10 years later, looking back at a psychic reading

I’ve been reviewing some old posts on this blog and came across one I published in March 2012, over 10 years ago, that really got my attention.

I posted about a psychic reading I got from Joe Nicols, whom many consider the best psychic in Austin.

Reposting a shortened version below:

Today Joe Nicols, a long-time, well-known Austin palmist/psychic, read my hands in a 10-minute reading. I found what he had to say interesting and am considering going back to him for a full reading. [Note: I haven’t done that yet.]

He told me I’d been blind in a previous life, and that I’m very careful who I listen to. He said he was flattered that I was listening to him.

Joe told me that I’d been a healer for many, many lifetimes, doing healing of various types — as a doctor, midwife, and more.

He said I came into this lifetime ready to make a mark but that factors in my early life dampened that.

True.

He said I have the mark of an athlete in my hands. That was surprising, but yep, if you consider yoga and dance athletic.

He also said that I could have done many things in this lifetime. He said I could have been an engineer, for instance. [I don’t see it. At all. It doesn’t interest me — and I’m glad others find it worthwhile. But humanitarian, anthropologist, researcher, editor, teacher, trainer, coach, medical and alternative medical, scientist, artist, counselor, advisor, yes.]

Joe also said I’d been a writer in many, many lifetimes, and that I was once a man who wrote with a quill pen! [I wonder what his name was and if I could read something “I” wrote. Whoa!]

You could say that by blogging about wellness and practicing massage, I’m continuing two karmic traditions. Joe did not know until later that that’s what I do.

Joe told me that I’m not materialistic and can’t be bought. Yep, I know that’s true. Money matters, but ethics matter more.

Joe also spoke to me about having an aversion to being trapped, because I wear no jewelry on my hands. (I said, “But I’m a massage therapist. I don’t wear rings or bracelets when I’m working, so it’s easier not to wear them at all.” He replied that my conscious mind may understand it that way, but it’s deeper than that.)

Go figure.

Yes, of course I have an aversion to being trapped! Who the heck wants to be trapped?

I asked him what was wrong with that, and he made it sound like it was necessary to allow oneself to be trapped to be in a relationship.

Hmm. I still don’t like it. Surely there’s got to be a happy place of being in a relationship and not feeling trapped. I just don’t want to give up my autonomy. I believe I can have both autonomy and intimacy in a committed relationship. It will just take the right person with a similar outlook.


What’s crazy about this reading, from over 10 years ago, is this: I really don’t know about past lives and reincarnation. It’s a concept that’s huge in Hinduism and Buddhism, but not in Western culture.

And although I am drawn to the spirituality in Hinduism and Buddhism, I am a Westerner. I have no clear memories of any of my past lives and haven’t spent much time thinking about it.

That’s not to say it’s impossible.

I once had a spontaneous visualization that my young husband, Roger, who died a few years ago many years after we divorced, and I had danced together at a formal ball, and he was in a military uniform.

Since no one has formal balls with dancing in modern times, it must have been from a time when they were popular.

Was that my imagination, romanticizing our relationship?

I don’t know.

What seems more realistic to me is that talk about past lives is more related to traits in the current life.

Genetically, I have a slightly increased risk of macular degeneration. So does my daughter.

My mother’s father’s mother, Emily Ann Moore Frazier, became blind in her old age, and my mother read Shakespeare and the Bible aloud to her grandmother when she was a child — and later majored in English at UT/Austin.

Emily Ann probably had macular degeneration.

I am very careful who I listen to. Insight and integrity count for a lot.

I am very drawn to healing. Maybe I really was a healer for many, many lifetimes. I just don’t remember.

The interesting thing is that when I was in massage school the year before I got this reading, I was starting to study anatomy for the first time and feeling a bit intimidated.

I told myself that I’d been a doctor in previous lives and that I knew anatomy so well that this new learning was really just review.

