Category Archives: healing

When obstacles become challenges

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When I was in my 40s, I was diagnosed with PTSD. It was news to me, but as I learned more about it from my therapist and reading books (notably Waking the Tiger by Peter A. Levine), it was a no-brainer. Of course I had PTSD.

My family had suffered the tragic, violent loss of my charming younger sister when I was a child. In those days, PTSD did not exist as a diagnosis. The prevailing attitude was “just get on with your life”. There were no psychologists in the schools, and no one suggested counseling. 

And yet, my experiences in the days surrounding her death wired some neurons together in my brain that affected me in the ensuing years. I sometimes reacted in ways that I didn’t understand. My self-esteem was low. I was hypervigilant, depressed, grieving, and tense. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet, and there was no longer anything solid to stand on. I lost my sense of being safe in the world. 

Any kind of traumatic event like that is an obstacle in life. When I was young, it seemed insurmountable.

Getting the diagnosis was the beginning of my trauma recovery. Even though part of me really did not want to revisit that tragic time, my dreams were encouraging: finding a dusty playroom in my house that I didn’t know existed, seeing a stream of clear water running over a golden stream bed, swan-diving from a cliff into the sea to catch a fish with my bare hands to give to the king and queen.

I did a lot of processing for a couple of years, speaking with my brothers, former neighbors, and old family friends to get a broader understanding of those tragic days, to help put them in perspective. I had a timeline now, a narrative of what happened, whereas before, my memories were jumbled, with holes. 

I was wondering what was next in my life when a thought occurred to me: I’d had a stress disorder for decades, and…

I really wanted to experience what it was like to be relaxed, awake, and substance-free.

That was the real beginning of my trauma-recovery journey, when obstacle became challenge. I began exploring meditation and breathwork. I noticed my own state more. I studied NLP, worked on other health issues, got craniosacral therapy and acupuncture, and decided to go into bodywork. 

I experienced a few trauma reactivations, where I was convinced I was in imminent danger and my body responded by flooding me with stress hormones, which was not pleasant and made me isolate myself until it passed, as much as possible. 

But I learned from experience that when I started to go into that state, I needed to check whether I was actually safe and my mind was just playing tricks on me. That’s always been the case, so far. I could use breathwork, grounding, and presence (feeling my feet on the ground) to counter it.

This was not the life I had planned to have, but it’s turning out to be even better. I’ve become more myself. 

Craniosacral Biodynamics training in Austin, Texas

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I am working with one of the most experienced teachers of Craniosacral Biodynamics in North America, Roger Gilchrist, to offer a foundation training in Austin, starting in 2025. 

I completed his foundation training in Washington DC in 2023, because no training was available in Texas that I hadn’t already taken. 

(If you’re wondering, a foundation training consists of 10 four-day seminars spread out over 2.25 years. It meets the requirements of the Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy Association of North America.)

Roger is a master teacher who has taught many students around the U.S. and abroad. His team of teaching assistants are all RCST® certified teachers, which of course he is as well. 

Where we are now: 

I am gathering names and email addresses of those interested in doing such a training. The last foundation training offered in Austin ended in 2019, and from what I understand, Body Intelligence doesn’t plan to teach again in Austin. 

We are also looking for a suitable location for 16-24 students to do this training. Preferably it will be a massage school or acupuncture school — a place with classrooms and massage tables. 


If you’d like to add your name to my list, please email me at mareynolds27 @ gmail . com. 

If you want to know more about Roger, go to https://wellnessinstitute.net. 

If you want to know more about BCTA/NA, go to https://www.craniosacraltherapy.org.

If you’d like to experience a session, you can schedule with me at https://maryannreynolds.com. 

Recovering from PTSD

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Decades ago, I’d been told I had PTSD stemming from a tragic trauma that happened when I was a child, and I read up on it…enough to learn that there is no “cure”.

I found out, over time, that it’s not a life sentence.

I did a lot of processing of the trauma both with and without a therapist, recovering some forgotten memories, piecing together more about what happened way back then, talking to others who were there, having dreams that encouraged me to continuing investigating.

Experientially, I learned that I could be triggered — when something similar to my original traumatized state of shock and horror and overwhelm was reactivated, when a present-day event had some emotional resonance to an aspect of this long-ago trauma.

My whole self responded as if I was in acute danger in the present moment — when actually, I wasn’t.

The mind is powerful. Something like neurons firing together, wiring together happens with PTSD that causes this reactivation, in my understanding. It affects physiology. The present is hijacked by the past.

When triggered, I felt intense anxiety. My system became flooded with stress hormones.

