Category Archives: compassion

Hot buttons, EFT, and self-compassion

Posted on by
Reply

Ever get a whiff of your own craziness, the things you do or say that are less than kind? I did today. I caught it myself — I see myself writing that like I caught some kind of fish. Yeah, a stinky fish.

In an attempt to be thoughtful, I actually was thoughtless. When I perceived that, I felt so remorseful my heart ached.

Then I found this quote from Tricycle Daily Dharma in my inbox. I’d saved it for several weeks, not knowing why.

We all have personal sensitivities—“hot buttons”—that are evoked in close relationships. Mindfulness practice helps us to identify them and disengage from our habitual reactions, so that we can reconnect with our partners. We can mindfully address recurring problems with a simple four-step technique: (1) Feel the emotional pain of disconnection, (2) Accept that the pain is a natural and healthy sign of disconnection, and the need to make a change, (3) Compassionately explore the personal issues or beliefs being evoked within yourself, (4) Trust that a skillful response will arise at the right moment. – Christopher Germer, “Getting Along”

I want to add step 2.5 to the above. If you are feeling the pain, and you know there’s a need to make a change but the feeling is so sticky, you can’t detach enough to explore your issues, you can do the Emotional Freedom Technique (several times if needed) to reduce the pain enough to get to step 3. It helps us feeling types move on.

In step 3, I discovered that I projected something onto another that was really about me. I’m looking at a big owie in my life head on.

I’m not to step 4 yet but it feels good to just know it’s there waiting, whatever the outcome. All I can do is trust.

Dalai Lama quote: “Kindness is society”

Posted on by
Reply

Just encountered this quote by Jeffrey Hopkins, professor of Tibetan Studies at the University of Virginia and interpreter for the Dalai Lama for 10 years:

During a lecture while I was interpreting for the Dalai Lama, he said in what seemed to me to be broken English, “Kindness is society.” I wasn’t smart enough to think he was saying kindness is society. I thought he meant kindness is important to society; kindness is vital to society; but he was saying that kindness is so important that we cannot have society without it. Society is impossible without it. Thus, kindness IS society; society IS kindness. Without concern for other people it’s impossible to have society.

Do something kind for another person today.

The Yoga of Protest. | elephant journal

Posted on by
Reply

The Yoga of Protest. | elephant journal.

Here’s a yogic take on the Occupy Wall Street movement. Excerpt:

In the midst of all this muddle, a yogic concept called ananda popped into my head. Ananda is Sanskrit; it is one of the highest purposes of Anusara Yoga, and can be translated as deep joy, deep expressiveness, or bliss. It can also be understood as “loving acceptance of what is.”

It hurts to think about practicing this idea in relation to what the Occupy Wall Street protesters are pointing at. It hurts to think about lovingly accepting the deep dysfunction and suffering that is occurring in this world. If I imagine doing that, my heart feels like it might stretch and break. Yet it is what the mystics call for us to do, to love what is hurting us, to empathize with our torturers. Not blindly, naively or passively, but powerfully, radiantly and compassionately.

All of us, 99% and 1%, need to be loved. We need to be seen in our wholeness. Our suffering, yes, our greatness.

A changework and bodywork session

Posted on by
Reply

One evening this past week, I received a special honor. I got to do changework and bodywork with someone who has done changework and bodywork with me. I’m not going to provide any identifying information out of respect for her privacy. Think of this as a case study: it really happened, but you will never be able to tell whose experience it was, and in any case, it doesn’t really matter.

I’m writing this session up to illustrate what I am offering in my private practice: changework combined with bodywork.

Most everyone is at least familiar with what bodywork and massage are. Changework is less known. You can think of it as a kind of coaching, with applications for managing stress, becoming more relaxed, changing your stories, shelving beliefs that no longer apply, clarifying, removing obstacles, getting unstuck, achieving goals, knowing yourself, expanding, transforming emotions, and more.

I have some training and experience I can draw on, but mostly I listen to understand and offer support for a client to explore and find movement toward resolution. Sometimes just being really listened to makes a huge difference. Sometimes a client just needs another point of view. Sometimes a question or two can open up a whole new direction. Sometimes a technique can help.