That mindset worked! I had no issue with learning anatomy and indeed reveled in the Latin names, such as trapezius, levator scapula, and vomer. I’d taken Latin in high school. It helped.

I am now an anatomy geek.

Healing is what I do now and plan to do for the rest of my life, as long as circumstances permit. It feels like one of the highest purposes a human can aspire to, and I feel humble, privileged, and always open to learning more so I can continue to do it and be of service to relieve suffering in this world.

So what about coming into this lifetime to make a mark but factors in my early life dampened that?

When I was 11, my 6-year-old sister was suddenly raped and murdered by a teenage neighbor boy. That is the kind of traumatic tragedy that a person doesn’t just get over. I had PTSD before PTSD was even recognized. I didn’t feel safe in this world where people went around raping and murdering little girls — fact, as far as I knew!

I’m little. I wanted to hide. I didn’t feel safe.

It really thwarted my development. I did go to therapy, but the therapists weren’t skilled enough to help me. And in fairness, I could not have told anyone “what was wrong”. I didn’t know either. I was a child and had no perspective. My parents were grief-stricken and not available enough to notice my suffering through their own, and even if they had, the right kind of help simply hadn’t been developed yet.

I am so grateful for Peter Levine.

I finally found a good therapist in 2002 and spent two years focused on processing my trauma and really, recalibrating my identity. I didn’t know who I was. I have a lot of good clues now.

I don’t know that the trauma processing is complete, but I’m doing a whole lot better now. It’s sort of a background issue that only occasionally comes into consciousness.

And yes, I still want to make a mark in this lifetime, as a writer, teacher, and healer. I have a lot of resources to manifest that now.

About being an athlete: I’m not competitive, but I have worked long and hard on my alignment issues and recovery from injuries to have flexibility, strength, and full range of motion and to be able to express myself through dance.

Music and dance are happy places for me. I am embodied.

Another hand reader, Bonnie at the Taos Farmers Market, saw something in my hand that indicated a great sense of rhythm: sports, riding horses, music, or drumming? Nope, it’s dance.

About being a writer…writing comes easily to me. I was an avid reader when young and absorbed much about the written word.

My mother was a teacher with an English degree who made me look words up in the dictionary. My father was a minister who later got a doctorate in linguistics. So…very language- and literacy-oriented family.

I didn’t have any problems writing essays and book reports in school. It came naturally. I worked at a daily newspaper in my 20s and wrote an article that won a statewide award — and I wasn’t even on the editorial staff — I was a graphic artist.

I’ve been journaling for decades.

Writing was something that came so easily to me that I didn’t realize a lot of people couldn’t do it very well.

Not materialistic? Yep. I live in a vintage trailer with limited space, which forces me to pare down on my belongings. I like having just what I need, just essentials. I am happy to not have to keep up with a lot of stuff. I have better things to do with my time.

Everything he said about relationship and fear of being trapped… I’m a high-autonomy person. I do understand that there are issues to work out in close relationships, and that’s worthwhile if the relationship is good enough!

I stick it out unless there are issues make the relationship unsustainable.

I just don’t want to feel stuck or trapped.

I still believe it’s possible to have a relationship that’s both intimate and high in autonomy for both people. Having a purpose and respecting and supporting each other’s purpose can make it work.

2018 blog stats

Every year since 2010, I’ve written a post summarizing the year on this blog. Here are the highlights for 2018.

My posts from years past about healing my injured sacroiliac joints have gotten a lot of comments in 2018 from people who are also suffering, and that has brought the most gratification this year, to know that documenting my healing journey offers hope to others.

To summarize that journey, I saw many practitioners in various bodywork modalities for a couple of decades before finding one who truly understood what it would take to heal the injury. I followed her advice, and it worked. My final post, Sacroiliac joint healed!, published in 2017, includes links to all my previous posts on the topic.

In 2018, I had 94,239 visitors and 127,235 views. This is down a bit from 2017, even though I wrote more posts in 2018. I’m attributing the downturn in visitors and views to social media burnout.