I learned to ask myself if I was in actual danger. My mind deceived me. But it felt so real!

The first time after therapy that I was aware of being triggered, it took three months to fully recover. I isolated myself and focused on self-care. I still went to work, but I stayed home most of the rest of the time, seeking ways to soothe my nervous system, like listening to soothing music and guided meditations, journaling, practicing yoga and breathwork, taking Epsom salt baths, reading positive things, eating nourishing food, watching comedies, gardening, taking naps, taking supplements for adrenal fatigue.

After three months, I felt good enough to be more social again.

Each subsequent time I was triggered, I recovered more quickly. One month, then two weeks.

One night as I was falling asleep, I felt my nervous system slowly starting to go into a triggered state by some memory from the time of the traumatic event.

I pulled myself out of it by changing my focus to the safety and tranquility of the present moment before those stress hormones flooded my system.

My attention was on knowing I was safe at home in my bed, feeling the weight of my body pressing into the mattress, the warmth of being under the covers, the texture of the sheets, sleeping with my favorite pillow.

It took maybe 10 minutes.

Well done, MaryAnn. That was a major milestone in my recovery from PTSD.

I don’t know whether I’ll ever be triggered again, but I have a lot more resources now for preventing that full-blown download of stress hormones that make me feel like unfit company for anyone.

I’ve posted on this blog for nearly 14 years now, and trauma recovery was a major focus early on. I wrote about the trauma releasing exercises, shaking medicine, reading Waking the Tiger, Somatic Experiencing, and more.

I thought I would share my experience here in case it can help anyone trying to recover from PTSD. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you.

Deepening awareness of embodiment

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This past Saturday, I provided the “ofrenda” at the monthly gathering of women dancing the 5 Rhythms (Step Into Yes) in Austin, facilitated by Lisa DeLand (dancingfirelizards.com).

Lisa and I are old friends. We met at Sweat Your Prayers, an ecstatic dance, in 1995. We have similar paths of recovery from adverse childhood experiences, and now, having worked a lot with our selves, by ourselves and with the help of others, we are in the primes of our lives in terms of creating and offering paths to wholeness and wellness for those in search.

Our paths have some overlap. We both are acquainted with the vast amount of suffering in the world, including our own, and feel moved to offer paths that liberate us and those we work with from conditioning that limits us.

My ofrenda was called Bringing Us Home To Our Existence, and I had 20 minutes between waves of dancing to teach the 28 or so women present about their inner rhythms: breath, heartbeat, and tide.

Background: In late 2022, I began posting on Instagram daily — for 100 days — my experience of what I was then calling Biodynamic Meditation. I’d actually begun practicing it many years previously, in 2013, after I took my first class in Craniosacral Biodynamics and wanted to explore how the concepts of the breath of life, primary respiration, potency, and the tides actually manifested in my own embodied existence.

I sat and sat and noticed more and more. It helped to have some direction from my training, and I could go to my teacher, describe my experience, and have him verify whether I was on track.

That’s one way of learning.

I had planned to start teaching Biodynamic Meditation in 2023, and then I learned I was going to have to move from my home of 12 years, which disrupted my plans.

The move is complete. My foundation training in Craniosacral Biodynamics (and certification) is complete. I’m spending this year learning how best to teach Biodynamic Meditation, and I dipped into in-person teaching of a large group for the first time on Saturday. It was too brief, but they got a taste of it. My take is that some people (who all gathered primarily to dance) were not deeply interested, and others came up afterward and thanked me.

I’m now considering calling it meditation for self-healing, meditation for healing, meditation for health, or simply, how to make friends with your body.

If this is a topic you are interested in, I’d love to hear from you! I’m open to working with individuals, small groups, in person, and online.

The Neurobiology of Connection

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This is the name of a Substack I subscribe to. The writer, Natureza Gabriel, is releasing a book by this title chapter by chapter on Substack now, and the book itself will be published in April. You can preorder it.


To check it out for now on Substack, click this link for a free month: https://neurobiologyofconnection.substack.com?r=icpo. Tell ‘em I referred you.

This topic is fascinating to me. As a bodyworker, biodynamicist, and teacher of meditation for self-healing, I work with the autonomic nervous systems of my clients/friends in every session (how can I not?), mostly assisting them to move more deeply into a parasympathetic state where healing has more resources to happen — healing like tissue repair, better regulation of metabolic processes, better coordination of the body’s systems, reduction of pain and tension, more wholeness, and more.

People experience themselves differently after a session, and some of each session is cumulative. It lasts. Getting regular sessions changes the autonomic nervous system, reducing stress levels. People sense themselves as more whole, integrated, coherent, healthy. I experienced this myself and changed my livelihood to offer it to others.

