What if…something about you that you believed was your worst liability — for instance, surviving a devastating trauma and learning to live with it the best you knew how but also accepting that it’s embedded in your bodymindfield and part of who you are — actually drew someone to you for a healthy reason?
And what if…you had a really long and difficult time finding your place in this world, finding your people and your livelihood, and you learned that you had a personality type that 1% have — and the other 1%-ers are introverts too, so good luck finding them, right? — and then you met someone who’s so close who seems capable of being a mirror that reflects you back to you, and that you can do the same for them?
I’m just going to shut the fuck up now and take this in.
Sitting in my favorite writing spot, staring out the window as spring unfolds upon the land here in Austin, Texas. There’s a mature tree on my property, a volunteer planted by nature, that is fully laden with white blossoms. It may be in the apple family, malus. It doesn’t bear fruit and has thorns, and butterflies and bees love those blossoms.
Yesterday, an intense phone conversation. Attempts to set things right, correct misunderstandings, set boundaries, wrestle for domination, with no shouting, but needing to be fierce and interrupt. Two very different ways of using the English language were struggling to be understood.
This is the closest I’ve been to having a fight with someone in years. It was healthy, timely, and deepening, in my opinion.
“The meaning of your communication is the response you get.” That’s a presupposition in NLP. What does this mean to you? Do you check to see if your words are understood?
Meanwhile, I was watching butterflies alighting on blossoms, feeding, fluttering away.
How do you know when you’re out of your cocoon, when you’re done turning and are ready to emerge and spread your wings? My full emergence is yet to come. This wasn’t it. Or maybe it was. Sometimes metaphors only go so far.
I like my verbal communication to be personal, simple, and clear. When I’m working with another person professionally or just having a long conversation with a friend, I like to listen and use my touch in just the right place or use my words to say just the right thing. It’s like seeing where the cracks are and bringing the light that gets in. I like to be accurate and clear. Best case, it penetrates, heals, and adds to their wholeness. Click. Breathe. Yes.
Sometimes it takes a while to get there. Some bodies and psyches are confused, including mine, at times.
I do not yet know if there was anything healing for my counterpart in yesterday’s exchange. I mind a lack of healing, because that is the intent.
I met it as best I could and still felt prickly enough hours later to leave my house to dance because movement and rhythm help me come back into myself.
I don’t enjoy conflict and have often fled from it. Sometimes it’s important to say who I am in a world that underestimates me, to plant myself and stand my ground and let my hard-won worthiness be known.
I felt strong in my center line throughout, connected to heaven and earth. When I felt pushed off center, I recovered my balance.
I’ve been waking before 6, lying drowsily in the dark, under the covers, all warm and snuggly, surrounded by pillows, luxuriating in not having to get up and (usually) not feeling like I didn’t get enough sleep and need to get some more shut-eye.
This daily journey from nonconsciousness to consciousness feels so good to take it slowly. Feeling my warmth, my body weight surrendered to gravity, I notice that energy is pouring out the soles of my feet — or maybe pouring in. Not even the entire sole, but a circle around K1, Bubbling Spring, where the kidney channel begins. The force is strong there.
The little part of my brain that’s always going, “But what does it meeeaaaannnn?” doesn’t know what that’s about except that it’s healthy. Am I letting out too much or being replenished? Don’t know. Maybe connected to earth element because feet, right? Powerful point, powerful channel, kidney chi.
I may doze a little, but when the light starts to return, I get up and pee and return to sit in my bed and just sit. Yeah, I have beautiful, fancy meditation gear, and I sit in my bed.
I used to think of it as meditation, but now I like to just call it sitting. Sitting with what is. I tune into breath and body, sounds, and I enter a state of integrity and subtle bliss. I notice sensations, thoughts arising and dissipating, sometimes an emotional tone. I open up and make myself available.
Sometimes my thoughts are strong and sticky. I use my will to return to stillness, over and over. Sometimes I command my unruly thinker to be still, and it actually obeys, which is amazing and gratifying. I like to go deep into the swirly energy currents and let them wash me inside and out. When I am being breathed, I’m there. No will needed. Just surrender.
After sitting, breathing. Current practice: kapalabhati, the 4-7-8 kriya that Dr. Fulford taught Dr. Weil, and nadi shodhana.
I make myself a cup of matcha (with Berkey-filtered water heated to 160 degrees F because I’m that kind of person) and return to my bed, stare out my window, hear the noise of birds, traffic, trains, and the motors and beeps of heavy construction equipment, because Austin. The city is reaching the country.
