Category Archives: sitting

Read these books!

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I read a lot.

Let me clarify that. I don’t read as much as a few other people read, or as much as I read in the past, but I am a reader. I’ve been an avid reader from a young age, at times indiscriminate but now much more discerning.

It’s that Buddhist saying: “Don’t waste time.” If a book doesn’t hook me early on, I set it aside and try later. It doesn’t mean it’s not good. It just means it’s not relevant enough to what I need to learn in that moment to make the effort feel alive. Energy flows where attention goes. If there’s no energy there, why bother?

The following is a list of books I read in 2010,  plan to read in 2011 (plan, not commit), read before 2010 (and mentioned on this blog) that have shaped my world, and reference books that I dip into but will probably not read cover to cover. Links are included to the books’ pages on Amazon.com; if you buy a book from clicking a link here, I’ll get a very small financial reward — which I appreciate, because blogging takes time.

I’ve mentioned a few of the 2010 books prominently, namely, The Open-Focus Brain, A Symphony in the Brain, Buddha’s Brain, The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process, and What Really Matters. You can do a search for those posts and read what I wrote if you want.

Books read in 2010

Buddha, by Karen Armstrong

Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom, by Rick Hanson

The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice, by T.K.V. Desikachar

Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings, by A.G. Mohan with Ganesh Mohan

The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body, by Les Fehmi and Jim Robbins

Relax and Renew: Restful Yoga for Stressful Times, by Judith Lasater, Ph.D., P.T.

The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process: Transcend Your Toughest Times, by David Bercelli

Strengths Finder 2.0, by Tom Rath

A Symphony in the Brain, by Jim Robbins

The Web That Has No Weaver, by Ted J. Kaptchuk

What Really Matters: Searching for Wisdom in America, by Tony Schwartz

Yoga Sutras, translated by Kofi Busia (PDF file)

2011 Reading List

The 4-Hour Body, by Timothy Ferriss

Access Your Brain’s Joy Center: The Free Soul Method, by Pete A. Sanders Jr.

The Alphabet Versus the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image, by Leonard Shlain

Beliefs: Pathways to Health & Well-Being, by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Suzi Smith

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, by Malcolm Gladwell

Chants of a Lifetime: Searching for a Heart of Gold, by Krishna Das

The Complete Book of Vinyasa Yoga: The Authoritative Presentation Based on 30 Years of Direct Study Under the Legendary Yoga Teacher Krishnamacharya, by Srivatsa Ramaswami

Effortless Wellbeing: The Missing Ingredients for Authentic Wellness, by Evan Finer

Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker J. Palmer

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

Nourishing Destiny: The Inner Tradition of Chinese Medicine, by Lonny S. Jarrett

Transforming #1, by Ron Smothermon, M.D.

Waking Up to What You Do: A Zen Practice for Meeting Every Situation with Intelligence and Compassion, by Diane Eshin Rizzo

Yoga Body: Origins of Modern Posture Yoga, by Mark Singleton

Influential books from my past

The complete works of Carlos Castaneda, starting with The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

Dune, by Frank Herbert

Emptiness Dancing, by Adyashanti

The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram: Nine Faces of the Soul, by Sandra Maitri

Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, by Jill Bolte Taylor

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences, by Peter A. Levine

The Healing Triad: Your Liver…Your Lifeline, by Jack Tips

Reference books

Light on Yoga, by B.K.S. Iyengar

Poems New and Collected, by Wislawa Szymborska

The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy, by Cyndi Dale

Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health, by B.K.S. Iyengar

Article: Why meditation may help you live longer

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People who meditated for six hours a day (!) for three months were found to have more of an enzyme that can mitigate or perhaps even stop cell aging.

So it’s entirely possible according to scientists that meditation extends people’s life spans. Meditators know it probably does.

I’m pretty sure yoga does too, just judging by the long lives of people who devoted most of their lives to yoga, such as T. Krishnamacharya, K. Pattabhi Jois, Indra Devi, B.K.S. Iyengar (still living). All lived to see 90, some more than 100.

So how does it work?

So how does meditation affect the machinery of cellular reproduction? Probably by reducing stress, research suggests. Severe psychological stress — particularly early in life and in the absence of social support — has been linked with poorer health, increasing risk for heart disease, stroke and some cancers. This is likely due to the negative effects of high levels of stress hormones on the brain and body. By reducing stress hormones, perhaps meditation contributes to healthier telomeres.

