How the dominant paradigm is being subverted, and how you can participate

I read this article, The New Humanism, in today’s New York Times. It’s an op-ed piece by columnist David Brooks about how our culture’s predominant way of thinking and viewing the world, through the lens of reason, has led to major policy errors, such as invading Iraq, the financial collapse, futile efforts to improve the educational system.

Brooks writes:

I’ve come to believe that these failures spring from a single failure: reliance on an overly simplistic view of human nature. We have a prevailing view in our society — not only in the policy world, but in many spheres — that we are divided creatures. Reason, which is trustworthy, is separate from the emotions, which are suspect. Society progresses to the extent that reason can suppress the passions.

Of course, we brain geeks know that it’s the glorification of the left brain at the expense of the right.

He continues:

Yet while we are trapped within this amputated view of human nature, a richer and deeper view is coming back into view. It is being brought to us by researchers across an array of diverse fields: neuroscience, psychology, sociology, behavioral economics and so on.

This growing, dispersed body of research reminds us of a few key insights. First, the unconscious parts of the mind are most of the mind, where many of the most impressive feats of thinking take place. Second, emotion is not opposed to reason; our emotions assign value to things and are the basis of reason. Finally, we are not individuals who form relationships. We are social animals, deeply interpenetrated with one another, who emerge out of relationships.

These points bear repeating:

  • Consciousness is tiny in comparison to the unconscious parts of the mind.
  • Emotions are the basis of reason.
  • We live our entire lives in a web of interdependence with other humans.

Got that? Good. That’s thinking with an integrated brain.

Brooks goes on to write about the difference this makes in what we pay attention to:

When you synthesize this research, you get different perspectives on everything from business to family to politics. You pay less attention to how people analyze the world but more to how they perceive and organize it in their minds. You pay a bit less attention to individual traits and more to the quality of relationships between people.

Then he lists the talents this new paradigm requires and develops:

Attunement: the ability to enter other minds and learn what they have to offer.

Equipoise: the ability to serenely monitor the movements of one’s own mind and correct for biases and shortcomings.

Metis: the ability to see patterns in the world and derive a gist from complex situations.

Sympathy: the ability to fall into a rhythm with those around you and thrive in groups.

Limerence: This isn’t a talent as much as a motivation. The conscious mind hungers for money and success, but the unconscious mind hungers for those moments of transcendence when the skull line falls away and we are lost in love for another, the challenge of a task or the love of God. Some people seem to experience this drive more powerfully than others.

Which of these talents have you developed? Which do you want to develop more deeply?

This article is not about Buddhism or NLP or ecstatic dance, by the way, although given my history, I couldn’t help but make those connections.

It’s about how thousands of researchers in multiple displines are coming up with a new view of what it means to be a human being. Brooks concludes:

 It’s beginning to show how the emotional and the rational are intertwined.

I suspect their work will have a giant effect on the culture. It’ll change how we see ourselves. Who knows, it may even someday transform the way our policy makers see the world.

Let’s hope so. Let’s do our parts to make it so.

Okay, people. let’s get to work changing the world! One savasana, one trance, one meditation session, one ecstatic dance, one meta-position, one moment of transcendence at a time.

A clear sign from the Universe. Flexibility. Freedom.

I’ve reached day 20. The gratitude challenge ends tomorrow. Today I’m reviewing.

Here’s my parade of gratitudes so far, day by day:

