Category Archives: spirit

Aimlessly wander

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Found this practice on Bindu Wiles’ blog, about the balance between structure and not:

Aimlessly Wander. This is a practice that is taught in the Shambhala Warrior training that I completed and is the idea of my teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Basically, you go outside with maybe some money or your debit card and maybe your iPhone set to Airport, or none of those things. You just go out. Maybe you take the train, maybe you drive, maybe you just walk. What you do, is you let yourself be pulled in any direction that you want, and you look at things and stop when you feel, and move again when you feel. You may find yourself inside a restaurant or sitting at a sidewalk cafe or you may never sit down, or you may sit on a bench for as long as you like. The whole time you are looking and noticing and letting yourself wander aimlessly. It can go on for hours. It’s done in a very relaxed state and you let your conceptual mind rest and go along for the direction and ride that your senses pull you in. It’s as if you were seeing everything for the first time.

Today, as I move, the contemplation of aimlessly wandering brings joy. Hope it brings joy to you too.

Recovering from a virus, recovering from adrenal exhaustion

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I awoke sick Saturday morning with a sore throat. I thought maybe it was strep throat. Drank lemon echinacea Throat Coat tea, sprayed a throat numbing liquid, and took two Alleves. Ate breakfast.

As the day progressed, I began to feel achy and chilled. Not much nasal congestion, and my throat became less sore, so it was probably not a cold. Pretty sure this was some type of influenza. The first battle of an invader with the immune system takes place in the tonsils, right? They fought hard, thank you very much, but were overpowered by a virus.

Sigh. Who knows how long this will last?

I did whatever I could think of to boost my immune system. I drank Tulsi tea, then made tea from fresh ginger steeped in hot filtered water and drank that. I ate a clove of garlic. (Slice thinly and swallow quickly, don’t chew.)

I did EFT three times. I did the thymus thump several times. I took three long naps. I had no appetite at all but stayed hydrated with the teas and water.

I finally remembered I owned a thermometer and took my temperature Saturday night. It was 102.2 degrees F.

That evening was the worst of it. I couldn’t lie still. Kept needing to flex and point my feet and circle my ankles, changing position often. Weird, huh? All I can figure out is that these movements were activating meridians (several of which begin or end at the feet) and moving lymph.

(Lymph is a fluid that contains infection-fighting white blood cells. The lymphatic system clears the toxins, waste, and other stuff  your body no longer needs. It’s a key part of the body’s immune system. Since the lymphatic system doesn’t have a pump, it works better when you take measures to help it circulate: by moving the body, dry-brushing, and lymphatic drainage, a type of light massage.)

I’ve learned in my studies of trauma recovery to allow the body to move as it needs to, unless it’s dangerous. So on with the foot movements.

Sunday morning I felt a bit better. Took my temperature twice that day, 99 in a.m., 100 in p.m. Aches and chills were gone, and my appetite came back somewhat later in the day, but my energy was low. I decided to stay home yesterday (Monday), believing that resting would speed my full recovery.

It seems I had a mini-virus, a two-day bout of illness. I have no idea if what I did shortened the duration of it, or if it would have been a 48-hour bug no matter what. You’d need a scientific experiment with a control group to determine that, and there could still be variables unaccounted for.

Still, it just feels better to know that I did what I could to strengthen my immune system.

Today (Tuesday) my temperature was normal. I went out and did a few things that couldn’t be postponed (I’m moving on Friday, after all), but I still feel weak and not quite back to myself.  I’m accustomed to feeling well and having a nice level of energy.

