Category Archives: happiness

How to live a more satisfying life

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The best first step towards changing the way things are is to fully accept the way things are.

Michael Giles has written a book called Action of Mind: Essential Steps Toward a Satisfying Life. Neatly divided into three sections — Open Mind, Focused Mind, and Big Mind — the book offers chapters on topics like intent, stillness, setting and achieving satisfying goals, the unknown, and your purpose.

He acknowledges that reading the middle section (Focused Mind) will help readers understand better how to achieve specific goals they’ve set for themselves, yet he recommends reading the first section (Open Mind) first to get better results by being grounded in the present moment. The third section asks hard questions and deals with some of life’s difficult-to-accept realities.

I’ve known Michael for the past several years. I met him through NLP. Michael is a master practitioner of NLP and a hypnotist (a term he prefers over hypnotherapist) and coach for the last 13 years. Now he’s a working graduate student in the field of social work, an active member of the Texas National Guard, and father of Reyna, with another child on the way. He’s worked hard on creating his own satisfying life, and in this book, he shares his wisdom.

I’ve known Michael also as a long-time practitioner of martial arts. Michael started studying karate at age 12 and holds multiple black belts. Familiar with the Taoism and Buddhism, he  practices and teaches tai chi. These practices, and meditation, have greatly influenced Michael’s perceptiveness, intelligence, and response-ability, which show up in his book.

Michael draws on NLP, hypnosis, martial arts, his own personal history, and story-telling to share his insights and exercises for living a more satisfying life. Here are some excerpts from his book, little nuggets that hint at the wisdom that follows, written in a style that suggests a coach talking directly to a client:

Nothing will guide you as wisely and creatively as your shadow. Your deepest feelings of hurt, fear, or doubt can serve you when you sit with them.

Visualization can be a very helpful element of hypnosis, self-development, or just getting over that threshold into the success that you want. In my experience, it is good to see yourself doing what you want to do and being what you want to be. I have found that affirmations are most helpful for receiving and achieving while visualization is most helpful in the doing and the being.

Whenever a problem is solved, it is because we have received a gift from the unknown. A more prosaic way of stating this is that solutions are pieces of information that we were ignorant of until we found them. If we know the solution to a problem already, then the problem is not really a problem. It is only a problem while we do not know the solution. It travels from the category of “unknown” to the category of “known.” Therefore, the unknown is the source of all our problem solving, positive change, and personal evolution.

Michael has done a great job of communicating his insights and teaching readers about something that really matters to all of us, living a life that is satisfying.

Brainwave optimization follow-up, two years later

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I received a phone call yesterday from someone who had read my original post about receiving brainwave optimization. Barbara in Houston was considering it. She’d read this blog and wanted to hear some follow-up. We had a nice long conversation, and I felt inspired by her courage.

This month marks two years since I underwent brainwave optimization — five days of twice-daily sessions designed to help my brain function better using biofeedback.

I have no regrets about doing it. I’m glad I took that leap of faith.

Of course it’s impossible to say how I might be different had I not received it. It’s also impossible to separate the BWO from the meditation, diet, yoga, and other work I’ve done. (I still think BWO is probably the equivalent of five years of daily meditation.)

What I can say is that when I compare how I experience myself now and how I experienced myself then, now is better. I feel more myself — I occupy my body and my life more fully and with more pleasure and serenity and depth and wholeness than I did before. I make better decisions. I am happier.

One of my reasons for doing it was that I had experienced trauma in my childhood that plagued me with ill effects for decades. Facing the trauma, healing and integrating it were turning points toward health in my life. I wanted to see if brainwave optimization could relieve me from any more dysfunctional patterns that might remain.

Last year, a year after undergoing BWO, I did get triggered by someone who didn’t recognize the extent of his own traumatic experiences and was unable to communicate responsibly about it. I experienced the flood of stress hormones and adrenal exhaustion that went along with being triggered.

The useful part of that experience was being able to witness how those stress hormones affected my thinking. I got a clear sense of what I’m like unaffected by trauma and what I’m like after being triggered. Day and night. Equanimity vs. fear and anger. Sunshine and butterflies vs. creepy shadows with hidden monsters.