  1. My cat Mango. My house. The internet.
  2. My daughter. Women friends. Gifted intuitive healers.
  3. My health. A car wreck. The best novel ever.
  4. Water falling from the sky. Mexican food. Saying no.
  5. Generosity. Root vegetables. An offer on my house.
  6. Doing this challenge. Imperfection. A day with my granddaughter, Hannah.
  7. NLP. Challenges. Resources.
  8. Asking for what you need. Seeking work. Integrative Chakra Breathwork.
  9. Options are the antidote to anxiety. Offers on my house. Work possibilities.
  10. The 4-Hour Body. Teaching yoga. Yes.
  11. Signing a contract on my house. Relationship challenges. Housewife on LSD video.
  12. Father and infant daughter. New watch. Pigeon pose.
  13. Meta position. The Metta Sutra. A good night’s sleep.
  14. Being a mad scientist. Having a wise realtor. Leaving home.
  15. Inner bigness. Jedi warrior Keith Fail. Awareness.
  16. Job interview. Insights. Shared dreams.
  17. My car. My house. My friends.
  18. The Work. Cat-moving advice. T-Mobile.
  19. Byron Katie. Life as it is. 5,000 blog views.

(By the way, as of this moment, this blog has gotten 5,019 views. Thank you again for reading, connecting energetically, commenting. I appreciate you.)

I see from this list a mix of specific gratitudes, for specific people, a video, a book, a company, a sutra, and more.

I also see broad areas of gratitude — insights, awareness, inner bigness, life as it is, no, yes.

Hmmm. I passed my own “chunk size” test! Yay! The object is not to be stuck in the details or in the big picture. It’s to have flexible perspective, to be able to see both the forest and the trees.

I am grateful to have the flexibility to zoom in and out on life with a measure of ease. I believe this skill is something I began developing since my very first day of NLP practitioner training several years ago. I hold the universe and an acorn in the palm of my hand. It helps tremendously with my equanimity — it helps me know I can be ready for anything. That confidence is priceless.

~~~

This 21-day challenge has coincided with selling my house. I had no offers on day 1, and now I have a contract and what looks like a pretty solid bet on closing February 18. Since I’ve often marked eras in my life by the home I was living in at the time, I am in transit, ending one era and beginning another.

It’s also coincided with a lot of attention to my work. On day 1, I was happily jobless, except for my joyous work as a yoga teacher and an NLP coach/change shaman offering free or low-priced sessions to get experience and build a reputation.

Meanwhile, my vision of my future work/identity keeps evolving. My plan had been to start as a full-time student at AOMA in July. I still love AOMA, and now I’m not so sure that becoming an acupuncturist is right for me. Nowadays it is hard to build a full-time practice in Austin, which has two acupuncture schools. I have time to get clear on this.

I believe I could become an exceptional acupuncturist, as long as I can practice “everything else” alongside it. But for me, maybe “everything else” is more to the point. I’m still working on this.

I’m considering getting other training, which may include classwork at AOMA. I have a couple of key words to guide me: blockages and beliefs. These words are about working with the body and the mind, i.e., touching and talking, and came to me during this challenge. That’s the big picture. Maybe massage school is where I need to start, to get a license to touch.

I can do Reiki now, without a license. Thank you, Jonathan, for attuning me.

I can do the verbal changework now under the banner of a coach or consultant, or, my favorite, well-being shaman.

It’s all energy work.

In the practical realm, due to the uncertainties of when I would actually close on my house, and desiring to keep my technical writing skills marketable until I have fully made the transit to self-employment, I updated my resume one day and spent the next day responding to job postings and sending it to recruiters for contract work. I heard from a recruiter that day, had an interview a few days later, and received and accepted an offer the day after that.

Honestly, I didn’t know it would be that easy, and that it was has touched my heart. Thank you, Universe, for showing my humble self that I’m on the right track. I hope to be doing contract work over the next couple of years to pay the bills as I get the training I need.

~~~

I’m incredibly grateful for the freedom I have. Especially when I compare myself to so many people in the world who can’t live where they want or do the work that they want, to people who feel trapped. (Actually, these are the people I want to work with.)

I can sell my house and buy a trailer!

I can quit a “permanent” job and do contract work to pay the bills and keep my skills marketable and have an adventure!

I can teach yoga and offer NLP/changework sessions and do The Work!

I can explore my desired life work and how best to learn and do that!

I can literally change my mind!

I am incredibly lucky and grateful that my life gives me these choices.

Byron Katie. Life as it is. 5,000 blog views.

