On the third day of gratitude…health, a car wreck, and the best novel ever

I am grateful for my health. I know that is a “typical” thing to be grateful for, and that people often compare themselves to those who are having serious health struggles, so they feel grateful and somewhat guilty.

I like comparing present to past in my own life, since health struggles are inevitable, seeing that we are all mortal. It’s more useful.

In my past I’ve neglected my health terribly and suffered from it. Smoking, drinking, eating crappy processed stale food, shorting myself on sleep, being stressed for prolonged periods of time, not exercising, being depressed or resentful or numb.

Mostly that was due to my own ignorance about how to improve and maintain my health.

I lacked awareness that what holds us in life are chemicals and electricity operating within a narrow bandwidth, and when our bodymindheartspirit systems go outside that bandwidth, life fails and we die.

To be truly healthy means attending to and nourishing our bodies with the food we eat and the water we drink, using our bodies with physical activity, and letting our emotions become trusted messengers doing their jobs, helping us make decisions and connect with others and fulfill our destinies, no more and no less.

I woke up this morning feeling really great. My bodymindheartspirit feels flexible, fierce, capable, loving, playful, and resilient. I loved on Mango, my cat, who has been feeling a little under the weather the last few days, keeping quietly to himself. He loved receiving a long, gentle massage. My health overflows, and I am grateful.

I am grateful for a car wreck that I had in 1996 that changed my life. I know it seems like an odd thing to say, and I wasn’t grateful for a long time afterwards. I felt like a victim (and technically, I was driving completely appropriately, hit by someone who was driving inappropriately, speeding, drinking, and passing on the right as I made a right turn, who left the scene, never to be held accountable by law or insurance — luckily I had uninsured motorist coverage). I had to give that up to God and focus on my recovery. God has taken care of it.

In hindsight, what that car wreck did for me was set me on the path to health. I had to set some new boundaries based on my limitations. I started seeking relief from the damage to my body, which outside of a few stitches on my head, was soft tissue damage — my musculo-skeletal system was seriously out of whack, stretched this way and that by the impacts.

Healing has taken years and money, and in the process I’ve learned of other long-standing health issues and worked through them.

I got serious about doing yoga. I experienced chiropractic of several kinds, myofascial release work, and so much more. I got a fabulous first-hand education, and now I am moving in the direction of becoming a healer myself.

Today I also feel grateful for Michael Malone, whom I have never met, but whose novel Handling Sin is the most entertaining novel-reading experience I’ve ever had. Thanks to Cate Radebaugh for recommending it. I trust your discernment about fiction, Cate!

I tell you, this guy is a born storyteller who has crafted a fabulous tale about the responsible misfit in a large Southern family from the small town of Thermopylae, NC, accompanying him on an incredibly improbable and hilarious roadtrip, meeting colorful characters that will make you laugh and weep (in fact, one character, a tiny aged Jewish career criminal, is named Weeper Berg) as you and the hero recognize truths about human nature.

Michael Malone has me in the palm of his hand, and I’m grateful for everything it took for this book to be written and published and get into my hands.

Gratitude for my daughter, women friends, and skilled intuitive healers

About gratitude journals

From googling “gratitude journal,” the practice apparently began in 1996 when Sarah Ban Breathnach created The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude as a companion to her popular book Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.

Here’s a blurb about the book:

“Gratitude is the most passionate transformative force in the cosmos,” promises author Sarah Ban Breathnach (Simple Abundance) in her introduction.

I believe it, Sister Sarah!

Sarah asked journalers (journalists?) to write five things every day that they felt grateful for and said they would feel their lives shift within a couple of months.

In 1998, Oprah Winfrey had Sarah as a guest on her show, and as we all know, Oprah just knows goodness. The gratitude journal took off.

I missed out on this back then. It was in the early days of the world wide web (remember that?). I was working at a computer all day, and in my free time, the last thing I wanted to do was be on a computer. (My, how Facebook and blogging have changed that!)

I was raising an adolescent girl going through her most difficult period, in an often-strained relationship.

Actually, looking back, keeping gratitude journals would probably have been a fantastically wonderful practice for us to share back then, if she had deigned to share anything with me.

Hmmm. She’s changed, and so have I.

What I feel grateful for today

Today I feel grateful for my whole experience of motherhood. From pregnancy (easy), through childbirth (difficult), to the moment I held my new baby in my arms for the first time and she wrapped her tiny fingers around my little finger (instant love), I have been blessed to have had a child, a daughter, and specifically my daughter, Lela Rose, who is 29 years old now.