When a positive shift has occurred, we move into the bodywork part of a session — to literally embody the change.

My client had overdone it with some physical activity and then made a ducking, twisting movement — and her back started spasming. After several days, the spasms were entirely gone and she went back to work…and they returned. She understood then that the spasms were probably tied to something else.

She had already done significant work on this before we met. She examined what had been happening emotionally before the injury occurred — especially in regard to work, because the spasms resumed when she went back to work.

She had been feeling irritated about some of her clients not taking care of themselves despite all she had put into their sessions. (This experience is pretty universal among health care providers.) She was just being with this awareness, not knowing what she was going to do about it, when she overdid it and started having back spasms. She put resolving this issue on hold.

Once she identified the unresolved issue, bringing it into the light, she made some changes in her work, and a deeper level of healing began.

She was still feeling like more exploration was needed when she came to me.

I asked how I could help, and she said maybe we could do a little tapping — EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique. I shared with her a version I like, and she tapped away as we talked.

With EFT, you identify what you are feeling. Behind the irritability, she recognized that she felt sad about not being able to help.

I asked if she could really know that she wasn’t helping these clients, and she said no.

Sometimes people have to step in the hole again (or a thousand times; see Groundhog Day, one of my favorite movies) before they walk around it.

When someone finally makes a decision (or the decision makes itself) to walk around the hole, changing has become more attractive than not changing. Her clients’ experiences of her own healthy vibrancy, her work, and her commitment to well-being are of course part of the force-field that makes changing to healthier habits more attractive. It just might take them awhile to really be ready, though.

On her own, she came up with an inspiring course to take — if some of her clients are choosing the shadow over the light, and she’s resisting them doing that, then maybe now is a great time for her to examine her own shadow side.

Brilliant. Perfect for the season, too, as the nights get longer.

Then she got on the table, and I gave her a deep massage, which she had not previously experienced. She loved 9 points (TLC people, if you’re reading this, you’ll know what I mean). I reached some back muscle tenderness and melted into it.

She blissed out on the table, and I finished working on her, and we talked a little more, and she slipped away into the night — until we meet again.

My visit to Occupy Austin, part 1: people

Posted on by
1

I spent a couple of hours at Austin City Hall with Occupy Austin earlier today. I’ve supported Occupy Wall Street/Occupy Together from the start — it’s been pretty amazing to see this grassroots movement start and grow. I donated a little money and have kept up via Facebook and Twitter. Today I decided to visit in person and write about it.

I walked around, talked to people, and took photos. If you haven’t been there, here’s my report, and I hope it is reassuring to you about this movement.

When I first walked up, I saw a young man on his hands and knees on the mulch around a tree at City Hall. His name is Brighton, and he was picking up cigarette butts and putting them into a plastic soda bottle. He’s been part of Occupy Austin since Day 1.

Brighton

Occupy Austin is a home-grown encampment, and the occupiers make it work. One of their efforts is aimed towards keeping it clean. Brighton took this task on himself. I’m sure some of the butts were there long before Occupy Austin, so he’s doing the city (and us) a favor by cleaning it up.

He’s 20. He worked at a pizza company for a couple of years. He made minimum wage. There was no hope for a raise or advancement because of the economy, and he had no hope of continuing his education or getting other training. That’s why he’s part of OA. He’d like to see some change.

Brighton told me that some of the homeless people in Austin now go to City Hall to eat and sleep along with the occupiers, because food and shelter exist there. Occupy Austin has received a lot of donations of food, other goods, and financial support. He said the homeless don’t take part in the decision-making. It’s not that they weren’t asked — they mostly choose to leave and hang out elsewhere except for meals and sleeping. The OA people are a peaceful self-governing community, and they recognize that the homeless are part of the 99% like them, and so they include them.