On this 19th day of my 21-day gratitude challenge, I am very grateful that Friday and Saturday, I got to spend hours in an auditorium with Byron Katie and my friends Thomas and Val and a whole bunch of other people, watching Katie, as she’s called, working with several people who were troubled about something.

Katie’s technique is called The Work, and the way we worked was to fill out a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (available online for free along with a lot of other resources) about a recurring stressful situation, something that reliably pushes our buttons. She encouraged us to be our meanest, pettiest selves when we filled out the worksheet.

Then she asks, or has us ask ourselves, four questions:

  1. Is it true? (yes or no)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (yes or no)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then you turn the thought around three ways and find three specific examples of how each turnaround is true for you in that situation. For example, if my thought is “I hate him,” the turnarounds would work like this:

  1. The first turnaround is to the self. “I hate me.” How do I treat myself hatefully?
  2. The second turnaround is to the other. “He hates me.” List ways he hates me.
  3. The third turnaround is the opposite. “I love him.” How do I love him?

So from an NLP perspective, she’s working at the belief level, and she’s helping people reframe their experiences and emotions and beliefs and even identities. She refers a lot to people’s internal images (but not voices). On an energy level, she’s helping people move from contraction to expansion.

On Saturday, her first guest onstage was an attractive, polished woman who had flown here from San Francisco. Her husband of 30 years cheated on her with “a 27-year-old Brazilian whore” while she (the wronged wife) was undergoing treatment for breast cancer.

Katie took this woman through the process. She realized that she had stopped loving her husband but was willing to live a charade, she knew he was lying to her, et cetera. It took her out of her victim story. She also got huge applause for getting here with her frequent flyer miles since her husband had denied her access to all of their bank accounts. This woman is resourceful!

In the turnaround, Katie asked the woman to say, “I’m a whore,” and the woman couldn’t get the word “whore” out.

The unflappable Katie said, “What the heck. I’m enlightened. I can say it for you. ‘I’m a whore.’ There.” Big laughs and applause.

Later she worked with a woman who was so distraught because her husband, a diabetic, wouldn’t take his meds that she herself was on medication.

Once again, I’m grateful I got to see Byron Katie do The Work in person. If anyone wants to play with me, ping me.

~~~

In this moment, I’m grateful for life as it is. That’s what enlightenment is. That’s what Zen teaches. That’s what we practice when sitting in meditation.

~~~

I’m grateful to those who read my blog. Today it looks like I will cross the threshold of 5,000 views! Thank you for reading my posts. Thanks for connecting. Thanks for commenting.

Job interview. Insights. Shared dreams.

Today I am feeling grateful for the job interview I had yesterday. I interviewed for a three-month contract job at a big technology company yesterday.

The feedback I got from the placement agency connection afterward was that (1) I was the last person they talked to (always a good thing when interviewing because you’re fresh in their memory when they are making the hiring decision) and (2) they really liked me and my writing sample, concluding that I was capable of doing the work and would be a pleasure to work with. Apparently others they interviewed had the skills but not the attitude.

I hope to be offered this job.

My strategy during the interview was to understand their point of view and how I can do what they need to have done. I grasped it well: a custom software provider didn’t provide them with a user manual, and they needed this manual three months ago. This happens more often than it should, but that creates nice lucrative short-term job opportunities for technical writers like me.

So I step in, document what they’ve been able to figure out so far, and working with this big company’s IT department and the software developers in California, figure out and write procedures for how to do everything else.

This is how a Maximizer thinks:

  • I suggested that the user manual I write could be desirable to the software provider, and that they use that in future negotiations with the software provider.
  • This software provider might consider hiring me to work remotely and produce user manuals for their custom software solutions.
  • I might get a gig at this big technology company teaching lunchtime or after-work yoga. It’s a lot more fun than technical writing!