I come into some clarity, and I simply need to write and share. I’ve realized that it’s probably not a good idea to text my early morning downloads to the possibly unprepared dear ones I’m fortunate enough to have in my life, at least until I’ve had an opportunity to check in. Still, there’s that need to express.
Guess what? I have a blog, and you’re reading it! I used to post more personal writing here but haven’t for a long time. I can do that again.
So…I’m back, my people! Here we are with my new strategy: morning pages for all to see, being intimate in a way that’s safe for me and my associates in this sometimes crazy, dangerous world. You didn’t want to know the particulars anyway — you like melding minds, and here’s my contribution. This business of being human requires courage and boundaries and discernment and trust, and a whole lot more…and that’s what’s coming up today.
Some things I will be writing about: finally figuring out that I’m an empath and learning how to be a healthy empath because sometimes it is quite troubling and draining.
Also, what the fuck is right relationship and how can I be/do/create/collaborate on that?
And also, being an autodidact. Being both ordinary and extraordinary because so are you and let’s talk about it. And whatever comes up that’s appropriate to share here.
We all learning here on this bus. That’s all for today, lovelies. Be well.
Every year since 2010, I’ve written a post summarizing the year on this blog. Here are the highlights for 2018.
My posts from years past about healing my injured sacroiliac joints have gotten a lot of comments in 2018 from people who are also suffering, and that has brought the most gratification this year, to know that documenting my healing journey offers hope to others.
To summarize that journey, I saw many practitioners in various bodywork modalities for a couple of decades before finding one who truly understood what it would take to heal the injury. I followed her advice, and it worked. My final post, Sacroiliac joint healed!, published in 2017, includes links to all my previous posts on the topic.
In 2018, I had 94,239 visitors and 127,235 views. This is down a bit from 2017, even though I wrote more posts in 2018. I’m attributing the downturn in visitors and views to social media burnout.
Social media has been a fun new toy — and more people are seeking balance in their lives. I’m actually fine with it, as I’m seeking balance too. Writing fewer posts but having them be more germane to how we can live better lives works for me. Plus, I’m a bodyworker and wellness advocate by trade. Less text neck, eye strain, forward head posture, and sitting are better for your health. I want you to be healthy!
I wrote 32 blog posts in 2018, totaling 16,319 words, averaging 510 words per post, a bit shorter than I typically have written.
Of the posts I wrote this year, these have gotten the most views (listed newest to oldest):
The most-read post in 2018 was one first posted back in January 2014, How to drink water with lemon and preserve your tooth enamel. It’s gotten the most comments of any post I’ve ever written. Believe it or not, almost 5 years after it was first published, 40,960 people read that post in 2018. I hope they/you are preserving their/your tooth enamel!
At the end of 2018, I have 292 followers on WordPress, 92 on email, and 605 on social media. Thank you!
The most popular day and hour for reading my blog is Sunday at 2 pm.
And now (drum roll), where are readers from? Well, it looks like this:
all of North America except Greenland
all of South America except for one tiny country north of Brazil (French Guiana)
all of Europe except Svalbard islands
all of Asia except Iran, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan
most of Africa except Western Sahara, Guinea-Bissau, Mali, Chad, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Democratic Republic of the Congo, and Somalia
I imagine there are some tiny island nations that don’t appear on the map with no readers
As always, it astounds me how connected the world is now because of the internet.
One of my intentions for 2019 is to improve my writing. I’d like to write a monthly post but have each be more interesting, compelling, and shareable.
I’m summarizing polyvagal theory, originated by Dr. Stephen Porges, from a 10:48-minute video interview of him. I’m doing this for my own understanding, and I want to share because it’s a new way of thinking about traumatic responses. It has major implications for my work, and I’ve added my own comments in brackets. I am sure I will continue to refine my understanding.
Dr. Porges says that polyvagal theory is the understanding of how our body reacts to various challenges. The autonomic nervous system [involuntary, like heart beat] has evolved in vertebrates, changing and adding new circuits that function in a hierarchy. The newer circuits can inhibit older circuits. The older circuits were circuits of defense. Continue reading →
I’ve been writing about TMJ pain and dysfunction on my Facebook business page and on my Austin, Texas, USA, private-practice website’s blog. Now I’m sharing an index of these posts here on my “big blog”.
