Whole body awareness as a mantra

That was my mantra yesterday morning and this morning. After my body scan, I repeat “whole body awareness” as internal dialogue, losing track of the meaning, letting those repetitive sounds fill me up and flow through my…whole body awareness.

The centered witness. The experiencer and the witness.

“Whole body awareness” may not be part of each moment’s conscious awareness, but it is never far. It comes and goes easily across that threshold of consciousness.

A few moments of great visual clarity – with my eyes closed, especially in my left eye, which can see so clearly, it’s like a telescope and x-ray vision combined. That doesn’t make any sense, but it’s true.

More of a sense of purpose to my daily sittings. So much depends on it… How I change the world, one person at a time, starting with me.

Repost: Meditation for the working class folks

I like this post on Elephant Journal from a fellow meditation blogger about setting up your home meditation practice when you have a family, not much of a sangha, and other obstacles. Early in the morning is my best time too.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/07/meditation-for-the-working-class-family-folks/

John Pappas’ blog, where the post originally appeared, is located here, and it’s worth a look-see. He’s located in South Dakota and has a photo of Mount Rushmore that includes the Buddha among the dead presidents! Check it out here:

http://zendirtzendust.com/

Craniosacral therapy, brain waves

Confession: I am a brain geek. I’ve been lucky enough in this lifetime to have worked for 3 years with Nina Davis, craniosacral therapist extraordinaire, and I can’t thank her enough for sharing her work with me.

CST is usually subtle. The one time it wasn’t subtle was when she worked on my locus ceruleus, a “blue spot” in the brain stem that is affected by trauma. When it opened up or unfroze or however it changed, I experienced profound, deep relaxation with no internal images or dialog. Just deep black restful awareness. It was like bliss.

I recommend CST for all trauma survivors. Trauma rewires the brain in a dysfunctional way, and your full recovery depends on you (with whatever help you can get) rewiring it back to a healthy state.

(Besides this, Nina has shown me how acutely a person can develop her sensory acuity, to the point where she’s aware of tiny structures and processes inside her own brain and body and in mine as well, using her fingertips and awareness. She’s just brilliant, like a Bene Gesserit from Dune. I have some perception of my energy body and can feel shifts, but she’s got the detailed inner anatomy down.)

I’ve read articles about scientific studies of long-time meditators that concluded that  meditation affects your brain waves in a positive way. I  believe it, based on 6 months of daily meditation. I experience my energy field differently, although my physical body is feeling pretty good too these days. It’s as if my brain waves are oscillating in more synchrony than before, which is pleasant and self-reinforcing.

I am very curious about brain waves. They are bioelectricity, and there are machines that give you visual feedback of your brain activity. Here’s what I know (from reading A Symphony in the Brain and Wikipedia):

  • Brain waves correspond to mental states, and we usually experience a mixture of states.
  • Delta waves predominate when you’re asleep. They’re at the lowest hertz, 0-4.
  • Next higher, theta waves occur in the hypnogogic state, when you’re falling asleep or waking and your mind feels pleasantly fuzzy and untethered to waking life. When you visualize something, and when you inhibit/repress, you’re in the theta wave range, 4-7 hertz. Associated with relaxed, meditative, creative states. Healing of trauma occurs in this state, where you unrepress traumatic memories by reimagining the trauma as a witness, not a participant, which makes it safe(r).
  • Alpha waves, 8-12 hertz, were discovered first, thus alpha. You can access the alpha state by imagining space inside your body, such as the space between your eyes, or bringing your attention to how your body feels. Occurs with relaxation. More accessible with your eyes closed; opening your eyes can bring you out of it.
  • Beta state, 13-30 hertz, is often referred to as normal waking consciousness. These waves anre active when you are mentally aroused, or having a conversation, or feeling anxious. Ask someone to solve a math problem, and they’ll be experiencing beta waves (so will you, probably). Interestingly, people with ADHD have too much theta in proportion to the amount of beta waves that they have. Retraining consists of lowering theta and raising beta from 9:1 to 3:1. Body movement usually takes you out of beta.
  • The new kid on the brain wave block, gamma waves (25-100 hertz), weren’t measured until people began using digital rather than analog EEG equipment to read brain waves. Studies of Tibetan monks with over 10,000 hours of meditation experience conclude that gamma waves correlate to transcendental meditative states. Also occurs during synesthesia (feeling a color, seeing a sound, etc.). Gamma may signify “binding” of neurons into a network. (Hmm, I’ve heard  that neurons that fire together, wire together. Could gamma be where they wire together? If so, it’s prime territory for learning.)

