Decades ago, I’d been told I had PTSD stemming from a tragic trauma that happened when I was a child, and I read up on it…enough to learn that there is no “cure”.

I found out, over time, that it’s not a life sentence.

I did a lot of processing of the trauma both with and without a therapist, recovering some forgotten memories, piecing together more about what happened way back then, talking to others who were there, having dreams that encouraged me to continuing investigating.

Experientially, I learned that I could be triggered — when something similar to my original traumatized state of shock and horror and overwhelm was reactivated, when a present-day event had some emotional resonance to an aspect of this long-ago trauma.

My whole self responded as if I was in acute danger in the present moment — when actually, I wasn’t.

The mind is powerful. Something like neurons firing together, wiring together happens with PTSD that causes this reactivation, in my understanding. It affects physiology. The present is hijacked by the past.

When triggered, I felt intense anxiety. My system became flooded with stress hormones.

I learned to ask myself if I was in actual danger. My mind deceived me. But it felt so real!

The first time after therapy that I was aware of being triggered, it took three months to fully recover. I isolated myself and focused on self-care. I still went to work, but I stayed home most of the rest of the time, seeking ways to soothe my nervous system, like listening to soothing music and guided meditations, journaling, practicing yoga and breathwork, taking Epsom salt baths, reading positive things, eating nourishing food, watching comedies, gardening, taking naps, taking supplements for adrenal fatigue.

After three months, I felt good enough to be more social again.

Each subsequent time I was triggered, I recovered more quickly. One month, then two weeks.

One night as I was falling asleep, I felt my nervous system slowly starting to go into a triggered state by some memory from the time of the traumatic event.

I pulled myself out of it by changing my focus to the safety and tranquility of the present moment before those stress hormones flooded my system.

My attention was on knowing I was safe at home in my bed, feeling the weight of my body pressing into the mattress, the warmth of being under the covers, the texture of the sheets, sleeping with my favorite pillow.

It took maybe 10 minutes.

Well done, MaryAnn. That was a major milestone in my recovery from PTSD.

I don’t know whether I’ll ever be triggered again, but I have a lot more resources now for preventing that full-blown download of stress hormones that make me feel like unfit company for anyone.

I’ve posted on this blog for nearly 14 years now, and trauma recovery was a major focus early on. I wrote about the trauma releasing exercises, shaking medicine, reading Waking the Tiger, Somatic Experiencing, and more.

I thought I would share my experience here in case it can help anyone trying to recover from PTSD. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you.