesterday. None of what she said seemed to require a response, so I didn’t respond. She’s not used to spending time with me when I am meditating and thus not available for interaction.

She had earlier expressed an interest in meditation. I offered to sit with her for a few minutes. She decided computer games had more appeal and mostly played while I sat.

I got to notice how sitting was different for me, having her there, hearing her speak to me, and not responding. She was okay with it.

This morning I did my sitting before work. Took my time today scanning my body.

Sometimes I do it very quickly, from head to toe, all in the length of one breath. I’ve had practice moving awareness and energy from crown to toe and back up my body, coordinating with my breath.

(Through my NLP work I learned some shamanic practices. The Q’ero Indians believe that light energy entering the crown comes from the center of the cosmos, and as it proceeds down the body and out the feet into the earth, it carries with it hucha, heavy energy that only humans produce. (The Q’ero say humans accumulate it from not living in reciprocity with the earth.)

The earth receives and detoxifies the hucha moving out of the body through the feet. You exhale when moving energy down.  You can also do this seated, with the hucha flowing out of the body at the base of the spine.

And then, breathing in through the feet and bringing clean earth energy up the body and out through the crown connects your little spot on this planet with the center of the cosmos, in the process clarifying you.)

At other times when I scan my body, I linger on areas that feel tense or uncomfortable.

However, sometimes it feels good to do a slow, detailed body scan. Today I did that, starting with feeling all the areas of my forehead. Then eyebrows…eyelids…eyes…lower lids…temples, and so on.

It felt just right to do that.

A skullcap of glowing shine

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My cedar fever is getting better, although sometimes my nasal membranes still feel on fire and super sensitive. I used a neti pot this morning. After the initial burn and vise-like headache (this is why it hasn’t become habitual!), I felt better.

Started doing a yoga sequence and remembered my chiropractor saying not to do core exercises this week. Trikonasana, triangle, no; eka pada rajakapotasana, pigeon, yes. I am not clear on exactly what is core and what is not, but I’m pretty sure navasana, boat pose, is core.

So I switched to yin yoga, opening eight of the twelve meridians in a 4-asana sequence. That’s as much yin yoga as I know at this point. Ended with savasana.

Then to the zafu! I so love meditating right after yoga. Settling into sukhasana, easy pose, getting my sitting bones grounded just so on the zafu. The chimes ring. Off into body scan!

Feeling the solid flesh-and-blood-and-bone-and-nerve aliveness of each body part, feeling energy moving, opening, blossoming within as my attention moves down my body. My eyes are looking down behind closed lids.

Big breath at end of scan, then eyes to slightly above center, slightly crossed. I have no way of verifying this, but it seems likely that simple eye movement shifts my brain waves to alpha.

Head energy. Brain energy. Midline of brain, corpus callosum. Crown chakra, left side of crown chakra. Third eyeball headlamp. I am wearing a hat made of light.

Now I feel it in my sacrum. Like coming back to earth. Breathe into it. Chimes. Then…I clear a path and do walking meditation.

Back to zafu. I want to go longer. My cat joins me. I probably make it 15 more minutes before aches become too much. Grateful for this day.

The voyage and the guesthouse

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Meditation tonight was much better than last night. My nasal passages are still a bit congested, but I could breathe through them while I was sitting. Perhaps it was just that that made all the difference.

Started sitting in sukhasana but felt tightness and a little pain around hip joints and switched to vajrasana, with the zafu between my legs supporting my sit bones. That worked out well.

Doing my body scan chakra by chakra from crown to root kept my attention focused on it. Stayed at least two breath cycles with attention centering on each chakra. Finished with hands and feet chakras, important to include in a body scan.

For much of the rest of my session, I felt quietly peaceful and blissful. Thoughts arose and dissolved without much ado.

Does a thought exist if I don’t notice it? It seems to me that thoughts do exist when I’m heading into “not noticing” territory. They are almost weightless then. They might not make sense. They might even be in a foreign language. Strings of words pass through.

I almost forgot to meditate today. I didn’t sit early because I wanted to rest as much as I could before going to work. Forget it, at work. After work, I picked up my granddaughter and we hung out together until nearly 10. I was putting her to sleep and falling asleep myself when I remembered.

I feel like much of this first month has been learning how to navigate in meditation. Landmarks, processes, vocabulary.

I understand the metaphor of the voyage, meditation as an inner journey. Also, I don’t have to go anywhere–it all comes to me, or through me–the metaphor of the guesthouse.

Both metaphors work for me.

I want mercy, and I want it now!

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Today I suffered during sitting.

I started normally enough, sitting in sukhasana in the dark. Started my body scan and quickly got distracted. When I realized it, I wondered how I could learn to scan my body without being distracted. Came up with tying awareness of body parts or chakras to breathing. That seems worth investigating.

I felt crabby. I realized after a bit that I was breathing through my mouth because my nasal passages were constricted.

Yuck. Mouth breathing! It’s a no-no in yoga, so I assume it is in meditation as well. I switched to nose breathing, but it wasn’t good.

I had a conversation with my chiropractor yesterday in which he said the healing value of meditation was getting out of the way.

Most of the time I believe something like this, except when I do not know how to get out of my own way. Then it’s screw the theories. Fuck it! I want mercy, and I want it now!

I tried a little mantra . “May I get out of my own way.” It did not resonate. “May I heal.” Better. “May I be well.” Even better.

Still, the fronts of my thighs ached. My sacrum felt weak. The constricted breathing really bugged me. I (gasp!) leaned back against the wall and stretched my legs out in front of me and wiggled them. I thought about giving up, calling it quits early.

From somewhere, I found some compassion.

I’m having a bout of cedar fever for the first time in years. I stayed home Monday and rested, and then I had a very long busy day yesterday. I worked today, not sick, but still full press work. I feel tired.

Then the bell went off.

I’m going to curl up and rest now.