Category Archives: story

Interested in enlightenment?

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Recently I listened twice to Martha Beck’s bestseller, The Way of Integrity: The Path to Your True Self, on my drives between my office in West Lake and my home in Wimberley, TX.

I’d recently seen Martha on a Huberman Lab podcast, remembered she used to write an advice column for O (the Oprah magazine), and generally had a good impression of her as funny and sharp and compassionate. I downloaded her book.

What compels me to write about it here is this: she discovered in Western literature a tale about a man’s path to enlightenment — another name for the way of integrity.

Before reading this book, everything I had read about enlightenment came out of Hindu and Buddhist traditions, which have their own cultural spins.

I’ve been interested in enlightenment since I first encountered the concept in my early twenties. Just the word — enlightenment — had a charge to it!

My understanding of it has evolved over time, from misunderstanding to mystery to moments.

I loved the book so much, I bought a paperback version, because the book includes exercises that I couldn’t do while driving.

The Way of Integrity draws on Dante’s Divine Comedy, published around 1320 AD in Italy, in which Dante (the main character as well as the author) finds himself lost in the woods, meets a guide (the ghost of the poet Virgil), and goes on a journey through hell (the inferno), purgatory, and paradise. It’s considered a great work of Western literature.

Beck believes that Dante, the writer, himself went through an enlightenment process. She refers to Dante’s journey while bringing it into context for us moderns by discussing the everyday lives of her life coaching clients, her friends, and her own path. Believe me, she did go through hell!

Martha reads the audio version herself. Her version of enlightenment is that it’s a path, we can deepen our integrity (wholeness), and it’s available. There are tasks and markers along the way.

Some of my current practices help me on the path, I’m sure: I do yoga, I meditate, and I practice craniosacral therapy, which is mostly practiced in an expanded state of awareness. These practices have made a difference…and there’s more to explore.

I’m going to read the paperback, do the exercises, and report back.

Also, I’m on BlueSky as “wellnessing” if you want to connect there.

Recovering from PTSD

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Decades ago, I’d been told I had PTSD stemming from a tragic trauma that happened when I was a child, and I read up on it…enough to learn that there is no “cure”.

I found out, over time, that it’s not a life sentence.

I did a lot of processing of the trauma both with and without a therapist, recovering some forgotten memories, piecing together more about what happened way back then, talking to others who were there, having dreams that encouraged me to continuing investigating.

Experientially, I learned that I could be triggered — when something similar to my original traumatized state of shock and horror and overwhelm was reactivated, when a present-day event had some emotional resonance to an aspect of this long-ago trauma.

My whole self responded as if I was in acute danger in the present moment — when actually, I wasn’t.

The mind is powerful. Something like neurons firing together, wiring together happens with PTSD that causes this reactivation, in my understanding. It affects physiology. The present is hijacked by the past.

When triggered, I felt intense anxiety. My system became flooded with stress hormones.

I learned to ask myself if I was in actual danger. My mind deceived me. But it felt so real!

The first time after therapy that I was aware of being triggered, it took three months to fully recover. I isolated myself and focused on self-care. I still went to work, but I stayed home most of the rest of the time, seeking ways to soothe my nervous system, like listening to soothing music and guided meditations, journaling, practicing yoga and breathwork, taking Epsom salt baths, reading positive things, eating nourishing food, watching comedies, gardening, taking naps, taking supplements for adrenal fatigue.

After three months, I felt good enough to be more social again.

Each subsequent time I was triggered, I recovered more quickly. One month, then two weeks.

One night as I was falling asleep, I felt my nervous system slowly starting to go into a triggered state by some memory from the time of the traumatic event.

I pulled myself out of it by changing my focus to the safety and tranquility of the present moment before those stress hormones flooded my system.

My attention was on knowing I was safe at home in my bed, feeling the weight of my body pressing into the mattress, the warmth of being under the covers, the texture of the sheets, sleeping with my favorite pillow.

It took maybe 10 minutes.

Well done, MaryAnn. That was a major milestone in my recovery from PTSD.

I don’t know whether I’ll ever be triggered again, but I have a lot more resources now for preventing that full-blown download of stress hormones that make me feel like unfit company for anyone.