William

I encountered William, who had taken on the job of handing out literature. He gave me some flyers and handouts containing the following kinds of information:

          • Occupy Austin mission statement (solidarity with Occupy Wall Street, nonviolently reclaiming control of governments from the financial interests that have corrupted them, the people are the supreme authority)
          • Occupy Wall Street mission statement (leaderless resistance movement of the 99% not tolerating greed and corruption of the 1%, commitment to nonviolence)
          • Occupy Austin goals and demands (true democracy, economic security, corporate responsibility, and tax reform)
  • Occupy Austin core values (resisting corruption, not becoming a political institution, nonviolence/civil disobedience if needed, and solidarity with the national movement).
  • Occupyradioaustin is the first 24/7 online radio broadcast of the Occupy movement. Anyone can record his or her occupy or 99% story for broadcast through their website. On Twitter, it’s #occupyradioatx.
  • To donate supplies, go to 5011 E. Cesar Chavez.
  • Follow Occupy Austin on Twitter at #OccupyAustin.
  • Friend Occupy Austin  on Facebook.

Click the links to read more, if you like, about Occupy Austin and Occupy Wall Street.

Josie

The next person I conversed with was Josie, who was sitting at the Information Desk. She is not a camper but a volunteer who comes in and works for the movement.

She seemed to me to be a very friendly, articulate, capable young woman. The information table had some of the same flyers that William gave me and more. It was a place anyone could go with questions.

Also, she was interested in why I was there, and she gave me a hug!

I talked to Larry Singleton, who was carrying a flag. Larry is a veteran, and he is homeless. He has a dream of getting funding for a new facility to serve the homeless. He says that God put him there at Occupy Austin, that he is dying (I think he said of emphysema), and that he is doing this so he can die knowing he made a difference.

Larry

Larry’s sign says “WE WON by faith.” I asked him what that was about. He said, “We won last night.”

I thought he was talking about the World Series game last night.

My mistake! He said that Occupy Austin won last night. I’m not sure I understood exactly why, but it may be related to an Occupy Austin march held in solidarity with the Occupy Oakland and Occupy Atlanta groups who have encountered some pretty awful police brutality.

Larry is profiled on an awesome blog that he steered me to. Check out the post for Occupy Austin Day 9.

Joseph

Joseph Ryder has been on the plaza for eight days and five nights. Joseph said he was there because of his anger about the bailout of the big banks, who use their money to buy politicians so they can do whatever they want. (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist.)

Joseph was a friendly guy. I left to eat and came back later, and he remembered me and kidded, “You still around?”

It was Joseph who told me that Black Swan Yoga has been offering regular yoga classes on the plaza. That rocks.

Ken and Jonathan

I talked to a couple of guys sitting on one of the low rock walls that are so user-friendly at City Hall. Ken and Jonathan, an older man and a younger man, were having one of those free-ranging conversations that I couldn’t help but overhear as I sat nearby checking my iPhone. (I could swear that I saw a call from Nelson Guda come in for just a second, then lost it. That would be weird and cool, since he’s in Rwanda photographing mixed marriages between Hutus and Tutsis for his Enemies project, and we do more Facebook communication, not phone, usually.)

Ken remembers a lot of history about freedom movements in the U.S. He described himself as an old hippie. Jonathan had come down to the plaza for the first time today, like me. Their conversation was lively, and it was lovely to overhear two generations meeting like this.

Diedrich

Diedrich Holgate is an affable fun guy who seems to be enjoying being part of this movement immensely. Diedrich said his dad is a local defense attorney. Diedrich and his dad do not see eye-to-eye about this.

Apparently Diedrich has had some run-ins with authority figures (something like that, didn’t get the details), but he came across to me as basically trustworthy. He made his own sign, which says:

Today’s mighty oak tree was yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

Somehow I feel that that is a statement about Diedrich’s own future. I see him becoming a mighty oak of a man. This Occupy experience will be talked about in decades to come.

Bathroom guard

Diedrich showed me where the bathroom was (not a porta-potty but a regular bathroom in the City Hall building accessible from the plaza). He said there had been problems with people tagging it, writing graffiti in there. A young woman occupier took it on herself to sit near the bathroom and monitor it (with warning signs that that was happening) after each person visited it so that if anyone left it less than clean or tagged, that person would be held accountable. The self-monitoring encampment polices itself.