If you have TMJ disorder and want to read any of those posts, here are the links.
I view TMJ issues as not just biomechanics, although it plays a role. This issue has social, emotional, historical, biological, cognitive, and spiritual aspects. I am very aware that some people, especially in the mainstream medical and dental fields, may believe it’s unnecessary or even laughable to provide information on so-called “woo-woo” or “fluffy” topics like essential oils, yoga, and the throat chakra for people who are suffering from jaw pain and dysfunction.
So let me share how I came to write this series of posts. Instead of just going to experts (and I have done that), I also asked women who suffer from this problem what helps, and they told me. And I believe them!
Since nine times more women than men experience severe, chronic TMJ issues, this is super valuable information to share.
I want the world to know that TMJ treatment is available beyond night guards, pain meds, and surgery, and there are so many options for self-care: massage, exercises, training yourself in new habits, reducing stress, improving posture, acupressure, nutrition, stretching, journaling, meditating, and more. I’m working on designing programs to evaluate and treat specific TMJ-related issues. More later!
If you bump into this limited and limiting attitude, please share this post, and please share in the comments your experiences and any other resources you have found helpful.
I’ve been doing ecstatic dance since 1995, mostly in Austin. It’s brought me many gifts: a community of friends, inspiration, playfulness, release, sweat, cardio, deeper embodiment, awareness of my body/others/the space, hugs, a place to experiment with movement and energy, expression, connection, and the natural high that comes after dancing for an hour or two.
The availability of ecstatic dance in Austin has increased over the years, and the community evolves. I will list current opportunities here and update this blog post with changes when they occur.
At all of these dances, we dance barefoot in clothes we can move and sweat in. A facilitator puts together a program of danceable recorded music — and sometimes there’s live music. These dances take the form of a musical wave that usually follows the pattern of the 5 Rhythms wave (flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical, and stillness) of the late Gabrielle Roth (shown above), starting slowly, building to a crescendo, and descending into stillness — a manifestation of the idea that each dance is a journey into yourself traversing different interior terrains.
The dance space is nonverbal — we take our conversations outside the space.
Boundaries are important. Not everyone wants to dance with a partner all the time or even to be touched. We read and use body language to say yes or no, and we don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to dance with us. People dance alone, with partners (many or a few), or with groups of people.
The safety of all is important too. Some dances allow contact improv or acro-yoga (usually on the edges of the space) and others don’t. Some allow children and others don’t.
Courtesy: The New Yorker
Some facilitators offer a theme for the dance after a warmup. Some may offer a guided warmup, while others provide guidelines for newcomers.
All ages are welcome at most of these dances. I’ve danced with people that are nearing 80 and with babies in Snuglis on a parent’s chest. If you are considering bringing children, it’s probably a good idea to connect with the facilitator first. If you bring them, you will need to make sure they and the other dancers stay safe.
Also, most facilitators make earplugs or headphones available for those sensitive to loud music, children or adults — and you can always bring your own.
At the end there’s a closing circle, where OMs or a silent meditation may happen, people share their first names, and there may be some shareback about the experience and/or announcements from dancers, or not.
All of the founders and facilitators listed below are on Facebook, and some of the dances have their own Facebook page or website. Links are provided below for more details.
Tribal Joy meets Sunday mornings from 10-1 at The High Road, 700 Dawson (just south of the river with views of the downtown skyline). Oscar Madera is the founder and most frequent facilitator. $12, or buy 5 dances for $50 or 10 for $100. Tribal Joy and Ecstatic Soul Sessions honor each other’s dance cards.
Ecstatic Dance Austin (click here for website and to join email list) meets at Dark Clan Fight Lab, 1106 Smith Road #106 (near 183 and Bolm Rd. in east Austin) on Sundays, 9:30-12:30. David Baker and Ellen Evans are the founders and facilitators. $12.
Reset meets every Monday, 5:15-6:45 pm, at Dance International, 2417 Buell, in north Austin near Burnet and Steck. It was founded and is facilitated by Lisa DeLand, a 5 Rhythms teacher trained by Gabrielle Roth. $15.
Ecstatic Soul Sessions meets Tuesday evenings from 7:30-10 at The High Road. Mia E. Pem is the founder and frequent facilitator. On the first Tuesday of every month, there’s live music from Spirit Lab Music. $12 per dance, or buy 5 dances for $50 or 10 for $100. Tribal Joy and Ecstatic Soul Sessions honor each other’s dance cards.
