Tag Archives: NLP

21-day gratitude challenge starts tomorrow

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A recent NLP explorer wanted to experience more gratitude in his life. That’s been inspiring to me, too. Who among us doesn’t want that? Gratitude feels good!

So I’ve been reading about gratitude. According to Wikipedia, gratitude is:

a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive

People feel the emotion of gratitude after they have received help when the help is perceived as valuable to them, costly to the benefactor, and well-intended by the benefactor. However, people who experience more gratitude in life habitually interpret help as more valuable, costly, and well-intended.

Therefore, gratitude is a habitual bias. And you know what that means. You can develop habits. It takes three weeks to cultivate a new habit.

And so… ta da! I am inspired to cultivate more gratitude in my life. Starting tomorrow, January 12, and ending on February 1, every day I will write down three things I’m grateful for that day and why I’m grateful for them.

You are welcome to join me in this challenge — for all of it or any days you want to participate. Feel free to use the Comments feature on this blog or to respond on Facebook — whatever works for you.

Each day, I’ll also include links to good stuff I find on the Interwebs about gratitude.

If you need more motivation, consider this, from Wikipedia:

A large body of recent work has suggested that people who are more grateful have higher levels of well-being. Grateful people are happier, less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives and social relationships. Grateful people also have higher levels of control of their environments, personal growth, purpose in life, and self acceptance. Grateful people have more positive ways of coping with the difficulties they experience in life, being more likely to seek support from other people, reinterpreted and grow from the experience, and spend more time planning how to deal with the problem.  Grateful people also have less negative coping strategies, being less likely to try to avoid the problem, deny there is a problem, blame themselves, or cope through substance use. Grateful people sleep better, and this seems to be because they think less negative and more positive thoughts just before going to sleep.

Could you use some more of that in your life? If so, join me!

Read these books!

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I read a lot.

Let me clarify that. I don’t read as much as a few other people read, or as much as I read in the past, but I am a reader. I’ve been an avid reader from a young age, at times indiscriminate but now much more discerning.

It’s that Buddhist saying: “Don’t waste time.” If a book doesn’t hook me early on, I set it aside and try later. It doesn’t mean it’s not good. It just means it’s not relevant enough to what I need to learn in that moment to make the effort feel alive. Energy flows where attention goes. If there’s no energy there, why bother?

The following is a list of books I read in 2010,  plan to read in 2011 (plan, not commit), read before 2010 (and mentioned on this blog) that have shaped my world, and reference books that I dip into but will probably not read cover to cover. Links are included to the books’ pages on Amazon.com; if you buy a book from clicking a link here, I’ll get a very small financial reward — which I appreciate, because blogging takes time.

I’ve mentioned a few of the 2010 books prominently, namely, The Open-Focus Brain, A Symphony in the Brain, Buddha’s Brain, The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process, and What Really Matters. You can do a search for those posts and read what I wrote if you want.

Books read in 2010

Buddha, by Karen Armstrong

Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom, by Rick Hanson

The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice, by T.K.V. Desikachar

Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings, by A.G. Mohan with Ganesh Mohan

The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body, by Les Fehmi and Jim Robbins

Relax and Renew: Restful Yoga for Stressful Times, by Judith Lasater, Ph.D., P.T.

The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process: Transcend Your Toughest Times, by David Bercelli

Strengths Finder 2.0, by Tom Rath

A Symphony in the Brain, by Jim Robbins

The Web That Has No Weaver, by Ted J. Kaptchuk

What Really Matters: Searching for Wisdom in America, by Tony Schwartz

Yoga Sutras, translated by Kofi Busia (PDF file)

2011 Reading List

The 4-Hour Body, by Timothy Ferriss

Access Your Brain’s Joy Center: The Free Soul Method, by Pete A. Sanders Jr.

The Alphabet Versus the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image, by Leonard Shlain

Beliefs: Pathways to Health & Well-Being, by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Suzi Smith

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, by Malcolm Gladwell

Chants of a Lifetime: Searching for a Heart of Gold, by Krishna Das

The Complete Book of Vinyasa Yoga: The Authoritative Presentation Based on 30 Years of Direct Study Under the Legendary Yoga Teacher Krishnamacharya, by Srivatsa Ramaswami

Effortless Wellbeing: The Missing Ingredients for Authentic Wellness, by Evan Finer

Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker J. Palmer

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

Nourishing Destiny: The Inner Tradition of Chinese Medicine, by Lonny S. Jarrett

Transforming #1, by Ron Smothermon, M.D.