Will let you know what I hear!

~~~

I am grateful for insights, those little snippets of emerging knowledge that help me evolve. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my future work, refining my ideas about what I’ll do and the training I need.

Last night two alliterative words came to mind about the work I want to do with people. Blockages and beliefs.

You know the beautiful energy that infants, toddlers, and young children have, so open-hearted, present, playful, engaged, and full of life? We lose that — in essence, life teaches us that it’s not okay to be like that. We make painful trade-offs and then suppress the memories. These unconscious beliefs and blockages keep us in bondage, keep us from REALizing that our true nature is full of light, just like those beaming babies

I would like to help people recover that beautiful life-affirming energy in two ways: by learning the bodywork skills to help people release their blockages (because blockages are in the bodymind and often more accessible via the body) and working with people at the belief level to let go of beliefs that keep them in darkness and help them open up to life itself.

These two words, blockages and beliefs, are helping me identify the training I need to do the bodymindheartspirit work I want to do.

I’m thanking my bodymindheartspirit for letting those two words bubble up into my conscious mind.

~~~

I’m grateful for shared dreams. Yesterday I was introduced by a mutual friend to someone on Facebook who shares my interest in vintage trailers. I have ogled them online for months now. My new friend goes to the same websites I do and ogles the same trailers, plus ones I hadn’t considered!

A couple of days ago, I did an NLP session with a new friend, again someone I met on Facebook and looked forward to meeting in person. We had a nice long session over tea, with my cat curling up with each of us in turn.

From my perspective, we hit it off well. The rapport was good. I like this person and am learning a lot from working with him. I believe that I am helping him refine his thinking and hone his positive energy for moving in a whole new direction career-wise.

Here’s to two new friendships! Salud!

Finding your inner bigness. Jedi master Keith Fail. Awareness.

Today I’m grateful for finding inner bigness — hope, recovery, resiliency, growth — for those energies that move a contraction into expansion, that move a loss into new possibilities.

If you have experienced a recent contraction — a disappointment or loss, say — know that if you give it some space, some energy within you will find a way to expand. To give it some space means to accept that what you planned has been replaced by the unknown. To allow the unknown to come into awareness — and not fight it or run from it with distractions or denial — is to open to possibility.

That moment may be uncomfortable, though. Breathe into it.

Expansion may come in the form of you learning a new and needed skill that gives you more confidence about managing your life.

Or it may come in the form of a new recognition about who you really are and what your life’s purpose is.

Today I recognize this pattern in my life, and I share it with those who need it.

~~~

Today I’m grateful for people who inspire, and I want to call one out in particular. Keith Fail presented last night at the Austin NLP meetup on the topic Living a Meaningful Life in 2011. Keith has studied NLP for 25 years with some of the best masters available. He coaches, teaches, and trains people with NLP. He is the most widely read person in the field that I’ve met, with a very inclusive yet discerning mindset. NLP is his life’s work.

Plus, he’s secretly a Jedi master. I’m convinced! Meet him and see for yourself.

Basing his presentation on the assumption that people want to be happy, and using current research on what makes people happy, Keith asked key questions to elicit in each attendee more clarity about what gives meaning to their lives and therefore brings happiness.

I recognize that I am undergoing a sea change in my life purpose and values, and my conscious mind is the last to know! These changes start deep within the unconscious, and are really just starting to take shape consciously about living my life’s purpose. I’ll be writing more as it becomes clear to me.

Thank you, Keith, for the value you’ve added to my life, and for being a friend and Jedi master.

~~~

I’m grateful for awareness. The faculty of awareness, and specific instances of awareness. Awareness allows me to recognize gratitude.

After I meditate, I get up and then bow to my empty zafu. It serves as a symbol and location for my experience of awareness.

Thank you.

Meta position. Metta Sutra. A good night’s sleep.

Several friends of mine have been experiencing relationship troubles lately, and I’ve felt an impact myself. Surprise, anger, sorrow, disappointment, empathy, compassion for all. I am still feeling some heaviness about this.