Stress is the enemy.

Read the article from Time magazine’s Healthland blog here.

Living through the time of in-between

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I’m feeling some vulnerability in my heart chakra on this morning of the last day of 2011. It feels open and a little bit raw and unprotected.

I’m just moving with it.

Mentally I associate the feeling with the big transition I’m in, from being an employee with a full-time job taking up a huge amount of time, to … something else. The something else is all in the future — selling my house, buying a vintage trailer and getting it set up and moving into it. Those are huge. Then there’s the question of learning and future livelihood.

Emotionally, I’m feeling a charge about future finances, about moving from a steady, predictable, generous paycheck into new ways of earning and relating to money.

Will I need to get another job before my house sells? I don’t know! And if so, doing what? I can expand my yoga teaching and NLP coaching (which I would do for free anyway, except reciprocity is part of it). What else will people pay me to do that I enjoy doing? I don’t know.

So much is unknown! It’s hard for a fear-based Enneagram type like me (5 with a 4 wing) who loves the certainty of “knowing”  to stay centered in the present moment instead of feeling anxiety about the unknown future.

So I’m meeting my karma here, facing it fully.

Yet isn’t it all unknown, really? Haven’t we all been surprised by external events…or by some previously unknown part of ourselves making itself known?

To live in this in-between time as best I can, I’m committing to doing a lot of daily energy work, both moving and still, verbal and nonverbal.

  • Tapping Away Pain (like EFT)
  • yoga
  • sitting
  • Reiki
  • pranayama
  • chi gong

I can do all of these as needed, from morning until bedtime.

Whatever I know to get centered and connected to the Source, I’ll do it as often as I can.

When meditating triggers presence, like Pavlov’s dog #reverb10

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Brene Brown, whose TED Talk I blogged about the other day after discovering Alan Steinborn’s recommendation on Facebook, does this thing on Twitter that she explains here on her blog. She calls it #Reverb10 and describes it as:

an online initiative that encourages participants to reflect on this year and manifest what’s next. It’s an opportunity to retreat and consider the reverberations of your year past, and those that you’d like to create in the year ahead.

As I understand it, it’s a group initiative. Thirty-one writers post prompts for writing and reflection on Twitter using the hashtag #reverb10. Brene is one of the writers. Anyone can get on Twitter, search for #reverb10, and respond.

Because not everyone is on Twitter, Brene has graciously made space on her blog where people can respond in the comments (with more than 140 characters!) to any or all prompts, and/or leave a link to their blog.

This is social networking at its most awesome!

Here is Brene Brown’s prompt for Dec. 27:

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

Click the link above to check out Brene’s response to her own question, and those of many others.

And here is my response.

My most joyful ordinary moment is about something that I became aware of recently, and to understand it, I need to share a little background for new readers.

I started this blog as a year-long project to help myself develop the habit of meditating for 30 minutes daily. I’d meditated for several years, but not consistently. I’d do okay for a couple of weeks, then get derailed (sometimes for another couple of weeks).

I knew meditation had all kinds of beneficial side effects, and I wondered:

If I could put a little (or a lot) more effort into meditating every day, how would my life change?

Well, I failed. I did not meditate every day. I could not meditate with a stuffy nose (mouth breathing just doesn’t get it for me).

I also went through a period of rebellion a few months into the year. I was laying this demand on myself, and it felt burdensome. I rebelled, took a break, plunged inward with questions, and came back wanting to do it, recommitted.

I also had a sort of breakdown/spiritual awakening in November that resulted in me quitting my day job after six years. I was so distressed, I couldn’t sit. A lot of things in my life came to a head. I had planned to leave my job at the end of May in order to start acupuncture school in July, but circumstances actually made it the perfect time to leave (and my gut said I had to, besides).

Other than that, oh, and la-di-dah, a few days of just pure laziness, I have meditated daily in 2010.

End of background.

My most joyful ordinary moment came a week or so ago when I realized that as soon as I sat down on my meditation cushion and took a breath, that I was there. In the present moment. It felt like all considerations of the past and future just dropped away, leaving just the moment and the breath and the quiet bliss.