When the body is in a more sympathetic state, it’s gearing up for action and doesn’t have resources for healing. And…many if not most people in our culture live in bodies that are more stressed than is healthy. Sometimes way more stressed. And that affects everything: health, relationships, performance, behavior, cognition, presence, intuition…

There are many more autonomic states than parasympathetic and sympathetic. It’s more of a spectrum or spiral than an either-or equation, as seen in the image of the book’s cover above of a poster of the autonomic spectrum. You can get these posters from Gabriel’s organization for your office: https://restorativepractices.com/product-category/posters/

I’m someone who years ago, after being diagnosed with PTSD and processing a major childhood trauma (that occurred before PTSD existed as a diagnosis), asked herself, “How relaxed can I get while awake and not using substances?”

As the antidote to having a “stress disorder” that’s conventionally considered incurable, I set off on a journey of meditation, movement practices, bodywork, NLP, shaking, Zen, vipassana, breathwork, stillness, perception, and craniosacral therapy. Then I trained in craniosacral therapy.

The writer Gabriel has trained in neurobiology and also with indigenous people who have maintained connections within themselves, each other, with the world around them that are not prevalent among people in today’s predominant capitalistic, technological cultures.

I’m familiar with some of these connection states as a long-time meditator and through exposure to shamanic/indigenous and Buddhist/yogic beliefs and practices.

Another book by this author is Restorative Practices of Wellbeing, which I just received and will soon be delving into. Find his books here: https://restorativepractices.com/product-category/books/ You can preorder The Neurobiology of Connection as well.

We make the world a better place starting with ourselves.

Keeping the aging body hydrated

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I’ve been a yogi for a long time, and also at various times, I’ve danced, biked, swum, kayaked, walked, hiked, worked with a trainer in a fitness studio, done tai chi and/or qi gong, Pilates… I’m sure there are some activities I’ve forgotten at the moment.

I love it when my body moves well, when I have full range of motion in all my joints and can move with fluidity and enough energy and strength to do these activities and get through my days with a minimum of discomfort.

I practiced the MELT Method at home, subscribing to MELT On Demand, for a while a few years ago. It gave me online access to hundreds of videos focusing on rehydrating my body parts using soft foam rollers and balls and stretchy bands.

Hydration. Rehydration. We are squishy beings. Infants are about 70 percent water, but it declines with age, to maybe 55 percent in the senior years, which is where I am now.

In other words, we kinda dry up with age, and this shows up as stiffness.

You know what? It is not inevitable! And it takes more than just consuming enough fluid.

You want those fluids to get into your soft tissues, into your muscles and fascia, bones and joints, tendons and ligaments.

You know how good you feel after you’ve received a full body massage? Well, the secret to that good feeling is the massage therapist gliding their hands with light or firm pressure on your skin. It redistributes your fluids, which relieves stiffness, aches, and pains.

The MELT Method is hands-OFF bodywork you can do by yourself, at home, with MELT equipment and videos. Sue Hitzmann, bodyworker and self-described gym rat, developed the MELT Method and continues to add to it.

Don’t underestimate Sue because she is in great shape, attractive, perky, and wears fashionable workout wear. She’s also disciplined and brainy. She has a master’s degree in exercise science from NYU. She’s participated in dissections of cadavers to learn more about fascia and belongs to the international Fascia Research Society. She’s worked with some big names in the field of fascia research: Tom Myers, Gil Hedley, Robert Scheip, Jean-Claude Guimberteau.

She is a somatic educator, bringing information and practices you can use to enhance your experience of well-being.

I stopped doing MELT for a while but just re-upped my subscription to MELT On Demand because I was feeling too stiff.

If this interests you, @MELTmethod is a YouTube channel with free material on MELT, no subscription needed.

Here Sue describes how she developed the MELT Method.

Here Sue describes the MELT Method in 3 minutes.

Here is a link to a 10-minute foot treatment. You can do this treatment on one foot and then notice the difference between each side of your body — the side you treated and the one you didn’t.

You’ll get a clear understanding of what rehydration does for you in a way that words simply can’t convey.

In some ways, it’s like reflexology. The sole of the foot maps to the entire body.

If you want to buy the MELT hand and foot therapy balls and just do that, it’s a great start. 10 minutes every day…no more morning stiffness.

As someone who sits still for long periods in my work as a biodynamic craniosacral therapist, I can’t recommend this enough. My work is oriented to fluids and energy in the body. I help my clients experience more ease in their bodies. If I could receive a session every day, I would!

MELT is the next best thing.