I would love to have a portable EEG machine and electrodes like Ken Wilber uses in the YouTube video where he shuts down his brain waves. It would be fun to play with and learn from. One researcher claims that each hertz is associated with specific mental activity. That would be fun to experiment with!

I wonder what we would see if both Nina and I were hooked up to EEG machines when we were doing craniosacral therapy. What happens when I’m doing yoga, meditating, drawing, petting my cat — what states occur?

I’ve also learned that you can get a “brain tune-up”. A company called Brain States Technology (with three affiliates in Austin at present) uses a new strategy for working with EEG readouts and improving brain functioning. Rather than using a medical model (specifically retraining the brain not to have epileptic seizures or ADHD), they simply show you how to optimize your brain waves, right to left and front to back. So, for instance, you might have less delta and theta when awake, and more beta in the left hemisphere and more alpha in the right.

I’m gathering information and considering doing it.

I’m interested in increasing my gamma waves, which may signify a mental state called “unity of consciousness.” The jury is still out on this (and scientific juries take a notoriously long time to agree on things).

In the meantime, the man who brought us the Delta Sleep System CD has now created one to optimize gamma waves, Gamma Meditation System. I’m ordering it.

Recommendation from new yoga student

Very grateful to have this recommendation from a new student last night:

Mary Ann is a generous, patient, and experienced yoga instructor. She is flexible in her approach and can accommodate the needs of complete newbies and advanced students, adjusting poses for different experience levels, body types, degrees of flexibility, and health issues. She modifies poses using props, and she substitutes alternate poses that stretch the same muscle groups in a different way for more or less advanced individual students. For example, she suggested using folded blankets to achieve the desired straightness of back for a number of the floor poses, and she helped me experiment with the “supine pigeon” pose to find an approach that would stretch the right muscle groups in my hips without stressing my neck.

Mary Ann encourages her students to challenge themselves, always reminding them to listen to their bodies and learn when they can safely push their limits, and when they should pull back. Her feedback is helping me to be able to feel when I am performing a pose correctly and to understand what movements instructors are trying to elicit when they say things like “draw down your shoulder blades” or “tuck in your brainstem.” Mary Ann believes that yoga can make us all healthier, more energetic, and more flexible in our minds and bodies, and she shares her passion with an infectious enthusiasm and an empowering pragmatism.

My yoga bio

Why do you want to teach yoga?

Yoga has made a big difference in the quality of my life, and I’d like to be able to pass that on to others who are interested.

How long have you practiced yoga?

I’ve lost track. At least 16 years of active practice (and when I didn’t practice regularly, yoga influenced my breathing, posture, and awareness). I started learning yoga from a book in 1982, watching Lilias Folan on PBS to de-stress and create energy. I began seriously practicing with teachers in 1998 to heal after a car accident. I’ve worked with mostly Iyengar, Integral, and Vinyasa Flow teachers in Dallas and Austin and have a home practice. At present I assist Eleanor Harris, substitute for her, and teach private classes while I complete my yoga teacher training. http://www.eleanorharris.com/

What is your favorite benefit from your yoga practice?

The level of overall well-being I feel from practicing yoga regularly.

What do you have to offer as a yoga instructor?