Lela at her Dec 2010 graduation from nursing school, with her women friends.

I watched and helped her grow up, even as I grew up more myself, and she has turned out to be a mensch, a true human being. I see her in her young adult years now, a mother herself, starting her nursing career just this week, moving through struggle to accomplishment. I see her self-esteem, her worthiness, her competency, her intelligence, her endearing goofiness, her wisdom, her discipline, her caring, her limits too.

What I am most grateful for about being a mother is the personal growth that raising her brought to my life — the growing up that I had to do, the inner work of exploring my values, learning when to be flexible and when to stand firm, the changes that being her mother brought to my life.

Today I feel grateful for my women friends, in particular Clarita and Linaka, whom I spent time with last night. We go way back to 1995 when we began ecstatically dancing together. That is 16 years of knowing each other, talking, coming together and moving away, seeing each other through difficulties and joys and sharing them, traveling together, cooking and eating together, always laughing together, and lately doing NLP with each other.

I feel blessed to have so many women friends, new and old, near and far. There is something about the friendship of women that is so nurturing. I think we let our hair down when it’s just us, in a way that we don’t or can’t with men, because we share the lifelong experience of being women in this culture. And when we have common interests and affection for each other, the connecting is abundant.

Today I feel grateful for those people I’ve encountered so far in my life who are skilled intuitive healers. I’ve mentioned Patrice, my acupuncturist, and Chandler Collins, my chiropractor, on this blog before.

Yesterday I had a heart-centering bodymind session with Bo Boatwright, who is a chiropractor but who has learned and developed a method that one could do with just a massage license.

Having experienced one session with Bo, I’d say his work with me on the table was a combination of massage, chiropractic, myofascial release, rebirthing, and visualization. He rolled me and moved me to find the stuck places, and he dug into the stuck places, having me breathe all the while, until my body spontaneously began to release stress/tension/stuckness in the manner of rebirthing and trauma releasing exercises.

After my body quieted down, I felt sadness arise in my heart chakra. I cried, and Bo asked me about my relationship with my parents, who died in 1984 and 1997 (but of course one’s relationship with parents doesn’t end with death). I opened my heart to them, forgave them, embraced them, kissed them…

A couple of hours later, in a moment of quiet stillness, I noticed a new space in my heart center, an openness that wasn’t there before.

Thanks, Bo. I’m grateful for you. And heads up, you are teaching me.

Shiva Rea and the Krishnamacharya lineages

I attended a yoga workshop yesterday led by Shiva Rea. Even if you don’t do yoga, you may have seen her videos. She’s definitely a rock star in American yoga! She’s studied yoga in India, and she’s incorporated music and dance into yoga, in effect making it a larger part of American popular culture. She’s learned, excellent, and a lot of fun!

Even before I took yoga teacher training, I was aware that two major styles of yoga, Ashtanga and Iyengar, were developed by men who studied with the same yoga teacher. I was curious about how that came to be. I wanted to know more about T. Krishnamacharya, the teacher of both K. Pattabhi Jois and B.K.S. Iyengar.

I read The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice, by Krishnamacharya’s son, T.K.V. Desikachar, and Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings, by A.G. Mohan with Ganesh Mohan, both of which shed light on Krishnamacharya’s life, especially his later years when they were studying with him. (Krishnamacharya was over 100 when he died in 1989.)

I also got The Complete Book of Vinyasa Yoga, by Srivatsa Ramaswami, another one of Krishnamacharya’s late-in-life students. I intend to start practicing vinyasa kramas.

It’s my understanding that Shiva Rea has gone to India and studied yoga with each of these men who studied yoga with Krishnamacharya during his later years, when his teaching and philosophy had matured from life experience. Her yoga is about the fluid body, and she incorporates a lot of Sanskrit (the original language of yoga) concepts into her teachings. I’m grateful to Shiva for this; makes me want to dive deeper.

Here’s a brief summary of Krishnamacharya’s life and his early and late lineages. Even if you’re not interested in yoga, he was an extraordinary person who led an extraordinary life.

Krishnamacharya was interested in yoga from childhood and had an ancestor who had written about yoga. This was when India was a British colony, and some parts of Indian culture, including yoga (asanas) were in danger of being lost.

Krishnamacharya learned asanas from his father and from an early age began “collecting” asanas, which were only practiced in obscure places because the practice of yoga was dying out. He eventually traveled all over India, even into Afghanistan, collecting asanas, and after university (where he studied all the Indian philosophies), he went to Tibet and lived for seven years with a yoga teacher. This teacher, Brahmachari,  about whom little is known, taught Krishnmacharya yoga (all eight limbs, not just asana) and how to use it therapeutically, and then told him to return to India, marry, and teach yoga.