I’ve struggled to comprehend, to see the situation from each person’s point of view, to see where I was attached to things as they were, to understand the differences in values that created the conflicts, to accept what happened, to advise well when asked, to let my emotions wash through me and move through it as cleanly and clearly as I know how.

From the NLP world comes the concept of meta position, which is a location outside a situation which enables you to see the situation from a broader perspective. Meta position has a degree of dissociation, of not taking it personally, but also extending compassion to all concerned. At least, that’s how I’ve learned it.

You can “go meta” with yourself on your own inner conflicts, processes, and interactions, and you can use it to see yourself and those you care about as you imagine God might perceive the situation in the fullness of time.

You know, the really big picture, using Big Mind.

Today I’m grateful for the concept and practice of meta position.

~~~

The Metta Sutra contains Buddha’s words on loving kindness, a quality cultivated by Buddhist practice. It’s not very long and it includes these well-known words:

May all beings be happy.

I’m grateful for the Buddha for giving us the Metta Sutra. Here’s the entire text.

The Metta Sutra

This is the work for those who are skilled and peaceful, who seek the good: May they be able and upright, straightforward, of gentle speech and not proud. May they be content and easily supported, unburdened with their senses calmed. May they be wise, not arrogant and without desire for the possessions of others. May they do nothing mean or that the wise would reprove.

May all beings be happy. May they live in safety and joy. All living beings, whether weak or strong, tall, stout, medium or short, seen or unseen, near or distant, born or to be born, may they all be happy.

Let no one deceive another or despise any being in any state, let none by anger or hatred wish harm to another. As a mother watches over her child, willing to risk her own life to protect her only child, so with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings, suffusing the whole world with unobstructed loving-kindness.

Standing or walking, sitting or lying down, during all one’s waking hours, may one remain mindful of this heart and this way of living that is the best in the world. Unattached to speculations, views and sense desires, with clear vision, such a person will never be reborn in the cycles of suffering.

Click this link to view (and print, if you desire) this translation of the Metta Sutra.

~~~

I’ve spent many years of my life taking a good night’s sleep for granted. When you aren’t sleeping well, it affects your entire sense of well-being. I’ve gone through periods like that, and it was such a relief when I slept well again.

These days I occasionally have nights where my sleep is disturbed. Last night I slept soundly and woke feeling deeply rested and ready for the day, and for that, I am most grateful.

NLPing, challenges and choices, my toolbox of resources — and a proposition for a new challenge

I’ve got to be out of my house in an hour for a realtor to show it to a prospective client, so here goes!

I feel very gratified about a phone NLP session I had last night with someone I’ve never played in this way with before. I’m not going to betray any confidences, but the process worked! She made several shifts, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I believe that the thing she was stuck on has opened up in a beautiful and remarkable way. Excellent work — you know who you are! It was such a pleasure for me. I hope it was for you too.

I also got an email from a friend whom I did a session with about three weeks ago — the session that inspired me to offer free sessions for a week. She’s sailing on the project she was stuck on — fulfilling her creative vision and finding collaborators who rock deeply. She wrote:

Your NLP with me was such a help. I may need more soon.

I still need to schedule three more free sessions with people who claimed their spot before January 12. I’m looking forward to it — and I will be offering sessions on a sliding scale or donation basis very soon! Stay tuned!

I feel grateful for life’s challenges. I didn’t sleep well last night — issues with getting my car repaired, selling my house, my present and future work, and of course, my identity, all came to a head, leaving me restless, in my head, and full of what ifs.

Once I considered all the choices I have, I felt better. Got some good quality sleep for an hour or two and woke up ready to face the day. I did Dene Ballantine’s Tap Away Pain (TAP) version of the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) just to really get it at a bodily level that I have many choices about how I face what life presents.

I also feel grateful for my considerable toolbox of resources. Yoga, TAP/EFT, pranayama, sitting, Reiki, NLP — all of them come in handy for getting me centered and helping me operate from my center even more deeply.

I add to that list of resources the trauma releasing exercises, which I haven’t done for awhile.