Knowledge, from studying, reading, and working with various teachers and styles of yoga. Encouragement, because I know that yoga is wonderful for the human body. Respect, because it is awesome to see students open up with yoga.

How would you describe the way you want to teach?

I teach beginning and mixed-level classes. I base my teaching on the students’ needs. I use diagnostic poses to see where to focus as well as asking students what they’d like to work on. I break difficult poses down into small chunks to make them easier to learn. With permission, I adjust students to help them feel a pose when words are not sufficient.

Do you require props for teaching or not?

Props are always welcome, and if they are not available, I can teach without them.

~~~

You can navigate to my yoga page from any post on this blog by clicking the blog title.

What is this shimmery phosphorescence in the space between things?

A couple of weeks ago, I posted “My spiritual awakening story.” In hindsight, it would have better been named “A spiritual awakening story.” That one just happened to be dramatic and unusual. Actually now, I think they happen all the time on a micro level.

I’ve gotten some perspective on that. It seemed at the time (and until just now) to have happened out of the blue.

Of course it did not.

In the course of writing my yoga teacher bio a couple of days ago, I realized I had been doing yoga for several years when that event occurred. Yoga totally opens up the energy channels.  I was ripe for it to happen.

Too bad I didn’t have a network of fellow yogis to share with and learn from. And still, I paid attention to my chakras after that, and I knew that opening was good.

Today during my sitting, I experienced something much less dramatic that I’m still curious about.

I meditated for over an hour today, and I opened my eyes for quite a bit of that time.  When open, my eyes were in a soft, unfocused gaze similar to the peripheral vision gaze.

What I noticed was a barely noticeable phosphorescence between things – in the spaces between trees and rocks, trees and trees, rocks and water, earth and trees, water and trees, and so on.

It had a faint shimmery quality.

I’ve seen something similar around plants when nightwalking, but never in the daytime.

I thought to myself, either I’m seeing energy, or I’m seeing humidity!

If you have any knowledge or experience with this, I’d love to share – in the comments or offline.

Sitting on a boulder in a creek

Each season Appamada does an outdoor meditation on a trail west of town, nearly to 620. Today was the summer sit, the first one I’ve attended.

I enjoyed getting to sleep in a little bit today, since we didn’t start until 9. It was fun to meet up with sangha members and chat as we waited for others and got ready for the hike. Usually there’s no chatter on Sunday mornings until after service.

Wow. What a spectacular spot I found, atop a huge flat-topped limestone boulder in the middle of a creek. Luckily I had worn my VFF “toe” shoes and could wade out to it with no problem.

The cicadas totally dominated the sound scene, followed closely by the sound of small waterfalls. Really, those cicadas sounded very much like my tinnitus, only much louder and external. I chose to interpret their noise as life: the joyful fecund life of summer.  Will work on that with the tinnitus.

Just as I had gathered my stuff, feeling done, here comes the rest of the group. we were in sync.

My sangha is full of such happy, interesting people. Grateful!

Book: Buddha’s Brain

I’m reading the book Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom by Rick Hanson PhD and Richard Mendius MD and can’t resist sharing something I just read. It’s about how meditation affects the body/mind. It cites studies (which I won’t do here) showing that meditation does the following:

  • Increases gray matter in the insula, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex.
  • Reduces cortical thinning due to aging in prefrontal regions strengthened by meditation.
  • Improves psychological functions associated with these regions, including attention, compassion, and empathy.
  • Increases activation of left prefrontal regions, which lifts mood.
  • Increases gamma-range brainwaves (above beta, optimal cognitive functioning) in experienced meditators.
  • Decreases stress-related cortisol.
  • Strengthens the immune system.
  • Helps a variety of medical conditions, including cardiovascular disease, asthma, type II diabetes, PMS, and chronic pain.
  • Helps numerous psychological conditions, including insomnia, anxiety, phobias, and eating disorders.

The key is to develop a regular daily practice, no matter how brief. Even one minute before sleep makes a difference, if done consistently.