Krishnamacharya was primarily responsible for the revival of yoga in India and its subsequent spread around the world.

Krishnamacharya taught yoga to Iyengar and Jois when they were adolescents at his yoga school in Mysore. Krishnamacharya was known for adapting yoga to the student’s needs, so he taught them yoga for young, flexible bodies. These two teachers come from the early Krishnamacharya lineage.

Iyengar, even though he was Krishnamacharya’s nephew, received less instruction than Jois did. He had moved in with his aunt and uncle as a sickly teenager and hung around the yoga classes and did chores. When a star student who was supposed to demonstrate some advanced poses in public failed to show up, Krishnamacharya had Iyengar do the demo. Iyengar did well — doing yoga had improved his health.

Before long, Krishnamacharya sent him out on his own to teach yoga — but not before pushing him into hanumanasana (splits), which Iyengar had never done before, tearing his hamstrings. From this, it seems apparent that in his early years of teaching, Krishnamacharya was quite demanding, tough, and arrogant. (I’ve heard that Iyengar has injured students as well. I’m happy to see yoga teaching evolve completely away from using force.)

Cut off from his teacher, Iyengar continued to teach himself yoga as he was developing his teaching practice. He focusing more on holding poses in alignment, whereas Jois taught what Krishnamacharya had taught him and called it Ashtanga. This is how the fluid Ashtanga and the more static Iyengar styles of yoga came into the world through two students of the same teacher.

When India became independent, the yoga school in Mysore shut down, and Krishnamacharya moved his family to Chennai and taught yoga there. In this later period of his yoga teaching career, while still teaching the vinyasa style of doing asanas, he put more emphasis on using yoga therapeutically and indeed was known more as a healer than as a yoga teacher in Chennai. He no longer taught large classes of students. He preferred to work with students one on one. He taught asanas, pranayama, various Hindu and Vedic philosophies and texts, and chanting and other devotional practices, but only if students were sincere.

This is where he taught A.G. Mohan, Srivatsa Ramaswami, and his own son, Desikachar. Krishnamacharya had lost some of his arrogance with age. He himself was a very disciplined, serious, competent person. In his early career, he expected his students and family to practice as he did. In his later career, he let them go their own way. He still expected his students to be dedicated and to do a high quality of work.

Sadly, Krishnamacharya did not live to see that millions of people have benefitted from his life’s work. He was a highly devoted spiritual practitioner, and that was the primary focus of his life. Yoga was the vehicle. He was highly educated, acquiring six university degrees, attesting to his brilliance. He studied the yoga philosophy, but unlike his teachers, he went to the Himalayas in search of a practice. He didn’t just practice yoga or teach, he was yoga.

Finding your strengths = following your bliss

Since January is usually a time when people think about the coming year and what they’d like to change in their lives (or what they’d like to be experiencing by the end of this year), it seems like the perfect month to write about finding your strengths.

First, an aside about strategies to enjoy life and be successful. Some of us have learned that we need to develop our weaknesses in order to be successful.

You should be more whatever.

How do you feel when someone says that to you? What is presupposed here?

Now try this on:

Wow, you are really great at whatever!

How do you feel? What’s the difference?  Which statement is more motivating? Inspiring?

On the whole, it is more joyful and productive to build on your strengths. People who do what they’re good at and like doing are more engaged in their work and have a higher quality of life.

Last year I learned about a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. This book is a Wall Street Journal bestseller, but it has wide applications, not just business.

By the way, only buy the book new, not used, for reasons given below. It’s currently $10.61 on Amazon.com. Click the link above to view and order. The full retail price is $24.95.

Background in brief: For 40 years, the Gallup Poll people have studied human strengths. A couple of guys narrowed them down to 34 different strengths and developed an assessment to help people find their strengths. That’s the basis of Strengths Finder 2.0.

A new copy of the book has an access code at the back to take the assessment online. I took it and received a summary that lists my top five strengths in order, applications for each strength, and quotes from real people who share my top five strengths.

These are my top five strengths in order:

  1. Maximizer (by the way, this book appeals to Maximizers )
  2. Adaptability
  3. Relator
  4. Activator
  5. Futuristic

One note: On some of the questions, I felt that I might answer one way today, a different way tomorrow. I pretty much sped through it, which is encouraged. It would be interesting to take the assessment once a year for several years to see how much my top five strengths change or remain the same.