100 posts — and what’s next

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This is my 100th post on Biodynamic Meditation!

Just back from 4 days in Big Bend National Park, with the big sky, desert, mountains, river, hot springs, ravens, Mexican jays, javelinas, and numerous trails.

And most of all, quality time spent with my beloved 22-year-old granddaughter, Hannah.

And…it’s great to be back home, in my own bed, with comfort, solitude, and time to sit.

After over 3 months of daily meditations, when I start sitting, things start happening…perceptions of radiance at my face, the motions of the Tide, the vitality of my life force swirling within.

I remember when I started doing yoga (asanas) 40 years ago. At some point after my practice became habit, I realized I didn’t just DO yoga, I WAS (and still AM) yoga. It was in me.

Same now. I AM the radiance, the Tide, the swirliness, the health. It’s in me, and it’s in you too, and I can help you find it, if that is your desire.

So…I will continue my practice but won’t be posting so much about it. I will be reviewing my posts (I started on 11/11/22), exploring ways of teaching it, as one-to-one private sessions now, and later as a guided meditation/yoga nidra, for small groups, and whatever else emerges.

Thank you for checking out my posts on this inquiry. Please stay in touch! Links are in my Instagram bio.

#biodynamicmeditation #craniosacralbiodynamics #craniosacraltherapy #craniosacral #biodynamiccraniosacraltherapy #bcst #radianceatmyface #tide #swirliness #perception #love #vitality #lifeforce #teaching #practice

Biodynamic Meditation deepens resilience

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Most of my Biodynamic Meditation this morning was sensing big currents of energy moving within and through me.

At one point the energy condensed in my heart center and then released and swirled some more.

It felt pleasurable, like heart-love feels.

I was in high coherence 84 percent of the time. I’ve spent time with HeartMath in the past, then forgotten about it. Now I’m back, using a sensor during my sessions and training in The Resilient Heart to have more skill doing trauma-sensitive work with my clients.

I’m a trauma survivor myself. I believe most of us are, to some degree. Maybe all of us.

Who has not experienced overwhelm or shock? If you’re fortunate, you have enough resources in yourself and from others to recover. That’s resilience.

If the shock is deep enough, or repeated before you can recover, it can leave imprints in your system.

Recovering your resilience is possible. Biodynamic Meditation and Craniosacral Biodynamics are so helpful at increasing resilience, releasing trauma imprints, and assisting in trauma recovery.

I’ll be camping at Big Bend for the next few days. Will take notes on my meditations and post when I return.

I dreamed I was pregnant

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I dreamed that I was pregnant, and that I was preparing to go into labor with lots of support, even from people far away whom I didn’t know.

I am preparing to teach Biodynamic Meditation, and this is a good omen!

My Biodynamic Meditation this morning started with my posture, then breathing physiological sighs (sniff sniff ahhhh) until I yawned.

Radiance at my face. Then sensing the Tide ascending and descending my central energy channel.

Spacing out (heard the first mockingbird of the year singing outside — joy!).

Noticing the Tide had gotten swirly and was investigating various areas: abdomen, sacrum, throat without settling long anywhere.

I decided to pose a question to the healing energy: If you could find the most optimal place for healing in my system today, the place that’s most ready to heal, where would you go?

It settled in my spine in the mid-thoracic region and stayed there.

It was still there when my timer went off after 45 minutes, but it didn’t feel “done” so I waited 5 more minutes until it felt done.

Sometimes “done” is clearly done, and sometimes it’s “done for today”. I will find out which as the day progresses.

I have a slight reverse S curve in my spine, and this is a place where the vertebrae shift directions. I’ve been doing PT exercises for months to straighten my spine…

Yes, you can communicate with the healing energy. In my experience, it takes time to build energetic rapport with it, to develop trust and familiarity.

Even now, when I ask it a question, sometimes it doesn’t answer, and sometimes it consents…by simply doing.

It doesn’t speak English, but it understands intent.

It’s mysterious! So much more to learn! This communication comes after a lot of listening.

It might be Biodynamic Meditation 201 or 301. I’m focusing more on preparing to teach 101 now.

Cranial nods in afternoon session

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Today almost got away from me! Early phone call, early client, then lunch and shopping with my granddaughter, and heavy traffic on the way home.

Some days are like that! I notice that my morning energy is so much stronger than my late afternoon energy.

I had a few cranial nods in this session. Tide, radiance, a bit of swirliness.

Dancing tonight…gonna take a little nap!

Oh! I got my first 1:1 teaching session scheduled!!! More to come.

Photo by Linda Hunnicut. I’m liking this lichen!