The unpleasant part was that it took months to completely clear the effects of the cascade of stress hormones and return to robust, excellent well-being. During this time, I forgot that I could have gotten follow-up sessions of brainwave optimization, which are much less expensive than the initial assessment and 10 sessions.

In hindsight, it would have been really smart of me to experience just enough of being triggered to learn its lessons and then to shorten my suffering by going in for some follow-up work. I don’t know if it would have worked, but I believe that it would have made a difference, because when you make an effort on behalf of your own well-being, that commitment to action makes a big difference and amplifies the measures you choose to take. 

I regret now that it did not occur to me to do that.

It’s clear to me now that undergoing BWO does not give someone who’s experienced trauma a bulletproof vest against being further traumatized or being triggered. It does give you more resilience, because experiencing wholeness is so desirable. The brain is aware of its own well-being and likes it and will return to it as soon as it can. That’s a big part of how BWO works, in my understanding.

If you’re not sure your brain has experienced well-being because of past trauma, or if it’s been so long it’s hard to remember what well-being was like, I recommend getting brainwave optimization. It can’t hurt, and if it doesn’t help in the way you think it might, then at the least you’ve ruled something out on your path to recovery. You have not left that stone unturned.

And it might help in ways you haven’t thought of, so please be open to that. It’s hard to describe well-being if you’ve never experienced it. It’s hard to know what to expect before you do it.

Also, the brainwave changes keep happening for a long time after you finish the treatments. Hold your story lightly and keep a journal. I have been told by people who’ve known me for awhile that I’ve changed for the better more than anyone they know.

I also take the Buddha’s Brain supplements to support my post-BWO brain health, and I recommend that.

What does being healthy mean to you?

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Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. ~World Health Organization, 1948

Words are important. They influence our thinking greatly, and therefore our behavior. I recently ran across this decades-old definition of health. It made an impression.

How do you characterize health? As “something is wrong” or as “something is right”? As something you move toward or away from?

As an experiment in the power of words, let’s take apart the statement above.

First, say to yourself, “Health is the absence of disease or infirmity.” What does that mean to you? How does it resonate?

To me, it means that as long as I don’t have a disease (that is, anything “wrong” with me, like cancer, chicken pox, an infection) or an infirmity (like being feeble or frail), then I am healthy.

Notice that the statement focuses on physical health. So as long as I avoid getting sick or infirm, I am healthy.

(You may also realize how much of the “health care system” is set up using this model. You go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong with you.)

Now say to yourself, “Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being.” Think about what that means to you.

What would it be like to have complete physical well-being? I imagine waking up each day completely refreshed from a good night’s sleep, feeling able-bodied, with a robust immune system working for me, and having stamina to spare as I go about my daily life. I imagine feeling vibrant, full of vitality, glowing with health.

I imagine eating healthily, getting regular massages, and exercising to maintain and improve my physical well-being.

How about complete mental well-being? What would that be like? Well, I think I would feel good about myself and others most of the time. I would acknowledge disappointments and disturbances, feel the pain, and let go of it, learning whatever I can from the experience.

I would sort whether information coming my way was true or useful, so I wouldn’t be a sucker for the latest buzz in my ears.

I would use both hemispheres of my brain, employing reason and intuition as needed.

I would make it a habit to develop my mental capabilities. Lifelong learning keeps your mind healthy.

Now, what about complete social well-being? What does that look/sound/feel like to you?

In my opinion, it would mean being centered in my own being, having good boundaries with others, and not needing drama in my relationships.

It would mean being open to others while trusting my own inner radar about what is true and good.

It would mean forgiving others but not being a doormat, allowing myself and others to be vulnerable, being trustworthy with good judgment about others’ trustworthiness, being accountable and expecting others to be accountable as well.

It would mean learning and growing from all my relationships.

I like the well-being definition (of course I do, look at the name of my blog!). It has a direction of “moving toward” rather than “avoiding,” which the absence definition does.

The well-being definition brings up a companion question:

How can I be healthier, physically, mentally, and socially?

And it’s that question that is constantly with me. Yes, of course, sometimes I rest, and sometimes I fall asleep, yet the inquiring has become a habit.