Now a little about my strengths:

  • Maximizer means I measure myself by excellence. I polish the pearl until it shines. Others see me as discriminating. I’m attracted to people who have found and cultivated their strengths [and who want to find and cultivate them].
  • Adaptability means I live in the present. The future isn’t fixed but a place I create out of choices I make now. I don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours for long — I expect them and at some level look forward to them.
  • Relator means I’m attracted to people I already know and want to get to know them better. I don’t shy away from new people, but I do get a lot of pleasure from being around my friends. If you don’t know me, don’t let this scare you. Every friend was once a stranger who came into my life.
  • Activator is about doing. Only action makes things happen. Once a decision is made, I cannot not act. I believe that action is the best device for learning. I put myself out there and take the next step.
  • Futuristic is about seeing possibilities, which pulls me forward. I am fascinated by the direction of energy from the past through the present into the future. Futuristic initially seemed to conflict with Adaptability, but I think having these two in my top five strengths as well as Activator means I like manifesting, actualizing, realizing.

Based on these five strengths, my mission statement is:

I am passionate about manifesting excellence with my friends.

I like it!

    Wake up!

    Aside

    from East Side Art photos

    Playful Joy

    Aside


    Playful Joy 

    Early Dec. 2010, behind Metz Elementary, Austin, TX

    How do you experience and cultivate gratitude in your life?

    When do you feel gratitude, and what happens before it?

    It seems to me that there are two kinds of gratitude: the you-should-feel-grateful kind (because you have food to eat while the starving children of X don’t) and the kind where you actually feel grateful to be alive.

    One is imposed and is tinged with guilt, while the other arises from inside. I’m more interested in the latter.

    I’m thinking of George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life. He goes through an ordeal where he sees life as if he had never been born. He sees the people he knows, but no one recognizes him. Clarence the Angel shows George how the people of his town are worse off for not having known him. George is so miserable, he’s about ready to do away with himself, when…

    Watch George’s gratitude in this YouTube video.

    That’s some gratitude, huh? What’s your favorite movie depiction of gratitude?

    Many many years ago, during a crisis, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. It seemed that life was closing in on me, and I did not have the resources to handle it.

    Then one day I realized the pressure had lessened. I was handling it to the best of my ability, and I wasn’t alone. Some of the weight lifted, and I felt tremendous gratitude.

    That gratitude was not just an attitude, but a deep reconnection with life as it is (was) that permeated my whole being. It was like being smitten with the present moment, and with everything that crossed my path. That gratitude had a large measure of joy in it.

    Yeah. That kind of gratitude. If you could bottle it up and sell it, you’d make a fortune.

    Do you cultivate gratitude in your life? I do. I can close my eyes and ask myself:

    What if I didn’t exist?

    When I open my eyes, I feel grateful. I am in the right place at the right time. I am here now in this brand new moment.

    I also believe that another side effect of sitting is that I experience more gratitude/joy. (Really, could you have one without the other? I think probably not.) Since sitting is really about fully getting present with yourself, I guess it’s not surprising. I just didn’t know that’s what sitting was all about when I started.

    How do you experience and cultivate gratitude in your life?

    New year, new blog look, seeking feedback

    Okay, I’ve decided to get better at this blogging thing I do. Not only have I changed the name, but I’ve also changed the look.

    Please tell me if you like it and how it could be better. Thanks!

    Read these books!

    I read a lot.

    Let me clarify that. I don’t read as much as a few other people read, or as much as I read in the past, but I am a reader. I’ve been an avid reader from a young age, at times indiscriminate but now much more discerning.

    It’s that Buddhist saying: “Don’t waste time.” If a book doesn’t hook me early on, I set it aside and try later. It doesn’t mean it’s not good. It just means it’s not relevant enough to what I need to learn in that moment to make the effort feel alive. Energy flows where attention goes. If there’s no energy there, why bother?

    The following is a list of books I read in 2010,  plan to read in 2011 (plan, not commit), read before 2010 (and mentioned on this blog) that have shaped my world, and reference books that I dip into but will probably not read cover to cover. Links are included to the books’ pages on Amazon.com; if you buy a book from clicking a link here, I’ll get a very small financial reward — which I appreciate, because blogging takes time.

    I’ve mentioned a few of the 2010 books prominently, namely, The Open-Focus Brain, A Symphony in the Brain, Buddha’s Brain, The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process, and What Really Matters. You can do a search for those posts and read what I wrote if you want.