Article: Seven Things I Want to Tell My Beginner Yoga Students

Click here to read this article, originally posted in elephantjournal.com. Boulder yoga teacher Tiffany Hutchings lists what she’s like her beginner students to know.

I agree.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/06/seven-things-i-want-to-tell-my-beginner-yoga-students/

My spiritual awakening story

This is as good a time as any to tell you the story of how I first came to experience myself as more than just this body and personality.

Although I was raised as a church-going child, I would not have described my parents as particularly spiritual. My dad was an Episcopal minister, and that was his primary livelihood until I was 11. There was no question but that we would attend church, and I did it with gusto. I liked the feeling of being in the church, especially when it was silent. The high ceilings, stained glass, smell of beeswax candles, pipe organ, rich fabrics, hard pews, dark wood…

I sang the hymns and memorized the prayers. My brothers and I snuck over and rang the bell one Saturday, which was fun. We took turns swinging from the bell rope. Later we got spanked. My mother often seemed tense about our behavior around church members.

I liked Jesus from what I’d heard, although he seemed remote, and I pondered on the Holy Ghost. Sacraments – the outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual grace – held fascination for me, but grace seemed elusive, something that adults were smug about and didn’t let kids in on.

Church-going tapered off in adolescence. In my 20s, I became a “Chreaster,” attending church only at Christmas-Easter .

Fast forward to August 20, 1984.  I was on my first ever solitary vacation – five days/4 nights in Santa Fe – at age 31. I left my 3-year-old with her dad and took off from Norman, Oklahoma, where I was working on a degree. It was a budget trip – I drove and stayed at a hostel-type place.

During the days I walked a lot, marveling at the quality of the light and clarity in the air there, and visited museums, art galleries, did the usual touristy stuff in SF.

In the late summers then, and maybe still, the Santa Fe Opera held performances of  the most well-known arias performed by opera students from around the country.  It was truly only about the singing – none of the dialogue, no sets, no costumes. I’m thinking now that it was a massive audition by opera students for jobs with opera companies, and the public was invited to listen.

The performance was at 9 pm on a Monday night, and I had driven to the opera house earlier that day to get my $5 ticket. I got to explore the marvelous architecture of the Santa Fe opera. It’s an open-air facility. A roof overhangs the stage and cantilevers out over the audience, from what I recall, leaving the sides of the stage open to the beautiful mountain scenery.

I returned at 9 pm, wearing jeans, carrying my backpack. The performances had started. Not many people were there. I stood at the back, just taking it all in. I let my backpack slide to the ground.

A soprano was singing. I have no idea which aria it was, but the sound was beautiful, unearthly.

The skies to the north were storming.  From the back, I looked down at the singer and noticed lightning bolts flashing to the sides and behind of the stage. I could almost smell the ozone. I began to feel chills, and then…

… it was as if a bolt of lightning pierced my crown chakra and went down through my body into the earth and stayed there for several long moments.

I didn’t know what hit me, but I definitely felt hit by something. There was no pain, and it didn’t feel like an assault. I was hit by light coming from some unknown source, a light I couldn’t see but could sense.

The experience gradually faded. I could hardly listen to the rest of the performances, I was so puzzled about it. Why me? Why then and there?

I was familiar with the concept of chakras and had been practicing yoga for a couple of years, but I didn’t have anyone to talk about this with who could tell me anything I didn’t already know.

It was an expansive moment in a small life that had no context for it. It shook me. The invisible hand of God threw a different kind of lightning bolt into my head, and it pierced me through and through.

After that, I definitely noticed when my crown chakra was open, and later my third-eye chakra, and so on. I  have since come to understand that the crown doesn’t open for many people, and yet all I have to do is put my attention there, and it opens.

My perspective now is that it was an initiation into my energy body.  Was I chosen? If so, for what? Who can know the truth of this?

I do know this. It was grace.  And I am attracted to energy consciousness, energy movement, energy healing.