I apologize, but I forgot to write down her name (it might have been Lisa), but here’s her photo.

Speaking of the police, there was an APD car parked next to the encampment. The police officer stayed inside the car while I was there. Several of the protesters told me that one of their goals was to not need police intervention — to solve problems themselves. I thought they were doing a good job of that. They said there had been a learning curve.

Brandon

The next-to-the-last person I talked to was Brandon, who was sitting at a table with six or seven others in Austin Java at City Hall., where I went when I needed a break

All of them had laptops. My kind of people! I sometimes go nerding with friends, but usually it’s just one or two of us, and we have Macs. This group was mostly young and male, some of the awesome hardcore geeks who have been like rock stars to the programmers at some of the places I’ve worked as a technical writer. There was a lot of computing power around that table, and I’m not talking about the equipment.

I couldn’t help but be curious about whether they were just a random group of geeks meeting at Austin Java or whether they were associated with Occupy Austin. It turned out to be the latter. They are one of several geek squads working with Occupy Austin. Brandon was working on Occupy Apps, working on an application that would allow people to stay networked if the system went down when too many people got on. I’m sure there’s some other pretty cool stuff being worked on there, and that their work benefits all the Occupy movements around the country and the world. We live in a geeky town, and I’m glad they’re participating and using their skills to create better democracies.

Eric

The last person I talked to was Eric Towler, a friend whom I first met at Appamada Zen Center last year, where we were both attendees of Sunday services. Eric has posted on the Appamada list about Occupy Austin before, so I wasn’t surprised at all to see him there. He’s been there several times and is contemplating doing some teaching about Zen in this community.

It was just lovely to bump into him and experience his peaceful, compassionate vitality and his interest in connecting Zen with real people and real problems.

The whole time I was there, people ebbed and flowed. I ran into Grace, whom I used to do yoga with. She had brought her neighbors there for the first time. Some people just came and held up signs along Cesar Chavez. There was a tent full of signs, and anyone could get a sign and stand on the street. Lots of cars honked and people gave the peace sign and yelled messages of support to the protesters.

Having fun

There was even some humor amid the earnestness. First three young men in tuxedos or tails, later joined by a young woman in an evening gown and the most awesome heels, stood along Cesar Chavez with signs that said “Free Bernie Madoff,” “We Are the 1%,” “What’s Best for Corporations is Best for Me!” and “Get a Job.”

They weren’t part of the regular Occupy Austin crowd, and some of the regulars were a bit suspicious of them, thinking they might be counter-protesters, but mostly they left them alone.

Halloween fun

I talked to them. They were just having some Halloween fun in the spirit of Abbie Hoffman and the Merry Pranksters. They recognized those names, which was heartening to me that the tradition of spicing social activism with some humor has not been lost.

These were probably their Halloween costumes.

Being blessed

Posted on by
1

I feel a little guilty for not posting much recently. All is well! I am loving my life in so many ways, let me begin to count them.

I love being a massage therapy student, learning, practicing, integrating. I’m friends with several massage therapists and bodyworkers. It is so cool to hang out and talk shop with them now!

It’s wonderful to work on my friends, too. Even when I’m massaging them along with a video, I thank them for their patience, because every time I practice, I integrate more. My hands are becoming antennas!

Today it occurred to me that my trailer is like a really fun playhouse for a grownup. I didn’t have a playhouse when I was a little girl, and I’m enjoying the heck out of living in this trailer. My visitors yesterday, Katie and her dad, Don, noticed that it is just my size, and it does feel spacious enough to me at 5′ 1″ tall. Living here makes me smile. 

I’m still working on window covering decisions/installation and the sliding glass door/front deck entrance. I’m also testing 5 kinds of weatherstripping before settling on the best and longest-lasting. That’ll be a weekend chore to get done before the first cold front.

I was looking online today at chimeneas, imagining how awesome will it be, when it gets cold, to sit in my living room and watch a fire burning in a chimenea on my deck without the mess of having firewood, ash, or smoke inside. Looking forward to that fire trance…

The kale, chard, and collards I planted in September have grown large enough to start eating. The two inches of rain in Austin a couple of weekends ago was awesome. Plants love rainwater so much more than tap water.