I am now like Pavlov’s dog, only instead of a bell triggering salivation, sitting on a meditation cushion triggers presence.

I created that in 2010.

This will go to Twitter, and I’ll comment on her blog as well. She’s giving away copies of both of her books and her DVD! I wouldn’t mind having those at all!

I love this project!

10 ways to be more present

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We all experience not being present — spacing out during a conversation, not remembering the drive home, thinking about work problems during dinner, eating mindlessly, worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet, bashing ourselves over some mistake.

To be present is to be aware of the present moment, to be here now, in Ram Dass’ words. This is where life really happens. The past is over, and the future never arrives. The present is all we really have.

Unclouded by the baggage of the past and clear of worry about the future, the present moment has sparkle to it, life. You have more fun. You feel more grateful. You listen more deeply, and your conversations are better. By doing one thing at a time and doing it well, you get more satisfaction from your work. You enjoy life more.

Being present is a skill that most anyone can learn, practice, and master. I’ve definitely gotten better at it, and as with any skill, there’s room for refinement.

I’ve practiced yoga, NLP, the 12 states of attention, peripheral walking, and meditation over the last few years. All of these practices have helped bring me more into the present moment, and over time, I’ve gotten better at it. Not coincidentally, I have more joy in my life.

Here are some of my favorite ways to live in the present moment. For many of these ways, it doesn’t matter where you are. You could be on hold, in line, at a red light, in an elevator, sitting at your desk, or exercising.

  1. When you wake up in the morning, really check in with your body. How does it feel? Stretch, wiggle, move, and get centered.
  2. Notice your breath. Which parts of your body move when you breathe? How does inhaling feel different from exhaling?
  3. Close your eyes and reopen them. What do you see? Close your eyes and reopen them again. What do you notice now that you didn’t notice before?
  4. Notice how many sounds you can hear. Include the sounds you usually filter out.
  5. Feel a part of your body. Could be the soles of your feet, the palms of your hands, the top of your head. Just give it your full attention for 30 seconds.
  6. Eat slowly and mindfully. Don’t do anything else. Just eat and pay attention to the chewing, the tastes and textures, the swallowing.
  7. Notice whether you have an internal dialogue going on. Listen in! What are they/you saying?
  8. When you walk, notice your walking. Do your right and left legs feel the same? What about your feet? Are you holding yourself stiffly anywhere? Just notice.
  9. If an emotion arises, notice it. Where in your body do you feel it? Does it move around or change? How long does it last? What’s the name of this emotion?
  10. Notice when your attention has moved to the past or the future. Does the past or future feel different from the present? Is it useful at this moment to be in the past or future? When you’re ready, kindly and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.

Notice that these exercises are based on simple curiosity about what your actual experience is.

When you’ve done each one of these several times, you can begin to create new habits to help you be more present.

  • When you hear a phone ring, bring your attention to your breath.
  • When you walk through a doorway, notice you’re walking into a new space.
  • When you see a flower, really see it. (Smell it too.)

Try being more present for a day, week, month, a season, or a year. What might that do for your life?

If you like this post, please click Like. Thanks!

Shifting from alpha to theta waves in meditation

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I sat this morning, and toward the end of the 30 minutes, I felt a definite shift. You regular readers know I’m interested in brain waves. I think this was a shift from alpha to theta!

(One of my desires for 2011 is that between selling my house soon and starting at AOMA in July, I can acquaint myself with my brain wave states using a neurofeedback machine. I’d like to be able to relate my subjective experience to objective feedback and write about it.)

It’s important to be clear that even though I’m writing about shifting brain wave states, a shift is not just mental (i.e., experienced inside my brain). Shifts occur in my energetic body-mind. Brain wave biofeedback uses electrodes on one’s head, and perhaps that is the best place on the body to place electrodes to get a good reading, but shifts affect the entire body-mind-energy system.

It was like this: I began sitting. Immediately I gave my physical body more attention. (Before, monkey mind — and my feet — were wandering through the house with the loose intention of sitting before breakfast, and my feet found their way to my meditation corner.)

The attention to my physical body began to trigger little blossomings in my energy body. (Over the course of this year, I’ve become habituated to sitting. Like Pavlov’s dog, sit me down on a zafu, and certain things happen.)