Waking Up to What You Do: A Zen Practice for Meeting Every Situation with Intelligence and Compassion, by Diane Eshin Rizzo

Yoga Body: Origins of Modern Posture Yoga, by Mark Singleton

Influential books from my past

The complete works of Carlos Castaneda, starting with The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

Dune, by Frank Herbert

Emptiness Dancing, by Adyashanti

The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram: Nine Faces of the Soul, by Sandra Maitri

Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, by Jill Bolte Taylor

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences, by Peter A. Levine

The Healing Triad: Your Liver…Your Lifeline, by Jack Tips

Reference books

Light on Yoga, by B.K.S. Iyengar

Poems New and Collected, by Wislawa Szymborska

The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy, by Cyndi Dale

Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health, by B.K.S. Iyengar

Living through the time of in-between

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I’m feeling some vulnerability in my heart chakra on this morning of the last day of 2011. It feels open and a little bit raw and unprotected.

I’m just moving with it.

Mentally I associate the feeling with the big transition I’m in, from being an employee with a full-time job taking up a huge amount of time, to … something else. The something else is all in the future — selling my house, buying a vintage trailer and getting it set up and moving into it. Those are huge. Then there’s the question of learning and future livelihood.

Emotionally, I’m feeling a charge about future finances, about moving from a steady, predictable, generous paycheck into new ways of earning and relating to money.

Will I need to get another job before my house sells? I don’t know! And if so, doing what? I can expand my yoga teaching and NLP coaching (which I would do for free anyway, except reciprocity is part of it). What else will people pay me to do that I enjoy doing? I don’t know.

So much is unknown! It’s hard for a fear-based Enneagram type like me (5 with a 4 wing) who loves the certainty of “knowing”  to stay centered in the present moment instead of feeling anxiety about the unknown future.

So I’m meeting my karma here, facing it fully.

Yet isn’t it all unknown, really? Haven’t we all been surprised by external events…or by some previously unknown part of ourselves making itself known?

To live in this in-between time as best I can, I’m committing to doing a lot of daily energy work, both moving and still, verbal and nonverbal.

  • Tapping Away Pain (like EFT)
  • yoga
  • sitting
  • Reiki
  • pranayama
  • chi gong

I can do all of these as needed, from morning until bedtime.

Whatever I know to get centered and connected to the Source, I’ll do it as often as I can.

Now Let’s Play (NLP)

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Some of you know that I have training in NLP (practitioner, master practitioner, and training assistant, to be specific). Over the past few years, I’ve had the opportunity to practice NLP on fellow trainees, friends, colleagues, and the occasional client.

I have had so much fun doing NLP that it’s time to let the world know I’m ready to share this amazing work with others!

This post is for those who would like to know more about NLP, which stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming, and which is very popular now in Europe, Asia, and South America even as it continues to grow in the U.S.

What is NLP?

That is a question that no two NLPers will answer alike, mainly because it’s a large body of work with many applications. It was begun in the 1970s when the founders decided to model the excellent performance of three well-known, successful therapists — Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls, and Milton Erickson, who were able to get results that no one else could at that time — and it grew out of what they learned.

Since then many people have studied NLP, applied it, contributed to it, and expanded it — once you learn the basics, it allows for improvisation, which keeps it alive and relevant.

Here are some of the definitions I’ve heard:

  • NLP is the science of subjective experience
  • NLP is the technology of achievement
  • NLP is modern-day shamanism

This is my favorite:

  • NLP is what works

NLP has influenced conscious languaging, EMDR for trauma recovery, EFT and other energy psychology techniques, psychotherapy, sales and marketing, achieving goals, and recovery from phobias, traumas, and allergies.

The whole idea that people are primarily visual, auditory, or kinesthetic? That comes from NLP.

The Key NLP Skill

It is noticing what is, or calibration in NLP lingo.

Noticing what is. Life as it is. Pure Zen.

One of the first NLP skills taught is noticing people’s eye movements when they’re speaking and recognizing that they are showing you something about what their internal experience is. If their eyes are looking up while answering a question or telling a story, it’s highly likely they’re actually seeing an internal image. Ask them for verification.

This can help you deepen your rapport with others, and it can help them access consciously material that previously has been unconscious.

NLP Coaching

When I do an NLP coaching session with someone, I listen to what they want and ask questions. I match their needs to my toolbox, and we work and play together, noticing what gets results.

Since I began training in NLP, I’ve gradually concluded that what NLP does best is help people get unstuck. This generally makes it easier to heal the past, have access to more of their own resources, and have a brighter future with more possibilities.

Sometimes all it takes is one visit.

Contact me if you are feeling stuck in some area of your life! Reasonable, negotiable rates.