I have so much to do this week, it’s imperative that I recover quickly. I need to clean out my shed, get boxes, pack, and work three days this week. I need to get well. I made an acupuncture appointment because it helps.

~~~

Postscript, July 9, 2012. Hindsight is such a great teacher, bringing the gifts of perspective and insight.

When I look back on the time when I originally wrote this post a year and a half ago, I can see that I was stressed. I was selling my house, moving, and starting a new contract job. That’s when I got sick.

Stress weakens the immune system. If it goes on too long, you can suffer from adrenal depletion or exhaustion.

That happened to me this spring. I had just just studied for and passed the national certification exam for massage and bodywork, not exercising or resting enough, and I was stressing about money and work. A friend suddenly showed distinct signs of mental illness, which freaked me out. I experienced a fight-or-flight reaction, which means the adrenals are producing copious amounts of stress hormones that keep the sympathetic nervous system dominant.

I took different contract job at a technology company, working in a group that was experiencing a lot of chaos, with an hour-long commute. Much more stress and misery.

No wonder, when I saw my acupuncturist after the job ended, she told me I was suffering from adrenal exhaustion.

She advised me to take over-the-counter high quality rhodiola and eleuthero as directed on the bottles to recover from the adrenal exhaustion. I’ve been doing that for about a month now, and I feel much better. (These are also listed on my Products I Recommend page.)

As a massage therapist, I recommend frequent massage to help the body release stress and tension. A relaxing massage helps the nervous system begin to regulate itself again instead of being stuck in sympathetic mode, which helps you recover from stress more quickly and experience the deep relaxation (and strong immune system, better digestion, better sleep, stronger sex drive, more playful attitude) that occur when the parasympathetic nervous system comes back online. I also recommend Epsom salt baths for stress relief.

Related: See my post about preventing illness and recovering quickly.

Did Marianne Williamson and legions of angels help Egypt?

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Just came across a blog post by the spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson, dated Feb. 2, during the darkest days before the Egyptian people prevailed and dictator Hosni Mubarak stepped down.

Maybe she’s onto something!

February 2, 2011

IN THE LAND OF EGYPT

In a radio interview this morning I was asked if I have hope for the future… whether I think love will ultimately prevail on earth.

From a spiritual perspective, yes love will ultimately prevail. Buddha became enlightened; the Jews made it to the Promised Land; Jesus resurrected. All those are religious tales that inform us of the basic imprint of the universe. No story is over until the happy part, and if it’s not happy yet then the story isn’t over.

But that is only the beginning of a framework for understanding. We mustn’t let the phrase,”Love will ultimately prevail,” be a mere platitude that serves to justify complacency…either spiritual or political. For whether we learn to love one another through wisdom or through pain is completely up to us. How long it takes before love prevails is completely up to us. How much human suffering occurs before love prevails is completely up to us. Free will does not mean we get to determine what ultimately happens, but it does mean we get to determine what happens in the immediate future to us and to those we love.

When you have thousands of people acting out a high-emotion, high-stakes drama such as that which is occurring in Egypt today, almost anything can happen.

On the one hand, we are witnessing the purity and power of the quest for freedom. The demand for basic human rights, the repudiation of a dictator, and the protest of an economic order in which 40 per cent of one’s population lives on less than 2 dollars a day – all of this is a pure, democratic rising up of the human spirit. And if America doesn’t stand in support of those things, then we’ve completely lost our own moral center.

At the same time, this situation has gone from volatile to violent. Freedom is rising, but the forces of oppression are cracking down. Chaos overrides not only the impulse to freedom but also the impulse to basic human decency. Blood is spilling. People are dying. The situation has gone from liberating to tragic.

Right now, let’s pray for a miracle.

May a great wave of sanity and peace flood the minds and hearts not only of the protestors, but also the military and police and government. The phrase “may cooler heads prevail” comes to mind. May men and women of honor and good will within every corner of Egyptian society be listened to, and their words and ideas heeded. May thousands of small miracles that you and I will never ever know about quiet down a conversation over here, cause a peaceful solution to emerge in a neighborhood over there. May a general sense of peace and good will – something we’d seen almost miraculously on display at the beginning of the protests — return to the streets of Egypt.

Try closing your eyes and see, with your mind’s eye, legions of angels roaming through the streets of Cairo. Do this as frequently as you can throughout the day. It is no idle fantasy. This is the exercise of spiritual power, and in the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., such power is “more powerful than bullets.” Even when we are materially passive, he said, we can still be “spiritually active.”

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle means that as the observer changes, there is a change in that which is observed. Worldly news anchors report the news: miracle-workers help change the news by the nature of their thoughts. And the greatest medium of miracles is prayer. So today, let’s pray for Egypt.

Dear God, please pave a miraculous path for the people of Egypt, to peace and freedom and joy unending. Bless their hearts. Guide their minds. Illumine this moment. May love prevail. Amen.

I’m ready to visualize legions of angels roaming the streets of Tehran. And Washington, DC.

How about you?

The most abandoned TRE experience yet

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Wow. I just got up off the floor after the most abandoned TRE experience yet.

I wasn’t paying that much attention as I did the exercises. I’ve learned them pretty well by now and was doing them by rote. I actually was watching, and then just listening to, a crazy Werner Herzog video called Even Dwarves Started Small, which is in German (with English subtitles), and the cast — as far as I can tell — is entirely composed of dwarves. Boisterous, noisy, German-speaking, laughing, cackling, yelling dwarves.

Whew.

So the theme tonight was chaos, and chaos I got.

The real releasing started with the last step of Exercise 7, when I placed my feet flat on the floor. It started out with my usual leg shaking. Then pelvic rocking.

Then my left hand started quivering, then my left arm was shaking, then it was wildly flapping like a crazy bird! My left shoulder got involved and at times was pounding into the floor.

It just went on and on and on. Two separate times I went through wildly chaotic lengthy releases of my left shoulder and arm.

My whole body released in a way it hadn’t before. I was not only rocking vertically, but I began to roll horizontally as well! I had some big neck releases.

Tonight as soon as I slowed and one movement ended, another one started up elsewhere in my body.

My legs got wild again, knees slamming into each other.