Last night I was inspired to get that book down off the shelf and find out how often you can do them, because I had a brainstorm.

What if after I/we finish our 21 days of gratitude (we’re one-third of the way through today), I offer an opportunity to join me in doing the revolutionary trauma releasing exercises every other day for a month and twice a week for the next month?

By that point, we will be so unstressed and relaxed that it will be easy to recognize when we need to do them, and it will feel so good to be unstressed and relaxed that we will be motivated to do them when we need to!

Sometimes stress can be such a part of your life that you don’t even know who you are any more. I’ve been there.

This is a way to recover your true relaxed self — without having to go on an expensive island vacation or get frequent massages! (More power to you if you can do that!)

We can share our experiences here. Think of it as a public service: a lot of people find this blog searching for information about the trauma releasing exercises because I’ve written about them before, and there’s not a lot of first-hand reports out there yet.

Look in the tag cloud on the blog and click “trauma releasing exercises” to read those posts if you’re curious.

I decided to mention it now so you’ll have time to order the book and/or video if you want to participate.

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Gratitude for my daughter, women friends, and skilled intuitive healers

About gratitude journals

From googling “gratitude journal,” the practice apparently began in 1996 when Sarah Ban Breathnach created The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude as a companion to her popular book Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.

Here’s a blurb about the book:

“Gratitude is the most passionate transformative force in the cosmos,” promises author Sarah Ban Breathnach (Simple Abundance) in her introduction.

I believe it, Sister Sarah!

Sarah asked journalers (journalists?) to write five things every day that they felt grateful for and said they would feel their lives shift within a couple of months.

In 1998, Oprah Winfrey had Sarah as a guest on her show, and as we all know, Oprah just knows goodness. The gratitude journal took off.

I missed out on this back then. It was in the early days of the world wide web (remember that?). I was working at a computer all day, and in my free time, the last thing I wanted to do was be on a computer. (My, how Facebook and blogging have changed that!)

I was raising an adolescent girl going through her most difficult period, in an often-strained relationship.

Actually, looking back, keeping gratitude journals would probably have been a fantastically wonderful practice for us to share back then, if she had deigned to share anything with me.

Hmmm. She’s changed, and so have I.

What I feel grateful for today

Today I feel grateful for my whole experience of motherhood. From pregnancy (easy), through childbirth (difficult), to the moment I held my new baby in my arms for the first time and she wrapped her tiny fingers around my little finger (instant love), I have been blessed to have had a child, a daughter, and specifically my daughter, Lela Rose, who is 29 years old now.

Lela at her Dec 2010 graduation from nursing school, with her women friends.

I watched and helped her grow up, even as I grew up more myself, and she has turned out to be a mensch, a true human being. I see her in her young adult years now, a mother herself, starting her nursing career just this week, moving through struggle to accomplishment. I see her self-esteem, her worthiness, her competency, her intelligence, her endearing goofiness, her wisdom, her discipline, her caring, her limits too.

What I am most grateful for about being a mother is the personal growth that raising her brought to my life — the growing up that I had to do, the inner work of exploring my values, learning when to be flexible and when to stand firm, the changes that being her mother brought to my life.

Today I feel grateful for my women friends, in particular Clarita and Linaka, whom I spent time with last night. We go way back to 1995 when we began ecstatically dancing together. That is 16 years of knowing each other, talking, coming together and moving away, seeing each other through difficulties and joys and sharing them, traveling together, cooking and eating together, always laughing together, and lately doing NLP with each other.

I feel blessed to have so many women friends, new and old, near and far. There is something about the friendship of women that is so nurturing. I think we let our hair down when it’s just us, in a way that we don’t or can’t with men, because we share the lifelong experience of being women in this culture. And when we have common interests and affection for each other, the connecting is abundant.

Today I feel grateful for those people I’ve encountered so far in my life who are skilled intuitive healers. I’ve mentioned Patrice, my acupuncturist, and Chandler Collins, my chiropractor, on this blog before.

