Category Archives: meditation

I dreamed I was pregnant

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I dreamed that I was pregnant, and that I was preparing to go into labor with lots of support, even from people far away whom I didn’t know.

I am preparing to teach Biodynamic Meditation, and this is a good omen!

My Biodynamic Meditation this morning started with my posture, then breathing physiological sighs (sniff sniff ahhhh) until I yawned.

Radiance at my face. Then sensing the Tide ascending and descending my central energy channel.

Spacing out (heard the first mockingbird of the year singing outside — joy!).

Noticing the Tide had gotten swirly and was investigating various areas: abdomen, sacrum, throat without settling long anywhere.

I decided to pose a question to the healing energy: If you could find the most optimal place for healing in my system today, the place that’s most ready to heal, where would you go?

It settled in my spine in the mid-thoracic region and stayed there.

It was still there when my timer went off after 45 minutes, but it didn’t feel “done” so I waited 5 more minutes until it felt done.

Sometimes “done” is clearly done, and sometimes it’s “done for today”. I will find out which as the day progresses.

I have a slight reverse S curve in my spine, and this is a place where the vertebrae shift directions. I’ve been doing PT exercises for months to straighten my spine…

Yes, you can communicate with the healing energy. In my experience, it takes time to build energetic rapport with it, to develop trust and familiarity.

Even now, when I ask it a question, sometimes it doesn’t answer, and sometimes it consents…by simply doing.

It doesn’t speak English, but it understands intent.

It’s mysterious! So much more to learn! This communication comes after a lot of listening.

It might be Biodynamic Meditation 201 or 301. I’m focusing more on preparing to teach 101 now.

Musings on teaching Biodynamic Meditation

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Today is Day 93 of daily Biodynamic Meditations. In addition to posting daily about my experience, I am considering how to teach it.

There are so many ways: one-to-one, small groups, in person, online, in written and spoken formats, as a seated meditation, as a form of yoga nidra done in savasana.

Each person interested in learning this form of self-healing will come to it with different experiences and beliefs and issues.

Learning this includes paradigm shifts.

I believe the biggest one in our modern American culture is that healing takes place in a parasympathetic rest-and-digest state of being, NOT in a state of stress and anxiety, when resources are geared toward doing.

One big conundrum for healers who understand this is how to work with people who are anxious about their chronic health issues — where the perceived threat is coming from within.

Separating the anxiety-producing story from the actual sensations is a big deal. And it can be done! We can change our beliefs and our patterns toward deeper health and vitality.

These are just some of my musings that arose after my session this morning, in which the healing focus was swirliness, mostly in my pelvis.

I’m grateful to be able to access the energies of earth and heaven, gravity and levity.

If you are a teacher and have anything useful to add, please comment, or message me. Thank you.

Making a new practice teachable

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Coherence. Resilience. The unified field.

Today I’m going to a silent retreat for women where I will work in silence on writing an outline for teaching Biodynamic Meditation.

This will be the first writing, outside a few random notes, that I’ve done on Biodynamic Meditation outside of these daily posts about my personal experience.

I’ve learned a lot over the past 92 days of this project, and of course I’ve been in training in Craniosacral Biodynamics off and on since 2013 and practicing since then as well.

Change your bias toward what’s going wrong, toward what’s going right.

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What’s going right in your body-mind system?

Many of us, myself included, have a bias toward noticing what’s wrong, what hurts, is tense, stiff, sluggish, numb, dysfunctional.

We may even make up stories about what’s wrong, feeling ourselves deficient, flawed, less than, unworthy.

I’m motivated to get over that!

You know, if you’re not on life support in a hospital, there’s a lot that’s going right.

A LOT.

You’re breathing.

Your heart is beating.

You’re viewing this post and reading these words.

You very likely are hearing sounds, if you direct your attention there.

The many sensations of body awareness…

Your weight pressing down into whatever you’re sitting or standing or leaning on.

The sense of where you are in space, how your body is arranged, your posture.

Warmth or coolness.