I check in with my whole body, noticing stiffness in part of my back. It begins to relax. I breath prana into it for deeper relaxation.

I tell myself:

Let my whole body embrace my breath. Let me make it welcome. Let me receive it fully and let it go fully.

Pause, then big spontaneous inhalation, with my breath being fully and completely welcomed and embraced. Ah.

I think:

Hmm, maybe I should blog about this sometime.

Then for a while, I focus my attention on the energy field around my head. Just noticing my halo! Crown chakra, third eye chakra, throat chakra all open and clear.

I direct my attention to my heart center. This morning it feels quiet and open.

I begin remembering bits of Peg Syverson’s dharma talk at Appamada Zendo yesterday about the nature of wanting.

Our energy field expands to include that which we desire. We become attached; the attachment becomes part of who we are.

From wanting, suffering may (or may not) arise.

There is nothing wrong or bad about wanting!

I evaluate my own thoughts and think:

Hmm. Wanting and attachment. Mental note to self: explore this in a future blog post! But first, listen to Peg’s dharma talk again online.

That Peg is so brilliant.

And then:

Oh, thinking mind! Come back to the present, to my body.

Now where was I? Ah, yes, my belly.

Attention moves to belly. Mmm. Feel pleasant sensations between ribs and pelvis. Feel nice round heavy juicy energy in second chakra. Mmmm. Feel my tailbone, sitz bones, flesh, the root chakra area open and expand, heavy against the zafu.

I think:

I used to not experience much root chakra energy. It has returned in full force. I feel happy about this.

Now I merge awareness of my head, chest, and belly centers together to experience whole body awareness.

Ah. There it is. Deep inhale, deep exhale. I’m there.

Attention moves within the field of my whole body. News of difference moves it. A pain (contraction) here, a blossoming (expansion) there, neutral awareness of my wholeness.

This goes on for some time. I feel pleasantly relaxed and alert and centered.

Then I notice the shift.

It’s as if my body and mind have become heavier. My mind has definitely calmed. My body feels more still as well. It’s as if my vibrations are oscillating more slowly and congruently.

I feel more passive, more surrendered to the moment. I experience less of a need to be on top of things, to be in control, to do anything, really. It’s as if my ego has stepped away.

I don’t feel tired, but this is similar to feeling pleasantly fatigued. No effort. Quiet heavy bliss.

Then the timer chimes and I come out of it. I think:

Hmm. Maybe it takes 25 minutes to reach this state. I’m going to set my timer for longer and find out.

Experiencing my armor, and learning to disarm myself…

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A quick post. This morning when I sat, I noticed clearly that when I am thinking thoughts or telling myself a story with negative emotions like anger, blame, fear, and worry attached, I go completely into the story.

Then I realize that I have been sucked out of the present moment into the story. Rather, the story I tell myself has sucked me out of the present moment into suffering.

Then I come back to the present moment.

Then I feel it in my body. Somewhere in my body, I feel holding, stiffness, tightness, a grinding sensation, emotional distress. This is armor.

When I let go of the story and just be present with what is, I feel relaxed and pleasantly centered in my body.

It’s very clear. I do this to myself with my mind by telling myself stories. It’s not that the stories themselves are bad. There are real injustices in this world, and people make real mistakes, including myself.

But I see how I create my own suffering at times when I don’t need to suffer! Hashing over past events, imagining future events, arguing, trying to win, trying to control others…

I see how addictive drama can be.

Today, I practiced letting go of my stories when I realized they were hurting me.

Leaving a job, embracing the unknown

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How much change do you need or seek?

I need a certain amount of change in my life, and I’ve worked in an environment for the last six years where people often stay in the same job for decades.

I gave two weeks’ notice at my job on Monday.

I once worked at the same place for eight years, although that job involved promotions, various managers, and several reorganizations. In my current job, I have done the same thing for the same manager for six years. I’ve liked working with her. She hasn’t been perfect, but I’ve felt comfortable with her supervising my work. She’s a literate technologist, and I appreciate her. Now she’s retiring, and I’ve come to see it is also the best time for me to leave.

Even though giving up a secure job brings insecurity, I feel strongly that I did the right thing anyway! I feel exhilarated and insecure, free and scared and adventurous.

