Tag Archives: sensations

Reframing insomnia as a gift

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes it seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

When you have days like that AND you have insomnia keeping you awake at night, maybe the insomnia is a gift.

When I experience insomnia, I wake up in the dark with a busy mind, thoughts passing through — sometimes zooming through — usually after 4 am when I’ve gotten maybe 5 hours of decent sleep but would prefer 7.

I don’t even look at the clock any more.

Insomnia seems like a big nuisance. A good night’s sleep is most restorative for how well I function the next day. I desire that.

What I’ve been doing recently when I awaken too early is work with my mind, or rather, my awareness.

To distinguish them, the mind thinks thoughts. Awareness is silent and larger. It’s more like a field that includes your mind, body, and the perceptions of your senses: sounds, sights, smells, tastes, body sensations, and thoughts.

I can think thoughts (think think think = mind), and I’m totally in that experience. I am being thought. I can also choose to think thoughts.

I can observe that I am thinking thoughts (my mind is thinking thoughts = awareness), and it’s one step removed from thinking.

When I awaken with insomnia, it seems that my mind is thinking thoughts involuntarily.

But is it?

Because I can also direct my attention to become aware not just that I’m thinking but aware of my body, of sensations.

Sometimes when my monkey mind is racing, it’s a struggle to find enough space between the thoughts to jump off that moving train, but with continued intent to sense into my body, it happens.

(I remember the first time years ago that I jumped off the fast-moving train of thoughts. I was scared and didn’t know what would happen. I somersaulted into darkness and never landed. It was so peaceful!)

Sensations are always available, and plunging into the experience of sensations from the experience of thinking is like entering a different reality.

It’s slower and calmer, like standing in calm water after being on hot, dry land.

What I experience in the sensory state is interesting. The other night, after switching my attention from thinking to body awareness, I got an image of three parallel wavy lines rising off my body and leaving.

When I woke too early this morning, after I switched to my felt sense, I became aware of an area in my abdomen that was roughly round, about 8 inches in diameter and an inch or so thick, that felt a bit denser than the surrounding area.

I stayed with the sensation. The area moved down, spread out, and became less dense.

Maybe it was my greater omentum, which is a little-known, very cool organ that can move around in the abdomen and hug whatever organ needs it.

In these cases, my brainwaves had probably shifted to theta, the irrational state that we pass through on our way into sleep. So what happens may not make sense.

I don’t believe that makes it any less “real”. There are many ways of perceiving.

“Theta waves are the dominant frequency in healing, high creative states, remembering emotional experiences (good and bad), memory retrieval, and encoding new memories into thoughts,” explains communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist Caroline Leaf, Ph.D., author of Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess.

“Theta wave pattern activity highlights the interaction that happens between the conscious and nonconscious mind as we think deeply,” says Leaf. “This is a pattern that we want to see in our brain because it reflects improving mind management.”

The gift is that after tuning into my body and staying with it, my mind becomes calm — and I go back to sleep.

Insomnia over.

Change your bias toward what’s going wrong, toward what’s going right.

Posted on by
Reply

What’s going right in your body-mind system?

Many of us, myself included, have a bias toward noticing what’s wrong, what hurts, is tense, stiff, sluggish, numb, dysfunctional.

We may even make up stories about what’s wrong, feeling ourselves deficient, flawed, less than, unworthy.

I’m motivated to get over that!

You know, if you’re not on life support in a hospital, there’s a lot that’s going right.

A LOT.

You’re breathing.

Your heart is beating.

You’re viewing this post and reading these words.

You very likely are hearing sounds, if you direct your attention there.

The many sensations of body awareness…

Your weight pressing down into whatever you’re sitting or standing or leaning on.

The sense of where you are in space, how your body is arranged, your posture.

Warmth or coolness.

Balance.

Emotions.

Your many systems that keep you organized and alive: cardiovascular, pulmonary, nervous, lymphatic, digestive, immune, etc.

Also, your mind. Your memories and imaginations, beliefs, motivations, identity, skills, preferences and avoidances, etc.

Underlying all is your life force. Yogis call it prana. Daoists call it qi (chi, ki).

I feel it when I do Biodynamic Meditation, doing yoga or qi gong, walking in nature, having a great conversation with someone, hugging a friend, practicing Craniosacral Biodynamics, and just at random times.

I feel grateful for being alive.

That’s what this is all about. This comes even before sensing the Tide in the central energy channel.

This is Day 90 of these posts.