Balance.

Emotions.

Your many systems that keep you organized and alive: cardiovascular, pulmonary, nervous, lymphatic, digestive, immune, etc.

Also, your mind. Your memories and imaginations, beliefs, motivations, identity, skills, preferences and avoidances, etc.

Underlying all is your life force. Yogis call it prana. Daoists call it qi (chi, ki).

I feel it when I do Biodynamic Meditation, doing yoga or qi gong, walking in nature, having a great conversation with someone, hugging a friend, practicing Craniosacral Biodynamics, and just at random times.

I feel grateful for being alive.

That’s what this is all about. This comes even before sensing the Tide in the central energy channel.

This is Day 90 of these posts.

Healing happens when it’s ready, with our patience and kindness

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Waiting. Patience.

Yesterday I wrote about finding a place in my abdomen that felt cool in my Biodynamic Meditation. It condensed into a round shape maybe 2 inches in diameter.

It felt like old, stagnant, stuck fear, an iciness from who-knows-which young experience, maybe several.

I wondered if this was a place in my system that the healing energy would return to, helping it heal.

In today’s meditation, I felt radiance at my face, Tide, and healing energy slowly moving in my abdomen.

I felt the condensed energy again. It wasn’t as cold as it was yesterday. The healing energy stayed there for a while, like it was settling in with its attention.

Healing always happens in the present, no matter when the energy became stuck.

Healing cannot be forced. It happens when it’s ready to happen.

We can help it be ready, with our awareness and by simply allowing it to be as it is, with kindness and patience.

Some of our stuck energies have been with us for a long, long time, protecting the rest of our systems from chaos. They serve us until they are no longer needed.

Photo: Copied from somewhere online, honoring our tree brothers and sisters so many of whom were reshaped by the recent ice storm in Austin. The branches that remain intact will fill in the empty spaces and grow.

Locating and healing stuck fear in my body

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I woke early, not sure when, still dark, though.

It happens.

I’ve listened to multiple Yoga Nidra/NSDR meditations on YouTube to help me get back to sleep, enough to improvise one for myself.

So I did! I included my chakras and central energy channel as well as breath and body parts, and indeed, went back to sleep until daylight.

Hmm. New idea for teaching Biodynamic Meditation in person!

So when I did my own Biodynamic Meditation, I was already primed.

By the second physiological sigh, I sensed radiance at my face. By the third, my central energy channel with Tide.

A cranial stillpoint came on. Then swirliness.

Then I felt a steady sensation of coolness in my abdomen. At first it was larger, and as I stayed with it, it became smaller.

I don’t know what’s going on, except that there is a holding pattern there that feels old that I haven’t noticed before.

Our bodies hold so much history.

It seems related to fear. Stuck fear.

It didn’t unwind or dissolve today, but the healing energy showed it to me and gave it more healing resources.

I’m wondering if this will be a new focus in future sessions, the way my cranial bones and pelvis — sites of multiple injuries — have.

This is day 87, practicing Biodynamic Meditation. The sun is shining on a lot of tree damage in the Austin area, and power is coming back on for many. My office park is without power or water… I look forward to working when it’s restored.

Photo of Florida sunrise by Eric Towler, photographer and Zen friend.

We are all miracles. Appreciate yourself!

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Today I heard a cardinal chirping when I first awoke, a sign that spring is coming. They nest here every year. I love hearing and seeing them.

I went to work on my business website, editing and updating my offerings, before I even remembered to meditate.

Staying at home during this Texas ice storm has thrown my rhythms off.

Radiance came first, then third eye, solar plexus, heart, and root chakras, followed by a little bit of tide and a lot of swirliness.

Swirliness moved through my upper back, shoulders, and neck, reminding me to use better posture, because when I get into a writing trance, I can easily forget I have a body until it reminds me.

Swirliness also addressed issues in my upper abdomen, in the middle where stomach and liver abut.

It could have been my omentum, too, the layer of adipose tissue that moves to cuddle needy abdominal organs, bringing them extra resources.