    Books read in 2010

    Buddha, by Karen Armstrong

    Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom, by Rick Hanson

    The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice, by T.K.V. Desikachar

    Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings, by A.G. Mohan with Ganesh Mohan

    The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body, by Les Fehmi and Jim Robbins

    Relax and Renew: Restful Yoga for Stressful Times, by Judith Lasater, Ph.D., P.T.

    The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process: Transcend Your Toughest Times, by David Bercelli

    Strengths Finder 2.0, by Tom Rath

    A Symphony in the Brain, by Jim Robbins

    The Web That Has No Weaver, by Ted J. Kaptchuk

    What Really Matters: Searching for Wisdom in America, by Tony Schwartz

    Yoga Sutras, translated by Kofi Busia (PDF file)

    2011 Reading List

    The 4-Hour Body, by Timothy Ferriss

    Access Your Brain’s Joy Center: The Free Soul Method, by Pete A. Sanders Jr.

    The Alphabet Versus the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image, by Leonard Shlain

    Beliefs: Pathways to Health & Well-Being, by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Suzi Smith

    Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, by Malcolm Gladwell

    Chants of a Lifetime: Searching for a Heart of Gold, by Krishna Das

    The Complete Book of Vinyasa Yoga: The Authoritative Presentation Based on 30 Years of Direct Study Under the Legendary Yoga Teacher Krishnamacharya, by Srivatsa Ramaswami

    Effortless Wellbeing: The Missing Ingredients for Authentic Wellness, by Evan Finer

    Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

    Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker J. Palmer

    Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

    Nourishing Destiny: The Inner Tradition of Chinese Medicine, by Lonny S. Jarrett

    Transforming #1, by Ron Smothermon, M.D.

    Waking Up to What You Do: A Zen Practice for Meeting Every Situation with Intelligence and Compassion, by Diane Eshin Rizzo

    Yoga Body: Origins of Modern Posture Yoga, by Mark Singleton

    Influential books from my past

    The complete works of Carlos Castaneda, starting with The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

    Dune, by Frank Herbert

    Emptiness Dancing, by Adyashanti

    The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram: Nine Faces of the Soul, by Sandra Maitri

    Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein

    My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, by Jill Bolte Taylor

    Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences, by Peter A. Levine

    The Healing Triad: Your Liver…Your Lifeline, by Jack Tips

    Reference books

    Light on Yoga, by B.K.S. Iyengar

    Poems New and Collected, by Wislawa Szymborska

    The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy, by Cyndi Dale

    Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health, by B.K.S. Iyengar

    The evolution of the word “wellness”

    Back in April, the New York Times Magazine published an article in the series On Language on the word wellness.

    Since that is what I’m going for here with this blog, I thought I’d summarize and share.

    In 1979, wellness was not a word you’d hear every day. Today it is. My former workplace had a wellness committee and a wellness room.

    Wellness is considered an antonym (opposite) to the word “illness,” and it’s been traced back to the 1650s, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

    Wellness is a relatively new way, in the western world view, of looking at health.

    The wellness movement really began after World War II. The preamble to the World Health Organization’s 1948 constitution states:

    Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

    The author, Howard Dunn, went on to develop his ideas and publish a book, High-Level Wellness, in 1961. He defined high-level wellness as:

    an integrated method of functioning, which is oriented toward maximizing the potential of which the individual is capable

    The book languished, ahead of its time. In 1972, a medical student picked up the book at a clearance sale and found its ideas inspiring. In 1975, he opened the Wellness Resource Center in Mill Valley, CA. He was constantly having to spell the word over the phone, it was so uncommon! Prevention magazine spread the word about the center, and eventually 60 Minutes did a segment on the center. The Times says:

    The center promoted self-directed approaches to well-being as an alternative to the traditional illness-oriented care of physicians.

    Then someone started a national conference on wellness, and it became both an academic topic and prestigious. The Berkeley Wellness Letter dissociated wellness from the perception of flaky hedonism in neighboring Marin County, and with a million subscribers, the word gained credibility.

    Some people still ridiculed the word until the 1990s, when it became an everyday word.

    I like this word a lot. (I also like well-being.) As a baby boomer, it’s exciting to be part of this paradigm change, from a focus on illness to a focus on wellness. We are lucky these days to live in a society that offers both kinds of medicine.

    It does still seem that the traditional western paradigm still has a huge hold on the public’s imagination about health care. Otherwise (in my opinion), wellness practices would be taught in homes and schools from an early age — practices like eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep and exercise, and general awareness to be able to address problems as they emerge.

    Add in occasional massage, monthly acupuncture, yoga, and meditation, and we’d have a healthy society. We would of course keep western medicine for when there were no alternatives!

    What would that be like?