Now, as I type this, my whole left arm feels different, buzzing with a kind of energy I don’t ever remember feeling there.

Left shoulder. What is that? I had a rotator cuff injury several years ago that didn’t go away until months later when I finally got treatment for it. Maybe living with that pain was trauma I stored, and even though my injury healed, my energy didn’t. And now, through these exercises, my energy body is healing itself.

Then again, I’ve had many issues that these exercises could be helping me recover from: birth injury to a sacral nerve, scoliosis, PTSD.

Who knows? It’s a mystery. We’re a mystery.

I just know it’s good to release tension.

And…it’s very sexual without being sexual at all. It’s pure tension release, with that same element of abandonment and surrender to the body’s processes that really good passionate sex has.

I have a feeling that doing these exercises for a couple of months may add passion to my sex life when I have a lover again!

I wonder if distracting my conscious mind with the crazy video helped my unconscious mind let go even more.

Hmm.

My left hand just wanted to do some more releasing.

Okay. That’s better.

Doing the trauma releasing exercises for the first time

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Monday night I taught the TRE exercises to someone who is interested and curious but who can’t afford to purchase the book or video at this time. I was happy to trade bodywork for a TRE teaching session. We did the exercises together.

I was reminded that the first time you do them, you really do not know what you’re getting into. You’ve heard or read about them, or seen them on a video, maybe even seen someone else do them in person, but you don’t know how your body is going to respond.

And frankly, seeing someone quivering on the floor looks … well, odd, and … awkward, and … hmm.

Is my body really going to do that?

Take my word for it. It will feel odd and awkward the first time. These exercises are like nothing you’ve ever done before — stressing your body to induce shaking and release tension? Huh? It seems counterintuitive.

You may or may not experience trembling the first time. You may have involuntary jerks. You may feel a very fine quiver. You may feel nothing at all.

The first time I did them, I had no quivering in Exercise 6, Step 1. In Exercise 6, Step 2, in the forward bend, I noticed that my pants legs were quivering ever so slightly.

I wouldn’t have known my legs were quivering if I hadn’t seen my pants moving!

I began to really release with bigger involuntary movements in Exercise 7, after raising my knees two inches the second time.

I want to reassure newbies to TRE that this releasing process is actually learnable. Even though it’s involuntary, you learn how to release control and surrender to the process by continuing to do the exercises.

This is where it’s really nice to do them in the company of others. You give each other permission to shake, rattle, and roll, quiver, tremble. The energy is contagious.

My opinion is that if you don’t tremble the first time, you are probably habitually holding tension in your muscles, and you really need to keep doing them!

If you’ve been chronically stressed, you may not remember what it’s like to release tension and really feel relaxed in your body. This will get you there, but it may take time.

Each person learns at his or her own pace. If you do these exercises and you don’t get full trembling or shaking, be patient. When you do each exercise, notice where in your body you feel it. Each exercise is designed to stress a particular set of muscles. Notice which muscles are feeling what. Usually at least one place on your body will call your attention to itself with each exercise. You will learn more body intelligence.

The other thing you can do, if you don’t tremble the first time, is to just play. Remember playing? Just lift your hand up and flap it around. Shake water off it. Wiggle your fingers. Circle from your wrist in each direction. Do the other hand. Now do both hands.

You can also push your heels into the floor to start your pelvis rocking. Push and release. You will feel this with your back and head.

While playing or rocking, you may feel an impulsive gush of “release energy” just take over, and before you know it, your legs are trembling on their own!

Whatever, do not worry that you’re not doing it right. It will happen when your mind and your body are ready.

The completion of our birth

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Today these words took my breath away, and I continue to be astonished at Stephen Levine’s truly gifted way with words to convey the heart of the matter.

Cloth, stones, wood, beads, seeds

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Cloth, stones, wood, beads, seeds

The end of gratitude!!!

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Not really. Made you look, didn’t I? Ha!

Today’s the last day of my 21-day gratitude challenge. Several others that I know of have participated in some way — thanks, Katie and Michael and Victoria, I appreciate your support — and I hope that others of you have been inspired to explore gratitude in your own lives.

Today I understand that gratitude is a powerful connecting force. It’s simply recognizing the interconnected nature of your life.

We truly are connected. We are interdependent. To not feel gratitude is to experience walls around your self. To feel gratitude is to let the walls down. We are one.

Remember, gratitude is a habitual bias that you can cultivate by consciously experiencing it. If you ever have a hard time feeling gratitude, think on this:

At this moment, the vast majority of human beings on this planet don’t have it nearly as good as you do.

Just recognize that you have comfort and freedom and connections beyond the imaginations of much of the world. You don’t have to feel guilty about that, either.

But you might want to do something, like at least have some compassion for the homeless, hungry, malnourished, ill, lonely, hurting, hating, suffering, dying people in this world. And these people aren’t necessarily in Third World countries, in case that image flashed into your mind. They are here among us. They are us.

And every single one of us, until we draw our last breath, has the capacity to grow up and wake up.

As Byron Katie said,

I’d say “bless your heart, sweetheart,” but I’m too late. You’re already blessed.

She also said,

Who would you be without your story?

What is the story that keeps you suffering? Can you consider just giving it up and opening to what actually is?

When I first posted about this challenge, I asked you to consider this, from Wikipedia:

A large body of recent work has suggested that people who are more grateful have higher levels of well-being.

Grateful people are happier, less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives and social relationships.

Grateful people also have higher levels of control of their environments, personal growth, purpose in life, and self-acceptance.

Grateful people have more positive ways of coping with the difficulties they experience in life, being more likely to seek support from other people, reinterpret and grow from the experience, and spend more time planning how to deal with the problem.

Grateful people also have fewer negative coping strategies and are less likely to try to avoid the problem, deny there is a problem, blame themselves, or cope through substance use.

Grateful people sleep better, and this seems to be because they think less negative and more positive thoughts just before going to sleep.

I’m closing this challenge with one more quote from Byron Katie. Consider this radical, revolutionary thought:

It all happens for your awakening, enlightenment, and joy. There is nothing that is not for us.

Love you!