There’s a mockingbird who lives near me who sings his heart out every day. I’m training my cat Mango to be an inside cat because he doesn’t behave well sometimes when I let him out. The monarchs are passing through.

I spent time last week updating my resume and making sure the same version appears on STCaustin.com, monster.com, LinkedIn, and so on. In other words, I got serious about sending a clear, consistent message out. The next morning, I got a call from a recruiter about a part-time technical writing job (very rare) at a really good company. I interviewed first (first or last are the best slots). By no means do I have the job, but it’s incredibly heartening to put my intent out there and get such a positive result so promptly. This has happened before. It’s almost scary.

I danced this morning at Ecstatic Dance of Austin. After several years of being away from dance, earlier this year I discovered this new group, whose energy feels clean, spacious, and not overshadowed by personalities competing for dominance. I feel that the bodywork, energy work, and awareness work I’ve been doing really shows up when I dance for over an hour with presence, pleasure, and skill.

My friend and fellow dancer Lakshmi Jackman says:

There is a shortcut to ecstasy. It’s called dancing.

Amen, sister!

I am feeling so grateful, lucky, and blessed to be connecting with some awesome people. New friends, old friends, family. People are showing me their awesomeness all the time now. Stunning, amazing awesomeness!

Is it because I’m in school learning how to do work I love?

Is it because the world is my mirror, and my happiness is being reflected back to me?

Is it because I’m finally getting the hang of managing my own life with skill?

Have I become more powerful than I believe I am?

I don’t know, but I am definitely feeling in love with my life.

Dare I wish for a couple of private yoga students? I love teaching, especially beginners, and miss it.

So that’s the news from Lake … hmm. Lake Well-Being. Thanks for reading. Blessings to you too.

Lovely sweet rain, a morning meditation, and MONEY!

Posted on by
1

I am adoring my experience of a lengthy, soaking RAIN here in drought-stricken Austin, Texas — off and on yesterday, seemingly all night, and most of this Sunday morning. I’m guessing maybe two inches of precious rain has fallen. Feels like such a blessing.

We (people, air, plants, wildlife, soil, streams, lakes, roads) need this so badly. There are cracks an inch wide in the soil under my trailer and under the dead grass. The only green grass around is under trees that got watered in an effort to keep them alive, and around the new trees I planted starting in late August. They’re drinking it up.

I love being inside my trailer in the rain. The sound of rain on the roof is divine.

And it’s Sunday. Sleeping in (well, to 8 am) to the sound of rain feels wonderfully precious. I’m undecided whether to go out to ecstatic dance, the farmer’s market, the Austin Yoga Festival, or to stay blissfully inside on this wet fall day — I have reading to catch up on, videos to watch, a cat to play with, food to cook, or maybe I’ll mix it up spontaneously.

~~

I just did a 35-minute meditation session. When my attention was focused, it went to body awareness and to hearing. My body awareness has deepened since I started massage school in June, of course. Understanding my hands as antennas, feeling layers of tissues down to the bone, and experiencing others touching me with various levels of connection, compassion, and presence have been quite an education.

Hearing while on the cushion a mockingbird and other birds, rain noises, traffic on wet pavement, my cat rustling in a cabinet, I notice I’m accustomed to picking out single sounds. It’s a nice stretch to take it all in, and like a symphony, to go back and forth between individual sounds and the whole cacophony, like zooming in and out with a camera, only with my sense of hearing. That reminds me, I’m leading my adventurous Fourth Way book group through the 12 states of attention on Tuesday.

~~

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to be able to attend a workshop, Metaphors of Money, taught by Charles Faulkner, an NLP trainer, trader, writer, and researcher. Given that metaphors, conscious and unconscious, underlie our experience (the map is not the territory; a map is a metaphor for metaphors), we examined our metaphors around money.