Other NLP Resources in Central Texas

The person who I took my practitioner, master practitioner, and evolutionary NLP training with is Tom Best of Best Resources/Texas Institute of NLP.

I’ve also taken both introductory and advanced NLP courses from Keith Fail and Katie Raver at NLP Resources Austin. Keith is also an excellent coach and now assists Tom Best in the practitioner and master practitioner training.

The Austin NLP Meetup meets every fourth Tuesday, with a subgroup interested in hypnosis meeting every second Tuesday. Join the Austin NLP meetup to get information and reminders. (Full disclosure: I’m the program director.)

Linaka Joy provides NLP coaching services from her home base in San Antonio and also runs the new San Antonio NLP Meetup. Her website is called JoyTech.

10 ways to be more present

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We all experience not being present — spacing out during a conversation, not remembering the drive home, thinking about work problems during dinner, eating mindlessly, worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet, bashing ourselves over some mistake.

To be present is to be aware of the present moment, to be here now, in Ram Dass’ words. This is where life really happens. The past is over, and the future never arrives. The present is all we really have.

Unclouded by the baggage of the past and clear of worry about the future, the present moment has sparkle to it, life. You have more fun. You feel more grateful. You listen more deeply, and your conversations are better. By doing one thing at a time and doing it well, you get more satisfaction from your work. You enjoy life more.

Being present is a skill that most anyone can learn, practice, and master. I’ve definitely gotten better at it, and as with any skill, there’s room for refinement.

I’ve practiced yoga, NLP, the 12 states of attention, peripheral walking, and meditation over the last few years. All of these practices have helped bring me more into the present moment, and over time, I’ve gotten better at it. Not coincidentally, I have more joy in my life.

Here are some of my favorite ways to live in the present moment. For many of these ways, it doesn’t matter where you are. You could be on hold, in line, at a red light, in an elevator, sitting at your desk, or exercising.

  1. When you wake up in the morning, really check in with your body. How does it feel? Stretch, wiggle, move, and get centered.
  2. Notice your breath. Which parts of your body move when you breathe? How does inhaling feel different from exhaling?
  3. Close your eyes and reopen them. What do you see? Close your eyes and reopen them again. What do you notice now that you didn’t notice before?
  4. Notice how many sounds you can hear. Include the sounds you usually filter out.
  5. Feel a part of your body. Could be the soles of your feet, the palms of your hands, the top of your head. Just give it your full attention for 30 seconds.
  6. Eat slowly and mindfully. Don’t do anything else. Just eat and pay attention to the chewing, the tastes and textures, the swallowing.
  7. Notice whether you have an internal dialogue going on. Listen in! What are they/you saying?
  8. When you walk, notice your walking. Do your right and left legs feel the same? What about your feet? Are you holding yourself stiffly anywhere? Just notice.
  9. If an emotion arises, notice it. Where in your body do you feel it? Does it move around or change? How long does it last? What’s the name of this emotion?
  10. Notice when your attention has moved to the past or the future. Does the past or future feel different from the present? Is it useful at this moment to be in the past or future? When you’re ready, kindly and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.

Notice that these exercises are based on simple curiosity about what your actual experience is.

When you’ve done each one of these several times, you can begin to create new habits to help you be more present.

  • When you hear a phone ring, bring your attention to your breath.
  • When you walk through a doorway, notice you’re walking into a new space.
  • When you see a flower, really see it. (Smell it too.)

Try being more present for a day, week, month, a season, or a year. What might that do for your life?

If you like this post, please click Like. Thanks!

How to lose and find something with equanimity

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This past Saturday morning, I prepared to go to a weekend workshop, Harmonics of Healing, with Tom Best and Steve Daniel. (Tom is my long-time NLP trainer, whom I now assist at trainings, and Steve is a didgeridoo player and sound healer extraordinaire.) Held at the Tree of Life Sanctuary in Radiance south of Austin, I was planning to sleep over and packing my sleeping bag, ice chest, and the various items I’d need over the weekend.

I got everything loaded in my car. Ready to leave, I reached in my shoulder bag for my keys — and they weren’t there.

Searched bag. Searched front seat, floor, sides of passenger seat, all around driver’s seat. Checked ground between front door and car.

No keys.

Thought maybe I’d left them inside the house, now locked. Climbed in through a window and searched. No keys.

Perhaps because I was on my way to a workshop/retreat, I began observing myself. I realized that every time I lose something, it’s as if I’ve never lost anything before. I seethe with impatience and frustration and arrogance.

How dare those keys go missing right when I’m ready to leave?

Just that bit of self-awareness helped me slow down and realize that I’ve lost things many times before. This is not a new experience.  There is something familiar about this. The Native American tradition gave us Trickster. When items go missing, it’s Trickster, playing games.