~~~

Tomorrow is the first day of the Chronic Stress and Trauma Recovery Challenge! Accept the challenge, check in, contribute to the discussion, and support us by following!

A clear sign from the Universe. Flexibility. Freedom.

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I’ve reached day 20. The gratitude challenge ends tomorrow. Today I’m reviewing.

Here’s my parade of gratitudes so far, day by day:

  1. My cat Mango. My house. The internet.
  2. My daughter. Women friends. Gifted intuitive healers.
  3. My health. A car wreck. The best novel ever.
  4. Water falling from the sky. Mexican food. Saying no.
  5. Generosity. Root vegetables. An offer on my house.
  6. Doing this challenge. Imperfection. A day with my granddaughter, Hannah.
  7. NLP. Challenges. Resources.
  8. Asking for what you need. Seeking work. Integrative Chakra Breathwork.
  9. Options are the antidote to anxiety. Offers on my house. Work possibilities.
  10. The 4-Hour Body. Teaching yoga. Yes.
  11. Signing a contract on my house. Relationship challenges. Housewife on LSD video.
  12. Father and infant daughter. New watch. Pigeon pose.
  13. Meta position. The Metta Sutra. A good night’s sleep.
  14. Being a mad scientist. Having a wise realtor. Leaving home.
  15. Inner bigness. Jedi warrior Keith Fail. Awareness.
  16. Job interview. Insights. Shared dreams.
  17. My car. My house. My friends.
  18. The Work. Cat-moving advice. T-Mobile.
  19. Byron Katie. Life as it is. 5,000 blog views.

(By the way, as of this moment, this blog has gotten 5,019 views. Thank you again for reading, connecting energetically, commenting. I appreciate you.)

I see from this list a mix of specific gratitudes, for specific people, a video, a book, a company, a sutra, and more.

I also see broad areas of gratitude — insights, awareness, inner bigness, life as it is, no, yes.

Hmmm. I passed my own “chunk size” test! Yay! The object is not to be stuck in the details or in the big picture. It’s to have flexible perspective, to be able to see both the forest and the trees.