Today’s meditation was all about my central energy channel

Posted on by
Reply

Today’s Biodynamic Meditation went like this:

Physiological sighs to shift my autonomic nervous system more parasympathetic

Settling into my cross-legged upright posture, left hand cradling right hand, palms up, in lap

Bringing awareness inside my body

Noticing sensations in my central energy channel

Noticing radiance at my face and my third eye and crown chakras open

Notice heart and throat chakras open

Noticing the Tide ascending and descending in a cycle of about 18 seconds in each direction

Noticing the radiance at my face become stronger, pressing inward

Being curious about my lower chakras, checking in with them, sensing solar plexus, sacral, and root chakras open

Staying with the Tide, chakras open, radiance at my face the rest of the 30 minutes

Photo: San Solomon Springs, Balmorhea State Park

Homesickness for God directs us toward peace and healing

Posted on by
Reply

This quote from Stephen Levine about being homesick for God accurately captures why I’m so drawn to Craniosacral Biodynamics, and why I want to share the practice of Biodynamic Meditation with you.

Today’s sit: breathing, central energy channel, sensations, Tide, radiance at my face, swirliness in upper abdomen, sacral stillpoint.

Sensing the Tide’s motion and rhythm

Posted on by
Reply

The Tide is one way of sensing the healing energy of the inherent healing process.

When the healing energy ascends and descends in the central energy channel, that’s the Tide.

When I work with clients, I need to be still in both mind and body, with attention to sensations in my hands lightly touching their feet or cranium, to sense the Tide.

The Tide is such a deep internal phenomenon, the motion affects every cell in the body, even moving the bones. Ever so slightly!

When the Tide ascends to the cranium, the cranial bones widen and the feet rotate externally. Ever so slightly!

When the Tide descends, the cranial bones narrow and the feet rotate internally, ever so slightly.

It is a subtle motion found by sensing slight changes in pressure in your hands. Then staying with it, noticing it moves rhythmically.

In Biodynamic Meditation, I’m inviting you to notice sensations in your central energy channel.

You may feel motion ascending and descending anywhere in the channel.

You may also tune into your cranium to sense it widening and narrowing.

When I sense this, it’s on the sides of my head, right above my ears.

I’ve taken a lot of craniosacral therapy classes and can attest that by noon on the first day, every student can sense another’s Tide with their hands. Even if they wonder if they’re imagining it! That means they’re getting close!

If you are wanting to sense your Tide and haven’t sensed its rhythm moving in your central energy channel yet, you might try tuning in deeply to sensations of your cranium widening and narrowing. Stay with it, either way.

~

My Biodynamic Meditation today had moments of deeper stillness. I sensed the healing energy settling in my ethmoid bone, a small cranial bone with dural membrane attached.

It’s yet another observation of my cranium being subtly reshaped by the inherent healing process, most likely from the challenges of my birth.

Changes over time from daily Biodynamic Meditation

Posted on by
Reply

Today’s Biodynamic Meditation was different.

Radiance at my face from the start, after 5 physiological sighs.

Tide moving up and down in my central energy channel.

No stillpoint unless it was brief, more of a pause.

Then…sensations in the skin, especially of my arms and legs. Pleasurable.

Continue reading →

Biodynamic Meditation, Day 57

Posted on by
Reply

I slept from 10:30pm until about 5:30am. When I woke, I was comfortable lying in bed and not ready to get up, although my mind was active.

So I listened to a Yoga Nidra (yogic sleep, or non-sleep deep rest) recording on YouTube.

The best Yoga Nidra recording I’ve found so far is I AM Yoga Nidra by Liam Gillen, 38:41.

He guides you to relax deeply using breathing, intention, awareness of sensations, attention to chakras, stilling the mind, deepening awareness.

Sort of like what I’m doing in my Biodynamic Meditations (although he skips the Tide).

It’s teaching me more about how to teach. My session this morning was deeper after listening to his Yoga Nidra.

Continue reading →

Morning download, 2.15.19

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve been waking before 6, lying drowsily in the dark, under the covers, all warm and snuggly, surrounded by pillows, luxuriating in not having to get up and (usually) not feeling like I didn’t get enough sleep and need to get some more shut-eye.

This daily journey from nonconsciousness to consciousness feels so good to take it slowly. Feeling my warmth, my body weight surrendered to gravity, I notice that energy is pouring out the soles of my feet — or maybe pouring in. Not even the entire sole, but a circle around K1, Bubbling Spring, where the kidney channel begins. The force is strong there.