Mild green smoothie has only 5 ingredients

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Usually when I make green drinks, I add a lot of ingredients. Besides a base of coconut water, I add several green veggies like celery, cucumber, kale and/or chard and/or spinach and/or parsley, garlic and/or ginger for bite and medicine, lemon or grapefruit juice, and a bunch of extras, like hemp seeds, chia seeds, flax seeds, maca, turmeric, spirulina.

Today I decided to simplify. I poured about 10 oz. of coconut water into the blender and added a thumb-size chopped chunk of peeled ginger, the juice of 1 small lemon, a small avocado, and 1 bunch of spinach. Five ingredients, blended after each addition.

It tastes mildly sweet, with just a bare hint of bite from the lemon and ginger. I think this is a green drink that everyone might like. No strong taste, and the texture is very smooth, thanks to the avocado. It’s thick enough to make the straw stand up.

No need to add fruit to make it palatable. I notice that juice bars often add bananas or apple juice to their drinks. I imagine this is in order to please the sweetness-skewed tastebuds of people accustomed to the Standard American Diet.

I don’t have anything against fruit. It’s got a lot of great nutritional benefits. But sugar is sugar, no matter the source. I’m cutting way down on it, especially the really sweet fruits, and I feel better, more stable, for it.

I have had cravings, though. I think sugar has an addictive quality.

Just part of my food evolution….

Massage outcalls

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I do outcalls only for established clients with whom I feel comfortable who have a massage table set up in their homes. There’s a fee for my travel time, usually $25 in the Austin area.

Having a massage therapist come to your home is a great luxury. You can really savor the refreshment and relaxation after your massage without having to deal with the stress of driving. You can relax in your own home, prolonging the benefit.

One great way to take advantage of this service is to schedule 2-4 people (household members, friends, relations) to receive consecutive massages, splitting the travel fee.

At this time, I am only offering integrative massage on outcalls.

If you’re interested but don’t yet have a table, you can buy massage tables in person at the Morningstar Trading Company in Austin or online from many places.

To return to the home page for The Well Ashiatsu Barefoot Massage Austin, click here.

What clients say about integrative massage

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One recipient of an integrative massage (which combines Swedish massage, Lauterstein deep massage, acupressure points, foot reflexology, body mobilization techniques, muscle testing, stretching, trigger point therapy, and craniosacral work, as needed and desired) wrote afterwards:

Just a note to say I really enjoyed our conversation and my massage. The massage you gave me has allowed me to sleep soundly two nights in a row. My stress level also feels much lower than usual. Thank you for enhancing my life with your friendship and magical/healing massages! Sending happiness & blessings & love your way.

Here’s a testimonial for an integrative massage I gave to a dear friend suffering from insomnia.

I sit here at my computer after the best night’s sleep I’ve had in weeks. I am so deeply grateful for your loving energy yesterday. Your integrity, touch, and presence were exactly what I needed to break open the clogged dam of emotions that’s been keeping me from sleep.

All throughout the massage, I could feel and take in your love and healing energy which is abundantly transferred through your hands. When you said ‘How you feel matters,’ my soul got the message that you cared enough to hear, see, and touch me.

When you did the cranial-sacral hold, I felt like I was being cradled by my mother.

You had asked the question, “What happened three weeks ago?” … My insomnia has been “waking me up” to the fact of unfinished business….

Your work allowed me to dive through the opening and swim the turbulent waters on top of a still well. I’m not quite at the still well yet, but I have faith that I’ll get there.

Another client wrote to say:

MaryAnn has a special gift to connect with you and gently nurture your entire being. She is unique in that she offers unconditional love so freely. I highly recommend her massage therapy. ❤

For more about The Well Ashiatsu Barefoot Massage Austin, see my home page.

Make your own laundry soap for fresh smelling clothes and linens!

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I did, and I absolutely love the way my massage table linens and my clothes smell!

It started when my daughter told me she was making her own laundry detergent. I was not happy with the expensive  “natural” detergent I was using on my massage sheets. I’ve smelled old massage sheets that have a rancid smell from the oils and creams used that didn’t quite get washed out. My massage sheets are an investment (100% organic cotton), and I want them to feel and smell clean and fresh for a long time.