I’m excited about the new opportunities I have — to work in a health food store, to work in a garden center, to spend more time with my granddaughter, to catch up on my reading, to devote more time to improving my blogging, maybe travel a bit, take some workshops that intrigue me.

To rediscover my own biorhythms instead of those artificially imposed by an employer’s needs — yippee!

And of course as I’ve mentioned before here, I’m selling my house, planning to downsize into a vintage trailer, and have been accepted into the Academy of Oriental Medicine of Austin with a summer start date.

I am witnessing doors open — like being asked if I’d be interested in teaching an “old men’s” yoga class!

I notice a kind of shedding that accompanies leaving this job. My mind feels sharper and more resourceful. I feel more alive.

I am not who I was six years ago. Dang, but I have done a lot of yoga since then, substituted for my teacher, and finally trained as a teacher.

I’ve taken two levels of NLP training and presented on NLP topics, with plans to do more and some coaching again.

I finally read all the Carlos Castaneda books and discovered some great poets and took up the pennywhistle.

I’ve traveled to Maui twice and discovered West Texas.

I’ve been in and out of relationship a couple of times.

I’ve been a support for my daughter while she’s gone to nursing school.

I’ve been an integral part of my granddaughter’s life.

I’ve worked hard on several health issues with a lot of success.

I’ve made some friends at work and gotten kudos for my work.

And of course, I started meditating and started this blog.

Really, I cannot count all the changes I’ve made while working in this same steady job. The job has made it possible for me to grow and change, and now it seems I’ve outgrown the job.

I’ve come to accept that truly, life is change, that change is the key characteristic of life. I walk towards it now.

Suffering more effectively

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Every Wednesday, I get an email from Nipun Mehta called InnerNet Weekly, also viewable in a browser. Here’s the link to view this week’s message on how to suffer more effectively, written by Shinzen Young.

Therefore, there is nothing whatsoever to be said in favor of pain per se for meditators. It can just as much create new blockages as it can break up old ones. Everything depends on one’s degree of skill in experiencing it. Very little depends on the intensity of the discomfort itself. A small discomfort greeted with a large amount of skill will break up old knots. A small discomfort greeted with a large lack of skill will create new knots. The same is true with respect to big discomforts. The trick is not so much to endure massive doses of pain, but to develop that skill which will allow you to get the maximum growth out of whatever happens to come up.

Click the link above to learn more about the skills needed.

Here’s more from Thomas Merton on suffering:

Indeed, the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers the most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture. This is another of the great perversions by which the devil uses our philosophies to turn our whole nature inside out, and eviscerate all our capacities for good, turning them against ourselves.

Contemplative neuroscience: how meditation changes your brain

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Today I ran across a link to CNN’s Belief Blog, about how meditation changes the brain, complete with images of brain scans.

The article cites Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin and research on the limbic system and development of concentration and empathy, and also the left anterior region and positive emotions (available after only a few weeks of meditation). He’s the most well-known contemplative neuroscientist, being a friend of the Dalai Lama’s, who has given him access to Tibetan monks who are among the most highly experienced meditators in the world with over 10,000 hours. (At one hour per day, it would take 27 years to accumulate that much time meditating!)

It also cites (new info to me) Andrew Newburg’s study of the prefrontal cortex and attention, and the superior parietal lobe and lack of orientation to time and space. Could this explain the experience of oneness and presence in meditation? Makes sense to me.

The National Institutes of Health is funding more research in contemplative science, an encouraging sign.

Still, the nascent field faces challenges. Scientists have scanned just a few hundred brains on meditation to date, which makes for a pretty small research sample. And some scientists say researchers are over eager to use brain science to prove the that meditation “works.”

“This is a field that has been populated by true believers,” says Emory University scientist Charles Raison, who has studied meditation’s effect on the immune system. “Many of the people doing this research are trying to prove scientifically what they already know from experience, which is a major flaw.”

But Davidson says that other types of scientists also have deep personal interest in what they’re studying. And he argues that that’s a good thing.

“There’s a cadre of grad students and post docs who’ve found personal value in meditation and have been inspired to study it scientifically,” Davidson says. “These are people at the very best universities and they want to do this for a career.

“In ten years,” he says, “we’ll find that meditation research has become mainstream.”

I hope so.