The little part of my brain that’s always going, “But what does it meeeaaaannnn?” doesn’t know what that’s about except that it’s healthy. Am I letting out too much or being replenished? Don’t know. Maybe connected to earth element because feet, right? Powerful point, powerful channel, kidney chi.

I may doze a little, but when the light starts to return, I get up and pee and return to sit in my bed and just sit. Yeah, I have beautiful, fancy meditation gear, and I sit in my bed.

I used to think of it as meditation, but now I like to just call it sitting. Sitting with what is. I tune into breath and body, sounds, and I enter a state of integrity and subtle bliss. I notice sensations, thoughts arising and dissipating, sometimes an emotional tone. I open up and make myself available.

Sometimes my thoughts are strong and sticky. I use my will to return to stillness, over and over. Sometimes I command my unruly thinker to be still, and it actually obeys, which is amazing and gratifying. I like to go deep into the swirly energy currents and let them wash me inside and out. When I am being breathed, I’m there. No will needed. Just surrender.

After sitting, breathing. Current practice: kapalabhati, the 4-7-8 kriya that Dr. Fulford taught Dr. Weil, and nadi shodhana.

I make myself a cup of matcha (with Berkey-filtered water heated to 160 degrees F because I’m that kind of person) and return to my bed, stare out my window, hear the noise of birds, traffic, trains, and the motors and beeps of heavy construction equipment, because Austin. The city is reaching the country.

I come into some clarity, and I simply need to write and share. I’ve realized that it’s probably not a good idea to text my early morning downloads to the possibly unprepared dear ones I’m fortunate enough to have in my life, at least until I’ve had an opportunity to check in. Still, there’s that need to express.

Guess what? I have a blog, and you’re reading it! I used to post more personal writing here but haven’t for a long time. I can do that again.

So…I’m back, my people! Here we are with my new strategy: morning pages for all to see, being intimate in a way that’s safe for me and my associates in this sometimes crazy, dangerous world. You didn’t want to know the particulars anyway — you like melding minds, and here’s my contribution. This business of being human requires courage and boundaries and discernment and trust, and a whole lot more…and that’s what’s coming up today.

Some things I will be writing about: finally figuring out that I’m an empath and learning how to be a healthy empath because sometimes it is quite troubling and draining.

Also, what the fuck is right relationship and how can I be/do/create/collaborate on that?

And also, being an autodidact. Being both ordinary and extraordinary because so are you and let’s talk about it. And whatever comes up that’s appropriate to share here.

We all learning here on this bus. That’s all for today, lovelies. Be well.

The mindful diet

Posted on by
1

First. Let yourself get hungry. Abstain from eating so that you feel hunger. Check in with what your body is feeling every so often for an hour after you first feel hunger. Notice whether the sensations stay the same or change.

Drink water and notice what happens. Sometimes we mistake thirst for hunger. Learn the difference.

Savor these sensations. They are wisdom from your body. They are real, present sensations. Hunger for them. Trust them. You may have been ignoring them. You may have trouble recognizing them.

(Don’t worry. If you are reading this post, you will not die from hunger in one hour, or thirst, although your mind may be telling you differently. Your mind has been conditioned to mindless eating. That’s what is changing.)

If your mind starts thinking about food, write about it. Make a list of foods you daydream about. Evaluate this list. Is it good for you? If not, could something else satisfy you — a hug, a walk, dancing?

Notice the difference between what you feel with your body and what your mind is doing. Each way of being has a signature.

What would your life be like if you only ate after you fully and consciously felt hunger? Would you eat at certain times, or might the times vary? How often do you really need to eat to maintain or improve your health?

Second. Eat. After an hour of hunger and its sensations has gone by, eat. Eat some food that is healthy. Eat it slowly with an eye to noticing the sensation of satiety, of having eaten enough.

Do not eat with the goal of cleaning your plate. Give yourself a small serving.

The goal is to really notice eating and “enough”. Take one bite. Chew it. Taste it. Notice as many qualities of the taste as you can. Swallow.

Take another bite. Chew, taste, swallow. Move your arm slowly as you pick the food up with your fork or spoon or fingers and bring it to your mouth. Chew slowly.

After the third bite, pause for a minute. Notice the sensations in your stomach. How have they changed? Do you still feel hungry? Do you feel less hungry?

Remember that your empty stomach is the size of your fist, and your full stomach is the size of both fists. You don’t even have to fill your stomach to feel satiated.

Eat ten bites and notice your stomach sensations.

You might decide to stop then, or you might decide to eat 15 or 20 bites. But stop when you’ve eaten less than you would mindlessly eat.