I personify money. I like it, and I want it to like me. I know money likes me when people write checks out to me and give/mail them to me or hand me cash! Also, when I look at my bank balance and it feels good, I know money likes me. When it doesn’t feel good, I feel pressed, and I take steps to bring more in.

I noticed that as the workshop progressed, every time I heard the word “money,” its visual representation in my mind (cash, dollar sign, checks, bank balance) looked brighter and more vivid. By the end, “money” was glowing with white light!

If this workshop is offered again, you can find out by subscribing to NLP Resources Austin‘s email list. (You don’t have to be trained in NLP to participate.) They have a lot of other cool stuff coming up too.

Suggestions to relieve insomnia and get to sleep

Posted on by
3

A couple of months ago, I blogged about some exciting new research about insomnia. It seems that when we lie awake at night, unable to fall asleep, it’s because our brains are overheating. They tend to generate more warmth during the day and cool down at night.

So something happens that moves us out of this biorhythm and into the minor hell of insomnia (or major, if it goes on long enough). When you would like to be sleeping, the monkey mind grabs onto thoughts and won’t let go — generating heat in the brain and preventing sleep.

The researcher experimented with a cooling cap. It seemed to me that there were alternatives that were much simpler and more accessible.

Disidentify with your thoughts

First of all, disidentifying with your thoughts is a useful skill anyone can learn with a little practice. Thinking is what the mind does. It serves a purpose. It is not inherently bad.

The question is whether thinking is appropriate when you want to be sleeping. There’s thinking, and then there’s mind-running-amok.

To disidentify with those thoughts, you simply choose to focus your attention on your breath, or on sounds, sensations, rhythms, your weight against the sheets and pillow, a chakra, your whole body, a state of wonder, an image — find something that works for you. (All this stuff is happening all the time. “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans,” right?)

Notice that your thoughts are often about something that’s neither here nor now — they’re in the past or future. Bring your attention into the present moment. What are you actually experiencing?

Your mind may interrupt, but as you continue to focus on your present experience, it will interrupt less and less often, and you will fall asleep.

Also, notice whether that thing your monkey mind won’t let go of is something you have any control over. If you can’t influence it, give it up. Trickster is having fun with you. Just plain let go and hand it over to God, the Universe, Spirit (GUS will take care of it). Now go to sleep.

If you can influence it, unless it’s truly life-or-death, sleep on it and see what option comes to mind when you wake in the morning. In other words, pose the question “How can I influence this for the good of all involved?” Let your unconscious mind work and play with the situation while your conscious mind takes the restful break of sleep. When you wake, notice what comes to mind.

You may want to do some journaling.

Drink some cool, clear water

Drink a glass, or half a glass if your bladder wakes you up early, of water that is between room temperature and cool. Ice isn’t necessary — some people believe that ice is too cooling and not good for the human digestive system’s operations. After all, the human race has done pretty well without iced drinks for millenia upon millenia.

Take a mouthful of cool water, close your mouth, hold it for a bit, and then swallow.

You can also put a cool compress of a wrung-out washcloth on your forehead. Do both!

And, while you’re doing these things, think about the cowboy song Cool, Clear Water while you do this! Let water represent the sleep you want to experience.

Here’s a video of the original by the Sons of the Pioneers. Maybe you have a favorite version.

Yawn and open your mouth when you lie down to sleep

Since it’s currently believed that the purpose of yawning is to cool the overheated brain, yawn several times when you are ready to go to sleep.

Also, you can open your mouth just wide enough to let air (cooler than your body, of course) circulate in your oral cavity and cool the adjacent brain. Try parting your teeth half a finger-width.

Continue to breathe through your nose, not your mouth, unless you have nasal congestion.

Use acupressure to reduce heat

I shared this with my bodyworker/acupuncturist Patrice Sullivan, who got excited and shared with me some of the pressure points that reduce heat, because in Chinese medicine’s understanding of health, the body can get out of balance and have too much heat — and of course this can affect the brain.

Press into pressure points with a fingertip or pencil eraser to stimulate them, unblock meridians, and release heat. Press briefly and see what happens. Then try pressing steadily for 30 second to 2 minutes.