Yesterday I had a heart-centering bodymind session with Bo Boatwright, who is a chiropractor but who has learned and developed a method that one could do with just a massage license.

Having experienced one session with Bo, I’d say his work with me on the table was a combination of massage, chiropractic, myofascial release, rebirthing, and visualization. He rolled me and moved me to find the stuck places, and he dug into the stuck places, having me breathe all the while, until my body spontaneously began to release stress/tension/stuckness in the manner of rebirthing and trauma releasing exercises.

After my body quieted down, I felt sadness arise in my heart chakra. I cried, and Bo asked me about my relationship with my parents, who died in 1984 and 1997 (but of course one’s relationship with parents doesn’t end with death). I opened my heart to them, forgave them, embraced them, kissed them…

A couple of hours later, in a moment of quiet stillness, I noticed a new space in my heart center, an openness that wasn’t there before.

Thanks, Bo. I’m grateful for you. And heads up, you are teaching me.

How not working ain’t what I thought it would be

Stress is the perversion of time. ~ John O’Donohue

Since leaving full-time employment at the beginning of December, I’ve struggled with how to structure my days. This is the first post on how that’s going for me.

Every full-time employee dreams of being able to call her time her own rather than trying to squeeze her life into and around the 40-hour, Monday through Friday workweek.

When I was working, I dreamed of owning my time, of getting up when my body was ready to get up instead of when the alarm woke me. I dreamed of doing yoga and meditation each morning before a leisurely breakfast and then working productively on my writing, meeting friends for lunch, going for walks, taking or teaching the occasional yoga class, taking my laptop to a coffeehouse for a chai and wi-fi just to get out of the house. In the evenings I’d read or watch movies, cook, have friends over, and occasionally go out.

Well. That was the ideal, not what was real. It’s been more of a struggle than I anticipated.

I had just put my house on the market before leaving my job, so I’d already done a lot of downsizing and cleaning. My goal was to get the house listed by the end of November, which happened. Yay, I reached my goal!

But to reach it, I had stuffed a large pile of papers (mail, bills, receipts, papers I had no idea what to do with but couldn’t just recycle) into a cardboard box and stuck it on a shelf in my study to make the house look tidy for prospective buyers.

(I feel compelled to explain that I am messy by nature. I like being able to see things, having them out in full view. Staging is the antithesis of that. You make your house look impersonal. You take down all your photos and get rid of your clutter. You start living in a house that doesn’t feel like your house. It feels like somebody else’s house — somebody who lives in a magazine.)

It took a few days to get around to that box of papers after my job ended. The first weekend I spent as an assistant at NLP training. The second weekend I participated in an Evolutionary NLP workshop. In between, I’m happy to say, I did get that pile of papers sorted and filed.

And there was the excitement of being contacted about possibly being on a TV show, Sell This House. Ultimately, my house wasn’t chosen, and I don’t know whether to feel sorry or relieved about that. All this during December, with holiday events and parties and activities galore.

For Sale

The other thing that brought my dream schedule down to earth was showing the house. Realtors would call about showing it to prospective buyers either later that day or the next, and I would need to clean up and leave, usually right before they arrived.

I’ve got this down to a quick routine 5 weeks later, but it took awhile to learn to tidy one room at a time.

  • In the kitchen, wash the dishes, dry them, and put them away. Then clean the sinks, countertops, and stove top. Eyeball the room for anything out of place.
  • Take my caddy of toiletries out of my small bathroom and hide it in the laundry room. (This is so people can imagine their stuff in my bathroom!) Eyeball the room for anything out of place.
  • Shove my desktop-type clutter of calendars and bills and receipts and magazines into a basket and stick it on the shelf in my study. (See, I learned well and upgraded from a box to a basket!) Eyeball the room for anything out of place.
  • Check that my bed is neatly made and dirty clothes in the basket, preferably not with my underwear on top. Eyeball the room for anything out of place.
  • In the yoga/meditation studio (formerly the second bedroom), roll up my yoga mat and put my foam roller away. Eyeball the room for anything out of place — except I decided that people need to see that yoga mat and foam roller out and being used. Seeing these items out makes them (that is, me) feel good.
  • Make sure the house smells nice. Clean the cat’s litter box and sweep up around it. Take out the trash and recycling. Upend the fragrance sticks in the entry hall to diffuse the aroma.
  • Eyeball the entire house, porch, and yard for anything out of place.
  • Leave. Don’t come back for at least an hour.