Social media has been a fun new toy — and more people are seeking balance in their lives. I’m actually fine with it, as I’m seeking balance too. Writing fewer posts but having them be more germane to how we can live better lives works for me. Plus, I’m a bodyworker and wellness advocate by trade. Less text neck, eye strain, forward head posture, and sitting are better for your health. I want you to be healthy!

I wrote 32 blog posts in 2018, totaling 16,319 words, averaging 510 words per post, a bit shorter than I typically have written.

Of the posts I wrote this year, these have gotten the most views (listed newest to oldest):

The most-read post in 2018 was one first posted back in January 2014, How to drink water with lemon and preserve your tooth enamel. It’s gotten the most comments of any post I’ve ever written. Believe it or not, almost 5 years after it was first published, 40,960 people read that post in 2018. I hope they/you are preserving their/your tooth enamel!

At the end of 2018, I have 292 followers on WordPress, 92 on email, and 605 on social media. Thank you!

The most popular day and hour for reading my blog is Sunday at 2 pm.

And now (drum roll), where are readers from? Well, it looks like this:

  • all of North America except Greenland
  • all of South America except for one tiny country north of Brazil (French Guiana)
  • all of Europe except Svalbard islands
  • all of Asia except Iran, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan
  • most of Africa except Western Sahara, Guinea-Bissau, Mali, Chad, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Democratic Republic of the Congo, and Somalia
  • I imagine there are some tiny island nations that don’t appear on the map with no readers

As always, it astounds me how connected the world is now because of the internet.

One of my intentions for 2019 is to improve my writing. I’d like to write a monthly post but have each be more interesting, compelling, and shareable.

Thank you so much for reading!

Tarot reading for 2014

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2014 Celtic CrossAt first glance, I am struck by how many cards in this reading from the Osho Zen Tarot deck are from the suit of Rainbows, which corresponds to Pentacles or Disks in the traditional decks. Even though rainbows are made of water and air, here they represent earth, the practical, material side of life. Continue reading

Being a Five, reading, writing, and what works

Part of my journey as a Five on the Enneagram has had to do with my attitude about information.

As a child, I took to reading like a duck to water. I soon became an indiscriminate reader. Comic books, school books, the classics, storybooks and novels, poems, my parents’ books/magazines/newspapers (they were avid readers too), cereal boxes, food labels, trashy magazines, entire menus, every sign that I encountered, billboards, and so on.

My eyes and my mind were very attracted to the written word. (I wear contact lenses now, but my glasses were as thick as Coke bottles.)

I behaved as if I believed that if I read everything I possibly could, at some point I would understand everything. Life, the universe, my purpose, the answers.

This was an unconscious belief, as so many are.

The irony is that I missed out on some important aspects of living because I had my nose in a book!

On the plus side, I was a very good student in school and have gotten many jobs because I could read and write well. (Being an avid reader is the basis for being a good writer, in my opinion.)

I’ve become more discriminating with age, I’m happy to report. I don’t read everything any more. Whew. That wasn’t a very good strategy, was it?

In fact, these days if I start reading a book and if it is not compelling from the start, I put it aside. Maybe I’ll finish it later, maybe not.

Of course, much reading is simply required — road signs, food labels, homework, text messages, deposit slips.

I’ve become more conscious about why I read. Now it’s more of a choice about what information or inspiration will broaden or deepen my journey. 

The reading I most treasure these days is finding new and useful information, information that makes a difference in people’s quality of life. I guess you could call this kind of information insight or wisdom. 

That kind of reading and discerning gives direction to this blog.

I love discovering what works, and I love to share what I find. When I think of what “the truth” means to me, it’s useful information that works or that serves quality of life. Like how to prevent insomnia or a particularly useful way of phrasing an idea, for example.

I’ve also become more attracted to the questions. More on that to come.

Heck, maybe this is one of those things that you know about me already. If so, please rejoice that I’m becoming more conscious.