Feels like this will be a short post. Back to work today after 3 days off. Cedar fever is gone, but I had a bit of a nosebleed this afternoon, another experience I haven’t had in years.

Fell asleep on the sofa watching a video; woke and thought it was much later. I am tired.

Sitting tonight, I spent time on breathing with each chakra and the surrounding area.

Noticed a lot of activity in my brain, around my head. I feel it with the skin of my scalp and forehead, but it’s coming from the inside. Parts of my brain are lighting up while I meditate.

There’s energy moving. There seems to be more movement on the left side.

Science confirms that meditation rewires the brain, and that’s what I think is going on. By sitting, I am allowing my brain to rewire itself in a smarter, happier way than I have ever consciously been able to achieve.

Maybe the promise of enlightenment is really an inducement to get people to just sit and rewire and become happier and smarter people. That’s still pretty good motivation!

I’ve read somewhere that meditation is the only non-drug way to change one’s emotional setpoint to be happier.

When I find studies on this topic, I’ll share them here.

Goodnight.

Today is the last day of my first full month of sitting daily.

I’m pleased that I actually accomplished zazen for 30 minutes every day. This may be the first time in nearly four years of meditation that I’ve sat for 31 consecutive days.

I’d heard how beneficial it is to meditate daily and wanted to investigate that personally.

Over the month, I experienced myself as a living, changing body-mind system.

I noticed I experience foreground and background inside my awareness.

I discovered that attention and awareness are not the same. Attention exists inside awareness. Attention moves from phenomenon to phenomenon–a thought, an itch, a memory, a plan, an emotion, an ache.

Awareness is everything.

A couple of days it’s been difficult to sit. I’ve been cranky and totally failed to find serenity and stillness. I can back off, look at the bigger picture of my life, and find compassion.

Because of those experiences, I’m modifying my rules. If I can’t breathe through my nose, don’t sit. And if external conditions for sitting do not bode well (i.e., noise), create better conditions or wait for change.

I often find myself sitting in a state of quiet bliss. One day that was amplified so much that I simultaneously felt like I was drunk, in love, and immersed in water, all at the same time.

My teacher says when that happens, I can take it as a sign that I’m on the right track. It’s a guest who shows up in meditation sometimes.

She also says that aches, pains, and stiffness–the physical discomfort from prolonged sitting–are part of the experience. It’s material to explore and work with.

Yes, I can give up self-punishment! Or so I hear! I look forward to knowing I’ve done that.

Tonight I meditated to live drumming. I was at the Austin Shamanism Tribal Gathering.

I joined a circle of people, most of whom were drumming Native American style, using the same type of drum to pound a solid steady rhythm.

Then we  trance danced, with bandanas or scarves blindfolding us, to some driving shamanic rhythms.

I really got into it. I realized how much my body loves dancing, especially in this free form, where literally no one is watching, where I could stay rooted in pretty much one spot and just let my body move to the music the way that felt good and right.

I miss dancing. I stopped a couple of years ago to work on my body’s alignment issues. There was something else that just told me it was time to not dance. I’d trance dance every few months, and that was it.

Now I feel like I have had enough stillness of that kind. It’s time to dance again. The achiness and adhesions are not telling me to be still. They are telling me to move more.

After dancing, I found a place on the floor, got still, checked in, did a few stretches. Then I found a yoga blanket and rolled it up and sat in a corner while the drumming continued.

I noticed my crown chakra was very open, and at times I had a sense of a tube of energy/light from my crown down through the center of my body. The drumming also kept me very present.

I also had a sense of a shift that I don’t feel very articulate about, except to say that it’s a vast shift in how I pay attention. I would like to write more about this, and when it’s baked a little more, I will.

Went to the new chiropractor this morning. His office is out toward Lake Travis, deep in the cedar-studded hills. I was reacting by the time I got there.

Unexpectedly, he muscle-tested me for airborne allergens and declared me reactive to grass, cedar, and pecan pollen. Then he concocted a homeopathic remedy, which just tastes nasty, although I am happy to say I’m one of the 80 percent for whom it works.

Then to work. Lots of meetings and getting caught up after being out sick a day. Yoga at lunch. I agreed to teach the beginner class on Monday. Another meeting earlier this evening.

Off and on today, sneezing, nasal congestion, and a feeling of inflammation inside my nostrils. It’s annoying and a bit fatiguing. Remembered acupressure points to ease nasal and sinus congestion.

When I was ready to sit, I took the nasty medicine and drank kombucha to allow a more pleasant taste to linger on my taste buds. Sat in the dark in half lotus.

Quiet. Breathe. Dark. Sense body.

I think I feel a current in my spine. Was that a current? Pause. Yes. There is an electric current in my spine. I’ve been taking pulses (my own and others) acupuncture-style, building sensitivity and not wanting to know what the interpretation is. Just a couple of weeks ago I felt a current at my wrist for the first time.

Now I feel the current again, in my spine. It feels like electricity, like when I’ve gotten a mild shock before, but with the intensity knob turned down to barely perceptible. A warm buzz, almost a flow.

Dang. Who’d have guessed there would be so much to be aware of, sitting in silent stillness?

Achoo! Achoo! Okay, okay! Good night!