I’ve posted on this blog for nearly 14 years now, and trauma recovery was a major focus early on. I wrote about the trauma releasing exercises, shaking medicine, reading Waking the Tiger, Somatic Experiencing, and more.

I thought I would share my experience here in case it can help anyone trying to recover from PTSD. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you.

Me at 7

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I lost my baby teeth a bit later than most children. I believe this was my second grade school photo. Looks like I am missing 3 upper front teeth — and the fourth one came out soon after this photo.

I like this kid! A lot!

One Day It Stopped

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Love in the time of the coronavirus

A Facebook friend posted this poem three days ago. Asenath Avinash is also a bodyworker. Her place of employment is currently closed, but if you love this as much as I do, you could ask for her when they reopen. http://www.workwellaustin.com/

It’s a good reflection of the shift in the narrative many of us are experiencing now.

And we looked around,
and we saw ourselves,
and it was so funny, so strange
to recognize, not the selves we had
built, but the ones that were buried
out in the long backyard of our lives,
forgotten, rusted, decomposing,
presumed lost, presumed even
never to have existed,
but there they were, just like the
canal-bottoms in Venice,
waiting for us, never having gone,
never having left,
and the miracle
was being able to see clearly
what was already there.

The miracle was how quickly
the pollution vanished,
and our eyes healed,
and we looked out on a world
that was fresh and different
and we saw that businesswomen
were really poets,
and that scientists were really prophets,
and that we were all vulnerable
and worth protecting,
and that toilet paper
was a kind of false security,
and that all our systems
needed a pause and
a fresh start
and that most of us
were really, very tired.

And we rested,
and our children wondered
what is happening right now?
and we couldn’t answer.
We weren’t supposed to
touch anything
or do any work
or go anywhere,
and it felt that we were
being shown something.

So we stayed at home, and
we mowed the tall grass
and listened to birds
and gave thanks
for the garbage collectors
and the grocery clerks,
and we organized our closets
and made pots of nutritious soup,
and the introverts
turned their cameras on
and taught us
how to make crafts,
and the musicians
picked up their instruments
and walked out
their front doors
and sang in the streets,
and nothing stopped them,
not cars, not fear, and no one
thought they were lunatics,
in fact, we thanked them,
we came outside to listen
standing far apart,
and feeling our interconnection.

We understood
that something so profound
was taking place,
and that if it went on
long enough, the fireflies
would come back
into our yards
and the ladybugs
and the milky way.
The earth herself
was waking up quietly,
or rather, we were,
and we saw that maybe
we didn’t need so much
after all, maybe
in this new world, we’d find
new careers
or they would find us
if we let them,
and we wanted to
stay put and be still and
feel it out
moment by moment.
We didn’t want to touch it
with our clumsy hands
or make plans or
disturb anything,
and so we just watched it
breathing softly
and steadily
like a precious newborn.

And we knew that,
at some point,
it would probably start up again,
which was confusing,
because, yes,
we did need money,
or so we had always believed.

-AAvinash, 3/24/20

Help for respiratory allergies

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It’s cedar fever time again, and I want to share this story because it may help someone to suffer less.

Many years ago, I took prescription allergy medicine (Seldane and later Claritin) daily, all year round, and could count on getting at least one sinus infection each year. Austin is known for its allergens, so much so that the weather reports include the pollen and mold counts. We’re especially known for “cedar fever,” which comes on after the first freeze in the Hill Country, which is laden with Ashe juniper trees commonly called cedars here. The male trees release clouds of pollen, which some people are so sensitive to, they stay sick for weeks.

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A tale of recovery: my path from traumatized to healer

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I had lunch a few weeks ago with John, someone I’ve known for about 12 years but haven’t seen much in recent years. He commented that I am a very different person now from when he met me, and that would not be apparent to people who hadn’t known me that long.

When we met in 2004 (I think), I seemed troubled to him, and I was. John said that now, I appear to be happy and “like a fountain” (which I love), and he was curious about that.

Other people have said I’ve changed more than anyone they know. Well, that’s probably because I was starting from a more troubled place than most.

So I’m reviewing my path in search of insights to share. This is for you, John, and I know that some of you are interested in recovery from trauma, and some of you are interested in personal growth, so this is for you too.

Continue reading →

How Phyllis got off pharmaceuticals

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Phyllis was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. She also had thyroid issues, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. At the most, she was taking 12 different pharmaceuticals.