Dance in the Park meets on Thursdays at Zilker Park (near Rock Island on the north side of Barton Springs Road) from 6:30-8 pm. Hosted by Jessica Rae Ellis. $10 suggested donation.
Indra’s Awarehouse, 7904 FM 969 (take MLK Blvd. east of Austin), offers ecstatic dance on Thursday nights, 7:30-10 pm, and Sunday nights, 6-9 pm. Randi Southard is the founder. $10.
Friday Ecstatic Dance is held on Fridays, 6:30-8:30, at Yoga Yoga Westgate, 4477 S. Lamar Unit 420. It starts with a guided meditation during warmup and offers a 5 Rhythms-based wave. Amparo Garcia-Crow is the founder, with Lisa DeLand, Donna Starnes, and others also facilitating. $10.
Step into Yes, for women only, meets the first Saturday of every month from 10:45 am-1 pm at the Life in the City sanctuary, 205 E. Monroe, off South Congress. Created and facilitated by 5 Rhythms teacher Lisa DeLand, Step into Yes includes a facilitated-by-a-dancer creative interlude sandwiched between a warmup and a 5 Rhythms wave. Sliding scale $15-25.
Rhythm Sanctuary is new to Austin, having taken root in the Boulder and Denver area. Shannon Gill-Jones is the founder, and Russ Ohlhausen facilitates. Dates TBD.
I have an advanced integrative bodywork practice in Austin, Texas. I focus on bodywork, where people typically stay clothed, as a way for receivers to experience positive transformation in how they experience themselves.
Some descriptors that clients have used after a session with me include:
feeling more organized and coherent
feeling lighter on my feet
being more grounded, more solid, in my body
moving with effortless ease
having better posture, feeling aligned, put together better
feeling expanded, less stuck, with more freedom
feeling more confident
My most transformative work has roots in Chinese medicine and osteopathy.
One of the treatments I’m most known for is TMJ Relief. I offer a free 30-minute consultation for those who are curious about what a well-trained and experienced massage therapist can do to relieve jaw pain and dysfunction. (Yes, I work on the internal jaw muscles and also use craniosacral therapy techniques.)
For more info or to book an appointment online, please check out my website.
As of November 2, 2016, you will not see any advertising on this blog! WordPress used to charge $100 to run an ad-free blog, which I thought was too expensive, given that I’m already paying them to run this blog.
The price came down, as I learned when I helped a friend set up a WordPress website. It now costs $2.99 a month, payable annually, to remove all advertising. I can afford that.
Thank you, WordPress.
It’s not that I’m totally opposed to advertising. A lot of what we do in our human interactions is marketing goods and services, when we praise or disdain restaurants, books, movies, massage therapists, cars, candidates, jobs, insurance companies, and so on. I like word-of-mouth best, but sometimes I seek online help finding a good place to spend my money.
Advertising is so prevalent in our 21st century American culture: on signs, billboards, the sides of trucks, bumper stickers, television, and rampantly on the internet. It feels distracting, like I’m being yelled at or grabbed without my consent. It’s insidious and annoying. And no, I don’t equate invasive capitalism with democracy. I want a choice.
I thought I could I ignore the ads, but when I began to use AdBlock, I must say it feels so much more satisfying to view websites without ads. I can appreciate the design, and it feels like a more peaceful, relaxing experience I can savor.
I know that some good websites rely on the income from ads. My response is, give me the option to subscribe without ads. If I like it, I might pay a few bucks to keep it ad-free.
I had no choice about which ads appeared on my WordPress blog. Wanting to be in integrity with my mission as a wellness blogger, when I saw a McDonald’s ad on my blog, I stopped allowing WordPress to freely run ads. (Not that I had enough views to earn even one cent from it.)
The single ad WordPress insisted on making me pay to remove is now gone.
September 2016 newsletter sent to my Austin area mailing list. To subscribe, send your email address to mareynolds27 at gmail dot com.
Free Zero Balancing? Discounted craniosacral therapy? Read on! From MaryAnn Reynolds, MS, LMT, BCTMB. Thanks from my heart for making my work possible.
The view out the window in my new office.
Free Zero Balancing!
Everyone (well, almost) likes free bodywork, right? I’m just back from Zero Balancing II training in San Antonio, where I deepened my knowledge, got lots of supervised practice and feedback, and refined my technique.