I am grateful to have the flexibility to zoom in and out on life with a measure of ease. I believe this skill is something I began developing since my very first day of NLP practitioner training several years ago. I hold the universe and an acorn in the palm of my hand. It helps tremendously with my equanimity — it helps me know I can be ready for anything. That confidence is priceless.

~~~

This 21-day challenge has coincided with selling my house. I had no offers on day 1, and now I have a contract and what looks like a pretty solid bet on closing February 18. Since I’ve often marked eras in my life by the home I was living in at the time, I am in transit, ending one era and beginning another.

It’s also coincided with a lot of attention to my work. On day 1, I was happily jobless, except for my joyous work as a yoga teacher and an NLP coach/change shaman offering free or low-priced sessions to get experience and build a reputation.

Meanwhile, my vision of my future work/identity keeps evolving. My plan had been to start as a full-time student at AOMA in July. I still love AOMA, and now I’m not so sure that becoming an acupuncturist is right for me. Nowadays it is hard to build a full-time practice in Austin, which has two acupuncture schools. I have time to get clear on this.

I believe I could become an exceptional acupuncturist, as long as I can practice “everything else” alongside it. But for me, maybe “everything else” is more to the point. I’m still working on this.

I’m considering getting other training, which may include classwork at AOMA. I have a couple of key words to guide me: blockages and beliefs. These words are about working with the body and the mind, i.e., touching and talking, and came to me during this challenge. That’s the big picture. Maybe massage school is where I need to start, to get a license to touch.

I can do Reiki now, without a license. Thank you, Jonathan, for attuning me.

I can do the verbal changework now under the banner of a coach or consultant, or, my favorite, well-being shaman.

It’s all energy work.

In the practical realm, due to the uncertainties of when I would actually close on my house, and desiring to keep my technical writing skills marketable until I have fully made the transit to self-employment, I updated my resume one day and spent the next day responding to job postings and sending it to recruiters for contract work. I heard from a recruiter that day, had an interview a few days later, and received and accepted an offer the day after that.

Honestly, I didn’t know it would be that easy, and that it was has touched my heart. Thank you, Universe, for showing my humble self that I’m on the right track. I hope to be doing contract work over the next couple of years to pay the bills as I get the training I need.

~~~

I’m incredibly grateful for the freedom I have. Especially when I compare myself to so many people in the world who can’t live where they want or do the work that they want, to people who feel trapped. (Actually, these are the people I want to work with.)

I can sell my house and buy a trailer!

I can quit a “permanent” job and do contract work to pay the bills and keep my skills marketable and have an adventure!

I can teach yoga and offer NLP/changework sessions and do The Work!

I can explore my desired life work and how best to learn and do that!

I can literally change my mind!

I am incredibly lucky and grateful that my life gives me these choices.

The wit and wisdom of Byron Katie: I’d say “bless your heart, sweetheart,” but it’s too late. You’re already blessed.

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I attended a weekend workshop with Byron Katie. Friday night I didn’t write down anything she said. On Saturday I did.

Here are the sayings I was moved to write down:

I need everything I’ve ever experienced

Velcro!

Mind has to compare to create jealousy.

living out of the “don’t know” mind

My mind got clear, and Haagen-Dazs quit me.

Everyone is a saint.

The mind seeks identification.

Drop the “I guess.” Drop the “I think.” Drop the “we.”

There’s only three kinds of business: yours, mine, and God’s. (I don’t think this is original, but she used it and I like it.)

Our true nature is pure love.

What you believe about anything is what hurts you.

It all happens for your awakening, enlightenment, and joy. There is nothing that is not for us.

We’re born of the “I”, not of the mother’s womb.

The personality is the ego.

The world is a projection of your own mind. It’s your world.

I’m always on time. People don’t agree with me, but I’m always on time.

Enlightenment means there’s no mind at all.

Oh, the mind wants to jump in with its defenses and justifications.

You’ve got this computer running with past and future, and you believe this “I”.

Be co-dependent at home. There’s one person to talk to and listen to: you.

If I could hold you in my arms the rest of my life, I would, but I’d have to go to the toilet sooner or later, or you would.

If my husband told me he’d met someone else, I’d really want to meet her. Because she’d have to be pretty fantastic for him to be attracted to her! And then I’d ask for half the money. And if he said no, I’d let him have it and make my own money.

I’d say “bless your heart, sweetheart,” but it’s too late. You’re already blessed.

Blindness is a state of mind. It’s not physical.

The mind believes the images. It creates images to make me an authority.

It’s about meditation, silence, stillness, and contemplation.