She gave me the recipe she used. I tinkered a little with it and am very satisfied with the results. If you’re interested in making your own, you can save money, get better results, and be kinder to the environment.

Supplies you’ll need:

  • a large mixing bowl
  • a measuring cup
  • rubber gloves
  • an airtight container

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups washing soda (found in the grocery store on the laundry supplies aisle)
  • 2 cups Borax (ditto)
  • 2 cups baking soda (on the baking supplies aisle)
  • 1-3/4ths cup white vinegar
  • 1/2 cup liquid castile soap (I used Dr. Bronner’s; you can choose a scent)

Add the powders to the mixing bowl and mix well. Put the gloves on and break up any lumps.

Add the liquids. Remember, baking soda plus vinegar are how you make volcanoes erupt for 4th grade science projects! It will fizz up, so add it slowly.

Wearing rubber gloves, start mixing it by hand, breaking up lumps. The mixture gets warmer. The texture becomes like Play-Doh. Keep kneading, and it becomes crumbly. Keep kneading and breaking up the lumps until it is mostly powder. It’s okay if a few small lumps remain — they’ll dissolve in the wash. This should take about 10 minutes.

Put it in an airtight container. I like using a Ziploc bag.

When I’m ready to wash a load, I simply add 1/4th cup of this homemade detergent to the water, and my laundry comes out sparkling clean and smelling wonderful!

(Shortcut: On January 9, 2014, I mixed up a batch. For some reason, after kneading it for 12 minutes, it didn’t become powdery. Temperature? Humidity? Age of ingredients? I don’t know. I measured 1/4th cup of the mixture and rolled it into a ball. I made 32 more “soap balls” to match, let them sit on my counter for a couple of hours to dry, and stored them in a Ziploc bag. When I need to wash a load, I simply crumble a soap ball into the water.)

This recipe makes enough detergent to do 33 loads of laundry.

Here are the pre-tax costs of ingredients, as of March 7, 2013, rounded up to the nearest cent (using my best math abilities; let me know if I miscalculated, please). Note that I bought larger amounts of ingredients to save money.

  • Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda, $3.24 for 55 oz. = $.06 per oz. x 16 oz. = $.96
  • 20 Mule Team Borax, $3.38 for 76 oz. = $.05 per oz. x 16 oz. = $.80
  • Store-brand baking soda, $2.12 for 64 oz. = $.03 per oz. x 16 oz. = $.48
  • Store-brand white vinegar, $2.82 for 128 oz. = $.02 per oz. x 14 oz. = $.28
  • Dr. Bronner’s castile soap, $43.19 for 128 oz. (Amazon.com) = $.34 x 4 oz. = $1.35

The total cost to make this recipe is $3.87, which breaks down to about 12 cents per load. I don’t know how that compares to commercial laundry detergents, but it seems very reasonable to me, given how fresh my massage sheets and clothing smell and knowing it’s natural and not harmful to the earth.

 

Fresh magic and massage

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My day today was wonderful, after a long phone chat with a friend last night and also finding and releasing trigger points in my neck. I started today with more freedom of movement than I’ve had in a long time and also had gotten to a pretty good place about something that had been troubling me after talking to my friend, whose friendship and listening skills and point of view I value so much.

I had an outcall massage with one of my favorite clients. I know and trust him, he’s willing to pay my travel fee, and he’s got a table set up in his home, which makes it work. It’s a nice change of pace for me.

I appreciate him very much, too. He asked me if I would do chair massage on his martial arts group last summer after I got my license. I didn’t have a chair or know how, but he paid for my massage chair and let me pay him back in trade. I learned chair massage, and they liked it. I’ll do it again.

He’s given me referrals and bought a package of massages.

He loves outcalls so he can stay relaxed after massage and not have to get in his truck and drive. That is ideal. I firmly believe in enjoying the post-massage state as long as you can!

I’ve worked on him 6 or 7 times now. Today for the first time, I brought music (I’m enamored of Brian Eno’s Music for Airports right now) and released some trigger points that had been bothering him before proceeding with the Swedish massage.