Then see how long it takes for you to feel hungry again, and do it all again.  It might mean you need to have food available as you go through your day, perhaps some nut butter, a banana, an avocado. Just enough to stave off your hunger pangs. You could eat half a banana or avocado, or a teaspoon of almond butter.

You might also think about where the food came from, plant or animal, soil, rain, sunshine, farmers, and all the places it has been and hands it has passed through to get to your mouth. With gratitude.

Third. Do this often. It’s a great way to lose weight, because it’s portion control, but more importantly, it gets you back in touch with your body, and it extends your experience of gratitude and connection to the planet.

Also, if you are only eating when hungry, and only eating enough to stave off hunger for a couple of hours, you will want every bite of food you eat to be nutritious as well as delicious. No HFCS, please.

And that’s it. I’m posting this to remind myself that I can eat like this, because I have put on a little more weight than I’d like. I’m having a small cup of quinoa tabouli for breakfast, then it’s off to work.

Renewing my sitting practice, massage self care, oil pulling, and a 21-day challenge: Byron Katie’s The Work

Posted on by
5

I got away from my meditation practice. For many months.

It always seemed like a good idea when I thought about it, and I still didn’t actually do it more than occasionally. Committing to 20-30 minutes of doing nothing — well, it seemed like I didn’t have time. I had other things to do.

This is after years of meditating and a full year of daily sitting.

Hmmm. The mind plays tricks, takes itself way too seriously, makes excuses, avoids.

I missed it, and when a friend told me she gets out of bed and sits first thing every day, it inspired me to start again.

I was also inspired by the film The Dhamma Brothers, about a program in an Alabama prison where inmates did vipassana meditation, 10 days of silent sitting. It was profound to see peace on the faces of men who had committed terrible crimes.

One inmate said:

I thought my biggest fear was growing old and dying in prison. In truth, my biggest fear was growing old and not knowing myself.

Meditation has always been about facing my self, from the day I started, so tentatively, having realized that nothing else I had tried was taking my suffering away, so I might at least fully face it.

It didn’t take it away, but I quickly understood that my experience was larger than my suffering.

Aren’t we all in prisons of some kind? Fears, mindless behaviors, disconnections, denial, insane beliefs…

I want to know myself. And that in itself is such a koan, I felt inspired to sit with it.

Getting on the computer first thing in the morning is my worst distraction. I seem to have developed an affinity for my laptop, for Facebook, email, checking my blog stats, reading what interests me. Time can get away from me. It’s like an addiction.

So I realized that I need to sit first thing. Actually, I do a couple of sun salutations first. Otherwise, more of my attention goes to my aches and pains when I sit.

Yoga frees my mind to pay more attention to noticing my thoughts and sensing the subtle energies.

Today I experienced this:

Indeed, the ineffability of the air seems akin to the ineffability of awareness itself, and we should not be surprised that many indigenous peoples construe awareness, or ‘mind,’ not as a power that resides inside their heads, but rather as a quality that they themselves are inside of, along with the other animals and the plants, the mountains and the clouds. ~ David Abram

Tom Best would love that quote. Living inside of awareness. Sweet. I miss him.

~~~

I’ve been giving 15-20 massages a week, and my body is feeling it. I like the honesty of physical work, and I’m learning about remedies like rosemary oil for achy thumbs, trigger points on the forearm, wrist stretches.

Immersing myself in the cold waters of Barton Springs and snorkeling a lap is very, very good for aches and pains. I sleep well.

I’ve also changed up my mouth care routine. I’m brushing with turmeric (if you try it, be careful because it stains towels and possibly porcelain, but it whitens teeth and reduces inflammation in gum pockets), tongue scraping, flossing, oil pulling with organic coconut oil (sometimes adding a drop of peppermint or clove oil).

I do the oil pulling for 20 minutes most days.

So far, my teeth are whiter, my mouth feels cleaner, and my breath smells good throughout the day.

I’ve done this about a week now. I want to do it for a couple of months and see if it makes a big difference. Some folks claim that oil pulling has huge unexpected health benefits; some say that’s because it reduces inflammation in the mouth and body.

I’ll let you know.

~~~

Finally, I am planning to start a new 21-day challenge on Sept. 1, ending on the fall equinox. I will be doing The Work of Byron Katie, starting with her Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

I will do at least one worksheet online so people can see how The Work actually works.

I’m also re-reading her book, Loving What Is (which she autographed for me last time I saw her!), and will add insights from that and the workshops I’ve attended.

If you’d like to do it along with me, here’s a link to the worksheet online.