Besides reversing her diabetes (to read that story, start with Part 1 here or read this summary), she got off all her prescription meds.

Getting off medication is a taboo in many people’s minds. Once prescribed a medication, they believe that they have to take it for the rest of their life because their condition is irreversible. They believe that no longer taking a medication would be disobeying a doctor’s orders, and doctors are like God.

Medications can be extremely helpful, even life-saving. Byetta made a major difference for Phyllis. Yet it turned out she only needed it for a while, until her body became healthier and less resistant to insulin.

If you are in doubt about whether you might ever be able to go off a medication, ask your doctor if lifestyle changes can make a difference. Continue reading →

A hero’s journey: lessons in reversing diabetes

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Note: This is a summary of Phyllis’ return to health after being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. To read her four-part story, start with Part 1.

“The adventure of the hero is the adventure of being alive.” ~ Joseph Campbell

The path to healing autoimmune disease is not a well-worn path, but it can be done. If it’s possible for Phyllis to reverse her Type 2 diabetes, it’s possible for others. Many people still treat autoimmune diseases as intractable — believing they can only cause a steady prolonged decline, and there’s nothing you can do about it except take the prescribed medications and wait for disability and death.

Even doctors, as Phyllis learned, don’t always offer counsel that lifestyle changes can improve health.

I wanted to look at Phyllis’ sojourn as steps she took on her life path where she learned to choose those forks in the road that led her in the direction of better health. Continue reading →

Note to self: remember this next time I get sick of myself

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There’s nothing like it.

My mind can be going 1,000 miles per hour, worrying life like a dog worries a bone, oh so busy “figuring things out.” Making Plans A and B, sometimes C and D. Analyzing. Focusing on what is wrong: I should be making more money, should spend more time

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How to live a more satisfying life

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The best first step towards changing the way things are is to fully accept the way things are.

Michael Giles has written a book called Action of Mind: Essential Steps Toward a Satisfying Life. Neatly divided into three sections — Open Mind, Focused Mind, and Big Mind — the book offers chapters on topics like intent, stillness, setting and achieving satisfying goals, the unknown, and your purpose.

He acknowledges that reading the middle section (Focused Mind) will help readers understand better how to achieve specific goals they’ve set for themselves, yet he recommends reading the first section (Open Mind) first to get better results by being grounded in the present moment. The third section asks hard questions and deals with some of life’s difficult-to-accept realities.

I’ve known Michael for the past several years. I met him through NLP. Michael is a master practitioner of NLP and a hypnotist (a term he prefers over hypnotherapist) and coach for the last 13 years. Now he’s a working graduate student in the field of social work, an active member of the Texas National Guard, and father of Reyna, with another child on the way. He’s worked hard on creating his own satisfying life, and in this book, he shares his wisdom.

I’ve known Michael also as a long-time practitioner of martial arts. Michael started studying karate at age 12 and holds multiple black belts. Familiar with the Taoism and Buddhism, he  practices and teaches tai chi. These practices, and meditation, have greatly influenced Michael’s perceptiveness, intelligence, and response-ability, which show up in his book.

Michael draws on NLP, hypnosis, martial arts, his own personal history, and story-telling to share his insights and exercises for living a more satisfying life. Here are some excerpts from his book, little nuggets that hint at the wisdom that follows, written in a style that suggests a coach talking directly to a client:

Nothing will guide you as wisely and creatively as your shadow. Your deepest feelings of hurt, fear, or doubt can serve you when you sit with them.

Visualization can be a very helpful element of hypnosis, self-development, or just getting over that threshold into the success that you want. In my experience, it is good to see yourself doing what you want to do and being what you want to be. I have found that affirmations are most helpful for receiving and achieving while visualization is most helpful in the doing and the being.

Whenever a problem is solved, it is because we have received a gift from the unknown. A more prosaic way of stating this is that solutions are pieces of information that we were ignorant of until we found them. If we know the solution to a problem already, then the problem is not really a problem. It is only a problem while we do not know the solution. It travels from the category of “unknown” to the category of “known.” Therefore, the unknown is the source of all our problem solving, positive change, and personal evolution.

Michael has done a great job of communicating his insights and teaching readers about something that really matters to all of us, living a life that is satisfying.