Sometimes there are two or even three showings a day. I’ve done so much housekeeping in the last five weeks, I could become a maid.

The truth is, I appreciate my new habits very much. I enjoy living in a clean, tidy, spacious, decluttered house. It feels very Zen.

And now it’s January 8, and I still haven’t settled into the kind of structure I imagined. I go to bed later and get up later. When I do get up, why, sometimes I get sucked right into my laptop (Facebook, email, and blog stats are like crack) before I’ve done any yoga or meditation, and the next thing I know, it’s 10 am and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. And then a realtor calls and wants to show it at 11….

I want to do better than this.

Finding your strengths = following your bliss

Since January is usually a time when people think about the coming year and what they’d like to change in their lives (or what they’d like to be experiencing by the end of this year), it seems like the perfect month to write about finding your strengths.

First, an aside about strategies to enjoy life and be successful. Some of us have learned that we need to develop our weaknesses in order to be successful.

You should be more whatever.

How do you feel when someone says that to you? What is presupposed here?

Now try this on:

Wow, you are really great at whatever!

How do you feel? What’s the difference?  Which statement is more motivating? Inspiring?

On the whole, it is more joyful and productive to build on your strengths. People who do what they’re good at and like doing are more engaged in their work and have a higher quality of life.

Last year I learned about a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. This book is a Wall Street Journal bestseller, but it has wide applications, not just business.

By the way, only buy the book new, not used, for reasons given below. It’s currently $10.61 on Amazon.com. Click the link above to view and order. The full retail price is $24.95.

Background in brief: For 40 years, the Gallup Poll people have studied human strengths. A couple of guys narrowed them down to 34 different strengths and developed an assessment to help people find their strengths. That’s the basis of Strengths Finder 2.0.

A new copy of the book has an access code at the back to take the assessment online. I took it and received a summary that lists my top five strengths in order, applications for each strength, and quotes from real people who share my top five strengths.

These are my top five strengths in order:

  1. Maximizer (by the way, this book appeals to Maximizers )
  2. Adaptability
  3. Relator
  4. Activator
  5. Futuristic

One note: On some of the questions, I felt that I might answer one way today, a different way tomorrow. I pretty much sped through it, which is encouraged. It would be interesting to take the assessment once a year for several years to see how much my top five strengths change or remain the same.

Now a little about my strengths:

  • Maximizer means I measure myself by excellence. I polish the pearl until it shines. Others see me as discriminating. I’m attracted to people who have found and cultivated their strengths [and who want to find and cultivate them].
  • Adaptability means I live in the present. The future isn’t fixed but a place I create out of choices I make now. I don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours for long — I expect them and at some level look forward to them.
  • Relator means I’m attracted to people I already know and want to get to know them better. I don’t shy away from new people, but I do get a lot of pleasure from being around my friends. If you don’t know me, don’t let this scare you. Every friend was once a stranger who came into my life.
  • Activator is about doing. Only action makes things happen. Once a decision is made, I cannot not act. I believe that action is the best device for learning. I put myself out there and take the next step.
  • Futuristic is about seeing possibilities, which pulls me forward. I am fascinated by the direction of energy from the past through the present into the future. Futuristic initially seemed to conflict with Adaptability, but I think having these two in my top five strengths as well as Activator means I like manifesting, actualizing, realizing.

Based on these five strengths, my mission statement is:

I am passionate about manifesting excellence with my friends.

I like it!