The list below includes the poetic names of the points for fun. You may want to google each point to view a graphic with more precision about the location.

  • Gallbladder 42 and 43, Earth Fivefold Convergence and Clamped Stream, are on the foot between the fourth and fifth metatarsals.
  • Liver 2, Moving Between, is on the top of the foot between the first and second toes before the webbing starts.
  • Gallbladder 34, Yang Hill Spring, is outside the knee, in a depression just below the head of the fibula (smaller lower leg bone) toward the front.
  • Heart 7, Spirit Gate, is on the hand on the crease of the wrist closest to the hand, in line with the ring finger.
  • Large Intestine 11, Crooked Pond, is located at the end of the outer elbow crease.
  • Governing Vessel 20, Hundred Convergences, is at the crown of the head.

Report back so others may benefit

I’d love to be wrong about this, but in my opinion, Big Science is probably not going to fund research on simple, effective ways to relieve insomnia unless they can make money off it by selling you something they’ve patented. So it’s up to us to figure out what works and let others know.

Please feel free to try any or all of these methods to relieve insomnia and please report back on what worked and didn’t work for you in the comments for this post.

Thank you.

Equinox

Posted on by
2

Twice a year there’s a 24-hour period when the day and the night are of equal length. These are the equinoxes, spring and fall. Today is the fall equinox for 2011.

These two days are pauses in the changing of the seasons. You might as well put everything on hold, at least for a bit, and just breathe in some balance.

I like the idea of using these days to pause and rest from all the striving, trying, making progress (or not), moving toward goals, moving away from whatever. I can give today the direction of center.

If you’d like to play along, just pretend that you have arrived at your destination in this lifetime, and just now, at this moment, imagine that you have become the person you want to be.

Okay, now do it. Breathe in your arrival, settle into that, and exhale.

What does that feel like? Did it shift anything for you?

Tears came into my eyes when I first thought that thought earlier today. It literally gave me pause. So much striving, so much struggle. It’s been hard sometimes.

It’s so nice to give myself a break and just rest in exactly who and where I am in life.

I wish you a most restful equinox.

Perceptual flexibility, the large self, the small self, and feeding the wolf

Posted on by
Reply

If you are trying to understand a negative experience, step outside of yourself first. Visualize yourself as a person in a situation and ask, “Why did s/he feel that way?”

Chances are you will discover some new information about yourself, the other person, and/or the situation. Your point of view is larger.

This is a way to gain insight. I don’t know about you, but I find insight to be very valuable.

The less effective strategy is to remember the experience as if you are re-experiencing it, feeling the negative feelings again, and ask, “Why did I feel that way?”

Often your emotion can overwhelm the understanding. People often replay the tape of “he said x, and I felt y” over and over again.

Guess what that does for you?

I dare you to try this now! Think of a recent situation in which you felt an unpleasant emotion. Please pick something with a small to middling emotional effect and not something intensely painful.

For instance, if someone made a remark that you perceived as insensitive and you felt hurt, review the situation as if you are seeing it occur on film. You are one of the characters. See the other character make the remark and see your character reacting.

Now ask, “Why did that remark get to her so much?”

Then notice what happens.

You might need to do this several times to practice if this is new for you.

It’s pretty amazing how such a shift in point of view can make a big difference. Research has shown that people who self-distance from situations that result in unpleasant emotions feel less distressed later, ruminate about the experience less, and are less likely to be hostile when future disagreements arise.

It is amazing to me how many people live decades of their life immersed in either their own point of view, feeling everything intensely, or distancing from everything and not taking anything personally without knowing they can do both — and can choose which point of view to use when.

And…you can review past events and change your point of view. You can actually change your feelings about the past!

We all have a range of emotions. Like the Native American story says, which wolf do you choose to feed? The one with less suffering or more, your own included?

I call this skill perceptual flexibility. It’s worth practicing and cultivating, in my opinion.

By the way, this is elementary Neuro-Linguistic Programming. A scientific study confirmed what NLPers have long known works. I read about it on Steve Andreas’ NLP Blog in case you’d like to read my source.