One thing that makes working on him such a pleasure is that he is so responsive. He really relaxes! He may fall into delta (sleep) at times, which I hear from his breathing, and he also spends a lot of the time in deep alpha and theta wave states, relaxed and hypnagogic. He just knows how to get the most out of the experience. When a client goes into these deeply relaxed states, it affects me. I can feel an expansiveness in my energy body as I work.

After I left his house, I went to the Daily Juice Cafe, a favorite eatery of mine. I sat outside on this unbelievable 81 degree January day, soaking up as much sun as I could. Couldn’t find my phone and realized I’d left it at my client’s. After eating, I drove back, knocked, and he opened the door with a big smile, holding my phone, and we had another nice conversation.

Then errands and home, driving with the car windows rolled down!

I read and took a little nap. I started making a lamb curry and needed to make a grocery run for ingredients. Stepped out of my trailer at late dusk and was stunned. The western sky was still glowing pink, and a near-full moon was shining bright white light in the east. The air was almost completely still and alive feeling. The temperature felt perfect.

I felt like I had stepped into a universe full of fresh magic.

New Year blessings for you from The Well

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May you breathe fully and easily.

May you fully inhabit your body with your awareness.

May you discern the difference between stress and relaxation.

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May you experience more and deeper relaxation.

May you experience just enough stress to keep you aware and safe.

May you delight in exploring how good you can feel.

 

May the relation between your diet and well-being become clear.

May the relation between your conscious and unconscious minds become clear.

May you soften to yourself and others.

 

May you seek help when needed.

May you feel gratitude for all the resources you have.

May you move toward happiness.

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May you notice shine, wherever it appears.

May inspiration find you frequently.

May you have compassion for yourself and others.

 

May you set boundaries and manage conflicts with love.

May you experience breakthroughs in maturity and insight.

May you be present in every possible moment.

Leaning into 2013: how to make meditation a near-daily pleasure.

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I’ve been thinking a lot this December about what changes I’d like to make in 2013.

In the past, I usually didn’t think much about it at all, and when I did, my thoughts on the matter all took place in the last week of the year, after Christmas.

Unfortunately, my New Year resolutions were usually short-lived.

I’d like to change that. I’d like to become more disciplined, and I’d like to be realistic about what that means so I can actually make lasting changes in my life.

The problem is, I like to rebel against “the rules”, so when I set up strict rules for myself, I am setting myself up to break them. It’s counterproductive.

I spent a year meditating for 30 minutes nearly every day, and when that year was up, I rebelled and didn’t meditate every day any more. My sitting practice became sporadic.

I’d like to figure out a way to make meditation a pleasure.

One possibility: Instead of creating a rule to meditate for 30 minutes every day, I can meditate for at least 15 minutes 5 out of 7 days.

I like that flexibility. However, it still sounds like a chore. Why am I making meditation such a joyless task to be done somewhat regularly and checked off a list?

Looking at what keeps me from meditating: I often allow myself to get sucked into reading email and checking Facebook, my online massage booking site, Twitter, Tumblr, blog stats, and so on in the morning, and before I know it, it’s time to get ready for work, and I haven’t meditated.

And…if I don’t meditate in the morning, it usually doesn’t happen.

I don’t know why this is, except perhaps that it takes more effort to do nothing than you’d think, to tear myself away from my laptop and sit myself down on the cushion.

Once I start sitting, I actually love meditation. I love getting really present with myself, breathing, hearing, seeing (if my eyes are open), feeling my body, witnessing my thoughts, noticing my chakras open, experiencing the silent stillness that contains everything, even just feeling the little aches, pains, and tensions as I sit.

To experience this is a joy that keeps on giving throughout the day, somehow connecting me with resources that help me meet life with more equanimity and love, including self-love, than I could otherwise summon.

How can I make this a pleasure? It’s so much more rewarding than being online in terms of enhancing my well-being and the quality of my life, relationships, activities, decisions!

What if…I stay offline until I’ve meditated, and I make it my goal to meditate no longer than an hour, except when I really want to (and have time) to go longer? I can set the timer for an hour, end it then or when it seems complete, and be happy about it all.

Now we’re cooking!