We are simply fascinating! Every single one of us is a walking miracle.

Developing flexibility with the 12 states of attention helps with Biodynamic Meditation, and more

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One of my influential teachers, Nelson Zink, investigated the 12 states of attention, which I first learned of in 2010.

We have three primary ways through which we perceive: visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.

We have locations in which to place our attention, internal and external. The skin is the boundary.

Our attention has range, narrow to broad.

We come to favor a few of these states. Practicing the ones less used gives us more attentional flexibility.

Since the quality of our attention is important, I thought I would share this here.

When I settle my body into my sitting posture, I am using Kinesthetic, Internal, moderately Broad attention, K I B — moderately broad because I’m attending to my whole body and the surrounding biofield.

I tune into my central energy channel, K I N.

When I feel radiance at my face, it’s K I N. When I sense energy moving from far away, it’s K I/E B.

Stillpoints are K I N.

Monkey mind/internal chatter is A I N.

I don’t often get visual input when I’m meditating or receiving a Craniosacral Biodynamics session, but a few people who have received sessions from me have had visions, such as being showered with golden light (V/K I B).

When I give sessions, I open my eyes, looking out the window into the woods and sky outside. That would be V E B, while I’m sensing with my hands and field, K I/E N/B.

If you are curious about this, Google “navaching” and “12 states of attention” to access Nelson’s website and some blog posts I wrote years ago.

If you are challenged trying to sense the Tide, stillpoints, or other aspects of Biodynamic Meditation, you may find it helpful to access states of attention you don’t usually use.

This can be very powerful!

Today’s meditation was all about my central energy channel

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Today’s Biodynamic Meditation went like this:

Physiological sighs to shift my autonomic nervous system more parasympathetic

Settling into my cross-legged upright posture, left hand cradling right hand, palms up, in lap

Bringing awareness inside my body

Noticing sensations in my central energy channel

Noticing radiance at my face and my third eye and crown chakras open

Notice heart and throat chakras open

Noticing the Tide ascending and descending in a cycle of about 18 seconds in each direction

Noticing the radiance at my face become stronger, pressing inward

Being curious about my lower chakras, checking in with them, sensing solar plexus, sacral, and root chakras open

Staying with the Tide, chakras open, radiance at my face the rest of the 30 minutes

Photo: San Solomon Springs, Balmorhea State Park

Sensing the Tide’s motion and rhythm

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The Tide is one way of sensing the healing energy of the inherent healing process.

When the healing energy ascends and descends in the central energy channel, that’s the Tide.

When I work with clients, I need to be still in both mind and body, with attention to sensations in my hands lightly touching their feet or cranium, to sense the Tide.

The Tide is such a deep internal phenomenon, the motion affects every cell in the body, even moving the bones. Ever so slightly!

When the Tide ascends to the cranium, the cranial bones widen and the feet rotate externally. Ever so slightly!

When the Tide descends, the cranial bones narrow and the feet rotate internally, ever so slightly.

It is a subtle motion found by sensing slight changes in pressure in your hands. Then staying with it, noticing it moves rhythmically.

In Biodynamic Meditation, I’m inviting you to notice sensations in your central energy channel.

You may feel motion ascending and descending anywhere in the channel.

You may also tune into your cranium to sense it widening and narrowing.

When I sense this, it’s on the sides of my head, right above my ears.

I’ve taken a lot of craniosacral therapy classes and can attest that by noon on the first day, every student can sense another’s Tide with their hands. Even if they wonder if they’re imagining it! That means they’re getting close!

If you are wanting to sense your Tide and haven’t sensed its rhythm moving in your central energy channel yet, you might try tuning in deeply to sensations of your cranium widening and narrowing. Stay with it, either way.

~

My Biodynamic Meditation today had moments of deeper stillness. I sensed the healing energy settling in my ethmoid bone, a small cranial bone with dural membrane attached.

It’s yet another observation of my cranium being subtly reshaped by the inherent healing process, most likely from the challenges of my birth.