My keys are hiding from me! How cute! How precocious of them! What a surprise!

From this perspective, losing my keys became very, very funny! I called Katie and told her my keys were hiding from me, and that I didn’t know when I’d be there. I was smiling as I called.

I also noticed that I had switched from mainland time to island time. Trickster feeds off pomposity and arrogance and loves to make people look like buffoons. Getting present instead of racing ahead mentally to the next thing is one of the best things to do.

I remembered a technique for lessening anxiety called Mind Juggling, and that is to toss a ball from hand to hand with my eyes gazing up. The activity and eye direction change one’s state. I got out a tennis ball and began tossing it from hand to hand, gazing up to where the wall meets the ceiling.

After a bit, I got an impulse to bring in some yoga props from the back seat of my car. I’d been intending to do that for a while. Why not now?

As I was removing yoga blocks, from the corner of my eye, I saw my keys on the ledge behind the seat. Just where I’d set them when I had loaded the car, cramming the ice chest in.

I had completely filtered that out from my memory.

Ahhhh. Game over. I win. Thank you, Trickster, for your lessons and the stretching I develop to meet the moment.

Keys in hand, I locked the house and went to my workshop/retreat, which was lovely.

When I got home Sunday evening, I unloaded the car and put things away. I made myself a cup of tea and was ready to sit down and check email.

Guess what? No laptop. And no keyboard, mouse, carrying case, DVD/VCR player, antique flute.

My house had been burglarized.

Stay tuned for more about loss.

12 states of attention

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Update: This post was originally written in 2010, and it’s now 2023. Some things have changed. I’ve met and taken several trainings with Nelson. He’s a crusty, lovable curmudgeon and very, very smart.

You can find Nelson’s archived Navaching website here.

You can get a new or used copy of his book The Structure of Delight on Amazon.

If you’re a fan of Nelson Zink and in particular his work on peripheral vision and nightwalking, you might be interested in attending a nightwalking training in Taos, New Mexico, with Katie Raver. Details here.

~~~

My most recent post, Refining Awareness, includes some instructions about using your vision to focus down to the pixel level, and then to open your vision and let everything come into your field of vision.

These activities are based on a set of exercises called the 12 states of attention that I learned about and practiced and taught, so that now I seem to have internalized them enough that I don’t consciously think about it.

The three main senses we use are seeing, hearing, and feeling, or visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. NLP 101.

Each of these senses can be experienced externally and internally. For example, I can see the computer in front of me, and I can close my eyes and remember the image or imagine the computer morphing into a piano. That’s Visual External and Visual Internal (remembered and constructed).

You can further expand your sensory acuity by practicing using each sense as broadly and as narrowly as possible. Hence, look at a pixel, then let everything come in. Those states are Visual External Narrow (VEN) and Visual External Broad (VEB).

You can do this with hearing as well. You can focus on one sound in your environment (or in your memory or imagination), and you can focus on all the sounds.

Same with kinesthetic awareness. Internal, external, narrow, broad.

A man I’ve never met but who has been a teacher for me came up with the 12 states of attention. His name is Nelson Zink, and he’s got a pretty amazing website, Navaching. Click here to read about the 12 states of attention. He’s got a lot to say and says it well. (And check out his other pages. It’s pretty fascinating. I also do nightwalking. And read his book, The Structure of Delight.)

The point is that through our conditioning, most of us come to favor some states and neglect others. If you enjoy having more resources, you can practice these states and gain awareness skills. You never have to be bored again, and you will reach more of your potential!

So when I meditate and do a body scan, I may bring to awareness my skin, starting with my head and slowly going down my body to my foot, bringing each area into awareness (Kinesthetic External Narrow).

Or I may attend to how my head, chest, and belly feel (Kinesthetic Internal Somewhere-Between-Narrow-and-Broad).

When I do whole body awareness, I am using the Kinesthetic Internal/External Broad state of attention, including my energy field.

(The convention is that the skin is the boundary between external and internal for the kinesthetic sense. But because my energy body radiates through my skin, my skin is a permeable boundary, and I’m sensing internally and externally at the same time.)

The kinesthetic sense may actually be a lot of senses, including balance, knowing where my foot is in space, temperature, tactile, muscular, and so on. Emotions are usually classified as kinesthetic as well, since we feel them in the body.

Anyway.

Wisdom is a broad state, no matter whether we’re seeing the big picture, hearing the cosmic OM, or feeling connected to Source. Big Mind is a broad state, and that’s a skill gained from meditation.

Check out Zink’s website and practice the exercises given, if you like. It will bring you gifts of knowing yourself and experiencing more of your full potential.